loving a histrionic

Albion II wrote:If you really break up with him, you WILL need to be strong.

He will do a lot of drama and "I love you", "I can´t leave without you" phrases in order to make you stay with him.

In his desperation he´ll probably push all your bottoms.

If you break up, BREAK UP and don´t go back NOT ANYMORE. He´ll still spend a lot of time making you feel guity and doing things to make you go back.

Beware.

I have spent 7 years with a histrionic male. I feel empty, hurt and so very stupid. I have ended our relationship at least a dozen times and each time he has convinced by crying, begging, telling me I'm everything to him blah blah blah. Waking up in the morning and finding my car totally covered with fresh roses and so on. I intuitively knew I couldnt trust him, but he is just so good at turning things around that I felt like I was just smashing my head against a brick wall. I have never felt so much pain in all my life just from the frustration and the confusion.
...... And now, I broke up with him 3 weeks ago. At this point he knew that I was awake to him.. questioning his lies, not believing his excuses etc.,I even cut my hair to a #1 to make myself unattractive to him (which it did, but now I have to live with it which is depressing in itself because being 48 with a #1 haircut makes him feel safe, because he would feel that no man will be attracted to me) so it became just to hard for him to want to try and come back ... that is what I wanted! BUT... now I want him to pay... I want him to want me back so I CAN BE THE ONE TO REJECT HIM!!

Hi,
You know the weird thing is it has now been nearly three months... no contact whatsoever... very very unusal.
I dont know what to prepare for... do these types of males find someone quickly and you never hear from them agian.. or.. are they just hibernating for a while and playing games.
Every night when I come home after work with my children .. its just an automatic thing to look around, check the doors etc to see if anything has been changed or moved... but absolutely nothing....
I dont want him back, dont want to see him and dont want to hear from him... I'm very grateful for this site and the books that I have read. Knowledge is Power is abosolutely true... I kept going back to him because when we were on our own we were so perfect together... what I didnt know before that I do know now is of course we were extremely compatable.. it was like I was with myself ... and I was... because... HE BECOMES ME! just like when he is with others he becomes them, their behaviours their beliefs etc., so now that I am aware of this... I DONT WANT HIM... we are not compatable, he is not like me at all.. just a great actor... but it still hurts very deeply...
The only thing I dont know as yet is ... what is he playing at... I dont know this because I cant begin to think like he does...
Any advice given would be greatly received.
... and thank you Albion ll for taking the time to respond.

Thank your lucky Stars That he hasn't contacted you.
At this point, "you" matter most. Stop avoiding you're dependency "rescuing" issues and get yourself some help.
Your anger and "revenge" fantasies are keeping you connected to him. Figure out why? That's not love.

Hi Jeni .. I have to say my first shock horror... dependancy issues... !!! but you know what.. your right.. I was actually still clutching on to him just in a different way... thank you for that... because I have got off my bum and done something about it.. I have started back at the classess I was enrolled in before I met him seven years ago... I stopped everything because he demanded my attention and of course I wanted his.. I am reading the book "The Shadow Effect" by Deepak Chopra which I'm finding extremely valuable.
I have realised after much soul searching that it was me after all that allowed him to treat me this way... noone else.. just me.. why, because I was very attracted to him physically. Shallow, yes.. but to me everything physical about him was exactly what I wanted... that together with exciting times, romantic times, words I wanted to hear etc., is what kept me.. but in the end there was no laughter, exciting times etc., because I was completely void of any feeling, I was numb from all the ups and downs, lies and most of all the confusion of it all.. I didnt understand why it was this way when it didnt have to be! in the end I was calling him poison... and to myself and my children he is!
For my son who he was jealous of... I needed to show him that he was my priority NOT a man who showed him only to often that he didnt like him... I want my son to know this is not acceptable. I am now more angry at myself for letting it go on for as long as it did... but I suppose at least I finally disposed of this toxic relationship.
I do feel freer... lighter... still have my moments but there getting less and less. My family is relieved and free. my mum is over the moon.... AND SO AM I!!!!
I figure we shouldnt have to feel like prisoners in our own home... and if he does happen to show up one day... I dont think he will but if he does... I will be strong enough to tell him to get off my property or he will be looking at an RVO.

Good for you Wild Irish Rose! Wouaahh, Wild Irish Rose...love the pseudo...if you have curly red hair; i am all yours (oops, that sounded HP didn't it? I am supposed to be a non, but 2 nones can have fun too right? hehe... ).