'Living well is the best revenge' - really?

Just some thoughts here for the consideration of those who have been abused by a HPD, although I'm sure it could also applicable to other victims. As ever I'm only speaking for myself, and so if you have any problem with it, well, too bad.

The first time I came across this phrase 'Living well is the best revenge' was about 6 months ago (half a year already? - how about that?!) and although at that time I believed I already knew what it meant, I really didn't. I had the wrong idea completely. However now I do know and I still believe it's a vital truth and words to live by. But I'd like to explain the trap I fell into with it. So if you've a few minutes to spare and you're at all inclined, read on, please.

The phrase is kind of misleading. It speaks of 'revenge.' The first dictionary definition I've found for that word is this: "to take vengeance for; inflict punishment for; avenge:" So, right away we're talking about inflicting something on someone. 'Inflicting punishment' sounds kind of violence-orientated to me and I've no time for that. And let's be honest, it's not often that people get what they deserve. Life's kind of a lottery that way. So already the phrase doesn't really mean for me what it seemed to mean...if you know what I mean?

Let's look at it in a reasonably authentic scenario. You've been in a long term relationship with a HPD. When you get out of it (no matter if they leave you or you leave them, congratulations are in order - you've escaped!) chances are you need to rebuild yourself and your life to some extent. With time and patience you reach your goal - you're truly free from the HPD. You're happy and realize the world is your oyster. Meanwhile you think of how insane and unhappy the HPD is always going to be, and how vindicated you'll feel when they learn of your new, wonderful life. Well, that's what I wanted to take place. More exactly, I hoped that when my ongoing success and increasing health and happiness were learned of by the HPD, she would feel sick. "He has everything and I have nothing" - that's what I was wishing she would think. It would've been nothing more than an aside, a small bonus on top of my new life. But that's where I was totally wrong.

The revenge isn't in her witnessing me looking great, having success at work, or arm in arm with my warm, clever, cute ("and, dear HPD, do you see how she's younger than you?") partner. It wasn't even in her seeing me smile. How about simply being able to show her I'm indifferent about what she's does because now I have it all? - no, that's not revenge either. What that is, is a sign that in some (even very small) way that the opinion or thoughts or feelings of the HPD still had some importance for me. And that's not the best revenge. The truth, is that it's showing the HPD to still have some place in my life.

So what's really the best revenge? Here's mine: I rebuilt my life. I look and feel great. I'm even sitting here right now with a smile on my tired old face. My work is a joy. Also, not least of all, I receive the love of my girlfriend within a relationship that's incredibly fulfilling in every way imaginable. And all of that has been achieved to make the most of life - of my life, not hers. Only when you can let go of the pain, write-off the injustice, throw away the entire past with the HPD, only then are you truly in control of your life. When you live at your true potential, you are free.

But there's more. At least, I want more. I want to be so free, that I avoid the traps I see others fall into.
I don't want to view women as the enemy. Sure, I've heard the phrases 'Women are lower than a snake' and 'Women? - pump 'em and dump' em!', but I'm not going to buy into that. People are people. Women are people. And I won't become a woman hater just because of the HPD.
Also, I won't go through society as a whole with a fine toothed comb, cherry picking to find examples of how women are bad and men are often abused in silence (and vice versa) in order to fit a hidden agenda borne of my bad experience with an insane individual. Nor will I embrace a philosophy about how if we all lived more by the word of one of the Gods/Deities then all this HPD stuff wouldn't have happened. And you know what? - I'm not even going to fill any of my time by beating myself up over the fact I once made the stupid mistake of becoming involved with a HPD lunatic.

If I do fall for any of that crap then I'm not free from the HPD. She would still have some control over me, could influence my future, she would have colored my life and how I live, work and even love. And almost just as bad, I'd be in deep denial about it. No, that's not for me. I live my life well, and I'm responsible for my actions and happiness. Only when taking such control, when releasing every last part of the HPD past, present and future, getting to a place where it's not important what she knows about my life - only then I am empowered. And it's feeling very, very good to be so empowered.





(On a somewhat related note, I'd like to spam my own post to thank everyone who over the past 6 months or so took the time to visit my blog. I hope it had some positive value for you in some way.
I also want to say thanks for the hate mail I received from the HPDs/HPD apologists, because with each of your little outbursts I was at worst amused by how deluded you are, and at best, pleasantly reminded of how I've escaped.
This post would usually have been made on the blog, but I feel my own active role there is at an end now, as it was turning into only 'An Account of Domestic Bliss (minus details of the occasional argument/tantrum/hissy fit/fight, usually over trivial matters such as who has most of the quilt/"I've lost 5 pints of blood because you used my razor for your legs again, didn't you?") with J and Harry' - and while that has some value as evidence of recovery from abuse, it really marked the end of me documenting my own journey. Also, J was starting to give me a hard time over taking the laptop to bed to write the blog. Haha.)

I was gonna try and pick quotes from your post but there are so many golden nuggets here that I just wanna say I had several 'aha' moments reading this...I couldn't agree with you more...

HPD free is a wonderul feeling. You not only did this, but you are thriving in your life!

Now that makes me smile I am not only happy for you, but also for the people who will read your posts and blog. They will see that not only can they recover from the abuse of an HPD, but they too can also rebuild their lives and live the life they want and richly deserve

It has been an honor friend

Way to go Harry...way to go...