loving a histrionic

My boyfriend was diagnosed ADHD with Histrionic and Anti-Social personality disorder. I don't doubt the diagnosis, from what I have learned, he is a classic case. I fell in love with him, I moved him into my home with my daughter, and now understand what I have gotten myself into. I need advice on how to love a histrionic and have a healthy relationship, if a way exists. He loses control of himself frequently, and this is made worse with drug use. His perverted sexual desires cross reasonable lines of decency, he obsesses with porn, and his unfounded jealousy would be humerous if his accusations weren't colored with insults and threats that seem calculated to hit me where it hurts the most. More than once I've wanted to break up over these tantrums, but he threatens to humiliate me to my neighbors and my family, and to rip out any home improvement he has installed (even the new tile onthe bathroom floor). And so, I try to maintain myself (not an easy task as I never really learned to control my own temper) while he gets through his rage, and shelter my daughter from what she might overhear. And when he's finished, although he will admit he shouldn't have been so hurtful, he doesn't display any real accountability. But he reverts back into the kind, thoughtful man I fell in love with. Its been almost two years, and it seems that his rages are more frequent, his sexual obsessions worsening, and I don't know if I'm hanging on for love or for fear. I know I love him, I know he wants to have a normal life, and I know that another lost love will send him spiraling into god knows what kind of drug and sex induced oblivion. Advise????????

This link goes to a russian site. INFP types are likely to have histrionic
disorder. I would then use Myer Briggs Type Indicator to find out more. Example type INFP into google.

http://the16types.info/types.php?typename=INFP

I've read alot about the histrionic pd since I read his psychological evaluation - I understand what the problem is, I thought I knew what I was up agains even before his symptoms really showed themselves. What I don't know is how to help him. He cannot focus on anyone's feelings but his own, even though he knows he is hurting me, he seems only to understand that it makes him feel bad when i feel bad. There must be techniques for dealing with self-absorbed phsychotics - he's hurting himself as much as he is hurting me. I know I can move on, I know I'll survive the emotional torture will come along with forcing him out of my life, but he will suffer longer than I will, and he isn't young anymore. Everything I read about Histrionic Disorder talks about the debilitation of many male histrionics as they get older, primary because of their own failures - this man deserves to be loved, but he makes it hard for anyone to love him and he suffers the most. I can leave him, I can handle whatever damage he does to my reputation or my property. But what will happen to him?? I am looking for coping techniques - does anyone have a successful relationship with a histrionic??

I am looking for coping techniques - does anyone have a successful relationship with a histrionic??

-- Not me, but I am looking for same. He knows he needs a lot of attention so he spreads it around with other friends to free me up a little.

Hi,
After 2 years, i think i have finally realised that my b/f has HPD. Its been a nightmare of ups and downs, lies, alcohol abuse, childish behaviour that goes over the line, rages, but also wonderful moments with a gentle man who contends to love me more than anything in the world, whilst, always doing something to push me away or make me mad. He is terrified of getting old. You mention a grey hair (even though hes 44) and he freaks. He is not aging, no way. He keeps his ex on the back burner, even after 2 years, and in the past when weve split tells me he needed her support, then lies about it even now. He has said he is dying, for a year, lost everyone, family, friends, all but me - and used the hell out of the lie and loved every minute of the attention, until he got found out. He wants me 24/7, wanted to marry me the minute he walked out of his wifes house, is so impulsive, impulsively spends and is so in debt has no option but bankrupcy - yet doesnt seem to be able to really connect when hes done something wrong, cant assimilate with what the person he has hurt is feeling, only how it has affected him or what the fact he has been caught out. All the words, flowery, loving words are there, but they feel insincere. He needs constant attention and ego lifting, its exhausting. After 2 years we just got through 2 months of a nearly stable relationship (apart from a few lies) but the lie he told last night, then, and god this gets me, then spent an hour telling me i was delusional and hearing things (and i thought i might get to the dr as i was going nuts) Then he admits it - but he is now turning it round on me. He is due to go to the counsellors in a few weeks, its been a struggle to get him there, and that was just for the compulsive lying and threats of suicide (which were so obviously emotional blackmail). He doesnt believe in counselling. He truly doesnt think anything is wrong with him, its the rest of the world he blames. I dont think i can hold on to get him to the counsellor, as much as i love him, ive had enough. I feel the biggest idiot that walked the earth. My friends and family are devastated that im back with him, saying he would hurt me again and again, and after 2 months, they are right and i feel a fool for defending him again. I want to help him but surely i have to help myself and get to a point when you realise that some people just cant be helped???
Any advise - thanks

