Hindsight is 20/20, odd behaviors that you've seen!

When i watch a movie, i like to watch it alone. Only then i can get deep into it. With people around i cant... might be a social phobia thing. That doesnt mean though that i dont watch movies with other people around, i do, but its different than, my anxiety keeps me on guard always. I can see though that without this extrem social phobia,i could disengage completely in a moment and get lost in the movie

A few more:

He would call me several times daily, having meltdowns over trivial daily stuff. Also, in public situations, would sometimes loudly demand I fix some perceived problem he was having.

Used dramatic speeches, crying, and temper tantrums to get what he wanted. Also was well known, even teased by family members, for making huge generalizations.

He had only one friend that I know of. And he saw this friend maybe twice a year, tops.

As I mentioned in an earlier post, he sucked up to the marriage counselor by analyzing my problems. Also acted very, very cooperative in counseling, but without actually doing anything.

Had TONS of clothes. I used to think I was so lucky to have a guy I could go shopping with. But, we would shop mostly for him. He also dominated 90% of the closet we shared.

Would periodically buy me "work clothes", usually inappropriate ones, and dress me up like a doll, then lose interest.

Had affairs, then blamed it on my appearance.

Never apologized directly. Just recently realized after the first affair, he didn't actually say he was sorry. He said 'I can't lose you'.

Hopelessly selfish. No matter what communication techniques were applied, it was not possible to get him to see someone else's side. Silly example: he wouldn't lock the front door. I'd lock it before bed, but then he'd go outside and not lock it back when he came in. There was nothing I could say to get him to lock the door at night. I couldn't ask him to do it to help me feel safe, or to protect our belongings, or even just as a favor. All of those things just earned me a blank stare like it wasn't computing. He didn't really argue. He just looked at me funny until I was finished talking, then moved on. So I had to learn to live with the front door being unlocked at night.

Empowered, on the 'not appreciative' thing - this was something I noticed very, very early on in the relationship - I was raised to thank my mother when she cooked a meal. I thanked HIS mother after she cooked for the family and he made fun of me, said that was her job and thanks were not required. aaaaa, hindsight.

Some differences, the movie thing wasn't an issue for him.

This is helping, thanks for posting this thread...

Yes, that issue of entitlement. I agree with you. I mean, I still thank my parents everytime they treat me to a meal.. It's common courtesy.

But for her, she never thanked me from day 1. And when I mentioned it, she said "Oh, it's a culture thing". Man, was I stupid to accept that excuse.

Just a few other items I remembered (these are small, but I could never figure it out).

#1) When I called her, she would really sound like a stranger. I understand that if you are with your friends, or in a business meeting, you can't be lovey dovey. But there was SOMETHING off about the way she talked. I know she wasn't cheating during those times, but something was definately not right.

#2) Although very subtle, IN HINDSIGHT, she did everything she can to milk out the supply of attention. Things like "Don't miss me too much", or "Did you miss me?"

#3) There's no shame in their behavior. I will post something later. But she basically uses men to accomplish her goals.

#4) BIG WARNING: Mother basically didn't want to take care of her when she was young. She was brought up by her grandmother. This is a huge issue, in hindsight.

#5) Complained that all of her ex's never saved money, or that they couldn't take care of her properly. In hindsight, I think they were broke cause she spent all their money!

#6) Would get very very sad when you ever mentioned any of your ex's, or hinted that they weren't unique.

#7) Can't write to save her life. She has a very weird writing style, not the best speller, but lots of .......... writing. (I.E: Hello........ how are you........... i've been thinking .........)

#8) Her memory is horrible. She can't seem to recall what she did yesterday, or the day before.
More to come...

This is a real email that she sent out to her "Rich Men Fan Club" for her new house. I wish she sent this out when I was with her (she did it before I met her), I would've dropped her right then and there:

Dear my lovable friends and relatives,


Since this is my first time to have my own apartment, i'm sure you all will be very happy for me too! And if you want to buy me something
for my new apartment to show your caring to me, there's a chance
laaa...... the following list is the things i need for my apartment. You can
pick one( or even more if you want) to sponsor me ar........ i will be
million thanks and appreciated!!! And I will cook a very delicious
dinner for you for house warming for your kindness!!!


1) (Projection TV+Screen) $20000


2) (Air-con system) $10000


3) (Oven) $4500


4) (Cooker) $3000


5) (2 in 1 Washing machine+Dryer) $5000


6) (Sofa/Couch) $8000


7) (Microwave Oven) $2000


Refrigerator $2000


9) (Exhaust Fan for cooking) $2000



Thx!!! Thx!!!

oh wow, he blamed a lot of his issues on 'cultural differences' too.

That email is really something special. WOW. thanks for posting that.


OK here's some more.

He was also very good at spending money, generally mine. Mostly on clothes and alcohol. I never could track where it was all going. Would not adhere to any kind of budget, ever. He would also buy me expensive gifts, but if I said something like "we need to budget so I can buy myself something I want" that wouldn't work with him.

Weird loopy handwriting style. I've never seen anything like it. He is a prolific writer, and an excellent one too if not having to make a logical argument with supporting evidence.

Never, ever picked up after himself. Underwear, dirty dishes, etc everywhere. If he got an ice cream bar out of the freezer he'd drop the wrapper on the floor in front of the freezer, eat the bar, and leave the stick on the coffee table with melted ice cream adhering to the table. But also constantly yelled at me for the house being messy.

Hated my family, loved to talk about what freaks they were. For a while, I let him separate me from my friends and family a lot.

Religious. Wanted to be a preacher. When he was in this mode, he was extra mean.

He got physical with me a few times, but never hurt me, though he certainly could have. In retrospect I think he just wanted a scene. I am a little hard to provoke sometimes.

In private, I could be giggly, silly, humorous - but in public if I acted that way he would say I was embarrassing him.

Most of his really bad behavior (esp with other women) would occur when I was out of town on business. Short business trips were ok - but if I was out of town for more than 1 week in a row, I'd get hysterical demanding phone calls about household emergencies the first week and silence for the rest of the time. Then I would find out he had done something bad in my absence.

Oh, I hadn't thought about this one in forever One time when I was out of town on business, he called my hotel in the middle of the night to ask how you tell if you have appendicitis. Like I could do anything from across the country. No, he did not have it either.

In the last couple years, I had to initiate sex if I was going to have any. He would grudgingly do it until I was done, then go to the bathroom and finish himself off.

Very aggressive driver, would tailgate people to punish them. Would never let me drive when he was in the car. (Ok maybe that is just a man thing. lol)

He was very, very affectionate, demonstrative and superficially romantic. I think the was the manipulative part... giving me what I wanted so I would stay.

ok just for the hell of it...

1.) would always have money or time when something fun was coming up. Would always be ill or poor if there were duties to be done or bills to pay.

2.) these convenience illnesses ("allergies") involved her voice breaking so she would speak as though she would die any moment.

3.) would stomp like an elephant on the stair irrespective of the hour (3am, 4am?) and frequently sing and whislte if agitated

4.) would hate all women that attracted male attention - in paritcular those that where fitter, whiter, blonder, taller and skinnier than her (she was very attractive, but in a non-barbie way). she would tell stories of how other women envied her and how they fought in vain for a little bit of attention from all those men that only had eyes for the HPD (projection?).

5.) would publically ridicule and humiliate those closest to her - "by accident". this could also involve ignoring as described in the other post.

6.) would never do any work - but was very good at making everyone believe she was hyptertalented at everything she did and indispensable (wherever she had worked they would love to have her back, at twice the salary if necessary ).

7.) would make a big deal out of every #######4 little thing she ever did that was not immediately for own benefit.

8.) would always distract from the real matter by going off on emotional and dramatic tangents (personal history/misery).

9.) would pick fights to spice up her life/lift her mood

10.) would spend days in front of TV/bad fantasy or scifi novels

11.) when malicious, would exhibit her real emotions in gesture, tone of voice, facial expression, but keep up the innocent fassade in the contents of her works (cognitive dissonance).

12.) would try to seduce every man that passed our doorstep but denied it.

oh, i could go on...

*Edited*

OK. Just a couple more. Weird, when I started on this thread I posted just one thing because it was all I could think of. Since then, these things have been bubbling up all weekend.

He was incapable of discussing the future. Especially our shared future as a couple. It's not like we were arguing about it or anything. There was literally nothing on that channel.

Although he would generally force me to make all of the household decisions by myself, occasionally he would make an arbitrary decision on something REALLY big and not discuss it with me. As in, deciding he was going to take a year off work to look for his next job. If I complained about this behavior, I got another one of those special blank stares and no response.

I think that's it this time... really!

Well, I would say that in the beginning, the only thing she could talk about was how I was the one she wanted to marry, and that no one could make her feel like I do. Etc..etc..etc..

I now know the reason why they push you for marriage/commitment. I have a theory that they do this because if you don't marry them in 3 months, you'll start seeing how crappy they really are. It's like a used car salesman trying to push a lemon on ya.

And I can relate about life changing decisions. She would sign up for classes, arrange meetings, etc..etc.. without a hint of consulting me. That drove me up the wall. I'm not saying that she needs to ask permission, but in a healthy relationship, you should at least check with your partner first.

Just read that email I posted. I noticed that EVERY SINGLE sentence had the word "My", "Me", or "I" in it.

.........