Hi,
After 2 years, i think i have finally realised that my b/f has HPD. Its been a nightmare of ups and downs, lies, alcohol abuse, childish behaviour that goes over the line, rages, but also wonderful moments with a gentle man who contends to love me more than anything in the world, whilst, always doing something to push me away or make me mad. He is terrified of getting old. You mention a grey hair (even though hes 44) and he freaks. He is not aging, no way. He keeps his ex on the back burner, even after 2 years, and in the past when weve split tells me he needed her support, then lies about it even now. He has said he is dying, for a year, lost everyone, family, friends, all but me - and used the hell out of the lie and loved every minute of the attention, until he got found out. He wants me 24/7, wanted to marry me the minute he walked out of his wifes house, is so impulsive, impulsively spends and is so in debt has no option but bankrupcy - yet doesnt seem to be able to really connect when hes done something wrong, cant assimilate with what the person he has hurt is feeling, only how it has affected him or what the fact he has been caught out. All the words, flowery, loving words are there, but they feel insincere. He needs constant attention and ego lifting, its exhausting. After 2 years we just got through 2 months of a nearly stable relationship (apart from a few lies) but the lie he told last night, then, and god this gets me, then spent an hour telling me i was delusional and hearing things (and i thought i might get to the dr as i was going nuts) Then he admits it - but he is now turning it round on me. He is due to go to the counsellors in a few weeks, its been a struggle to get him there, and that was just for the compulsive lying and threats of suicide (which were so obviously emotional blackmail). He doesnt believe in counselling. He truly doesnt think anything is wrong with him, its the rest of the world he blames. I dont think i can hold on to get him to the counsellor, as much as i love him, ive had enough. I feel the biggest idiot that walked the earth. My friends and family are devastated that im back with him, saying he would hurt me again and again, and after 2 months, they are right and i feel a fool for defending him again. I want to help him but surely i have to help myself and get to a point when you realise that some people just cant be helped???
Any advise - thanks

His guest!

Based on your post I can say he is really histrionic. I feel sorry for you, because he´s using emotional manipulation and you are just a toy to him.

See this: http://www.toad.net/~arcturus/dd/histrion.htm.

Thankyou to the above poster for this info. Its very informative. It is unlikely that i am going to need it now, as he played a very stupid game in the week, which resulted in his ex and me telling eachother everything. And made him answer questions in front of us both this weekend - this was a revelation! Seriously backfired on him. Boy does this man have serious problems. Not only do i think there could be a chance of HPD, but he has been playing us both for 2 years. The maliciousness, and stupidness of him, has truly become apparent and I have no respect left for him. I have tried very hard to be supportive to this man for 2 years, as a friend and as a lover, but some people can truly not be helped - maybe professional help will help for him, i truly dont know. All i know is that he is an abuser, and I need to get away from him. At this time im not angry, just very sad, sad that i have wasted 2 years of my life. You cannot keep trying to help someone who doesnt want help. I dont know if this malicious streak, coupled with his lack of being able to take responsibility for anything (i.e. he is the liar but everyone else is at fault for telling the truth about his lies and the things he has done) is HPD linked, or whether he is just a liar who only truly cares for himself. The latter seems the case. But it has been a massive learning curve for me, about the depths that people can go to, also about myself and mental health issues.
I wish everyone on this forum luck with their issues.

Guest wrote:he played a very stupid game in the week, which resulted in his ex and me telling eachother everything. And made him answer questions in front of us both this weekend - this was a revelation! Seriously backfired on him. Boy does this man have serious problems. Not only do i think there could be a chance of HPD, but he has been playing us both for 2 years.

The maliciousness, and stupidness of him, has truly become apparent and I have no respect left for him. Some people can truly not be helped - maybe professional help will help for him, i truly dont know. All i know is that he is an abuser, and I need to get away from him.

Wow! Finally you woke up. Histrionics most of the times are always dating 2,3 or more people at once, but with none of them aware of it.

You may feel good by "saving" him, but it´s not your obligation.
Forget "this capitan save the ho", it´s tiring and it´ll never help him, because he has to deal with his problems byhimself instead of someone doing it for him!

Good job.

If you really break up with him, you WILL need to be strong.

He will do a lot of drama and "I love you", "I can´t leave without you" phrases in order to make you stay with him.

In his desperation he´ll probably push all your bottoms.

If you break up, BREAK UP and don´t go back NOT ANYMORE. He´ll still spend a lot of time making you feel guity and doing things to make you go back.

Beware.