Should I Be on the lookout?

Hello, Im new to this forum so please bear with me.

My husband has this friend whos wife Im most certain suffers from HPD. She is manipulative, has told blatant lies about those closest to her, pushes up her tiny breasts to riduclous heights and always wears (and sometimes shows off) thong underwear...but I could go on.

My thing is earlier last summer when his friend first started dating her, (yes they are married already w/a baby on the way in less than a year) she was strangely clingy to my husband, at least through text messages. As soon as she acquired his number, she was constantly calling, texting and complaining or crying about this thing or another thing that his friend would do to her, to the point where my sister had to point out how inapporpriate this was. Now my husband bless his heart was completely oblivious thinking he was only helping his friend communicate with his crazy girlfriend since they always argued and could never talk to each other. Now the thing that I found strange was that she never seemed to be able to talk to me. I mean not that I want to be friends with her it just seems like she was always so much more willing to talk to my husband that she ever was to me. It would be things where I would aks her something, maybe around 10pm and she would be abrupt and say, "well okay, Im going to go to sleep now talk to you later"; but just five minutes later when my husband would text her or whatever, she would be more than willing to speak with him about anything.

My question would be since I know how HPD's are with members of the opposite sex do you think that this would be indicative of some attraction to my husband since at one point he did defend her against his friend when she was crying about some stupid thing or another...or maybe since she knows that the two of them are close she can use my husband for her own manipulative ends? I don't know, but I am keeping my watchful eye on this person..

Sounds very HPD. They are always looking for attention. That is one of the main reasons why I broke off my HPD friendship - I saw her flirt all the time, lie and say every guy was coming onto her (even guys who were happily attached, they then had to try and explain to their girlfriends, when really my friend had spoken to them for 5 mins. or something at a party and decided they were head over heels for her). She would spread it around and the guys would look like dogs.

I didn't feel comfortable bringing her around my boyfriend or other friends' boyfriends. What really solidified that was when she wanted to go for drinks downtown and asked to stay overnight, I said yes (I know, I know) and lo and behold she is strutting around my apartment in front of my husband in a slinky negligee.

My friend also got pregnant right away and was really serious with her baby's father, until he left her soon after the baby was born.

I would keep it low drama, just stay away from her if you can. Talk to your husband about it. If you confront her, she will act innocent and probably spread stuff about you being jealous, mean to her, whatever. If your husband does respond to her texts, favor requests, and so on, don't be surprised if she uses that against you and for her own maniuplative gain.

I could definitely see that happening. I have already talked to my husband about this and we both agree that she definitely is histrionic. We even tried talking to her husband about it, but all he did is make excuses for her. I kept thinking how bad this is going to be for him when she either leaves him, or he can't take it anymore and leaves her. But I will surely keep my eyes on her and make sure that she doesn't try to make trouble.

leparsdon wrote:I could definitely see that happening. I have already talked to my husband about this and we both agree that she definitely is histrionic. We even tried talking to her husband about it, but all he did is make excuses for her. I kept thinking how bad this is going to be for him when she either leaves him, or he can't take it anymore and leaves her. But I will surely keep my eyes on her and make sure that she doesn't try to make trouble.

Honestly I think you need to do more than observe. Having her in your life is putting your marriage directly in harm's way. HPD's love to gameplay and push buttons. They get off on creating such tensions and couldn't care less about the consequences. They have no ability for empathy and you would be shocked and what depths of destruction they are capable of...

You really need to sift through this board and read the countless stories of destruction. Your dealing with a master manipulator who couldn't care less if she destroy's your marriage. You need to show your husband this site, and then together work as a team to detach from her.

I am sorry that your husband's friend is caught up on this. Your right, it will end ugly for him, but it doesn't have to be that way for you. Your in a unique position to walk away before it gets worse...and I do mean much worse

Here is a link written by Dr. Joeseph Carver. He is an expert on personality disorders and this link offers some very helpful info on detaching and ending a relationship with a mentally disordered person.

http://counsellingresource.com/quizzes/ ... art-2.html

Keep us posted and glad you found us

I think it's all been covered in the above.

But yes, please try and bring your husband to this forum and let him browse through the posts here at his leisure.

And just to underline, there's no reasoning with a HPD.

The only positive action you can take is to stay away from them as much as possible, preferably completely and forever.

I`m in full agreement with the other posters. Your husband could potentially be walking into a minefield without realising how he got there. I am a married male who was friends with a married female HPD neighbor. By the time I had disentangled myself from her web and severed the friendship, my wife and I were on the brink of divorce. I can`t entirely blame the HPD for that but her clingyness, sense of entitlement, lies , manipulation and game playing were huge factors coupled to which she embarked on a smear campaign amongst mutual friends throwing out smokescreens, blameshifting and projecting. HPDs are toxic and to be avoided.
It`s great that you and your husband are already aware of HPD before she causes any chaos and damage. I hope you are both on the same wavelength regarding dealing with her. As Mywave and Harry suggest, have him read the threads on this forum. It`s important that he understand that HPDs think relationships mean more than they actually do .
HPDs don`t take perceived rejection lightly and create huge dramas when it happens so I agree that the ' boring ' approach is the best option for your husband to distance himself from her.

Please have your husband read this forum. I too was "involved" with an HPD woman tho I am happily married. By the time I realized what I was into, I lost my job, thanks to the extravagant distortions she made to my employer. I have spent in excess of $10K to defend my professional license from the accusations of the HPD and her NPD spouse. Don't let this happen to you and your husband.[u]

mabpac wrote:Please have your husband read this forum. I too was "involved" with an HPD woman tho I am happily married. By the time I realized what I was into, I lost my job, thanks to the extravagant distortions she made to my employer. I have spent in excess of $10K to defend my professional license from the accusations of the HPD and her NPD spouse. Don't let this happen to you and your husband.[u]

Mabpac you are a Health Care professional and your HPD experience was at work, she in a higher position. I assume she also is a Health Care professional. Will you say more about the area of health care you are in.

Was her HPD diagnosis known to her boss? If it was not known, how can it not be? You spent a lot of money on legal costs, was not her condition admissible evidence in court? I personally have no respect for the legal system, in my part of the world anyway, but putting that aside, how can she be employed in a management position with mental illness?

This issue amazes me, ie, how HPD and other mental illnesses go so undetected.

I am a Physician Assistant, she a nurse. Technically she was subordinate to me, but I was not employed by the hospital as she was. I know that her coworkers are leery of her, but she seems to have the attention of her manager. No doubt she has portrayed herself as the "victim" as well as attempting to seduce her manager (male). She even manipulated the hospital to provide her legal counsel, as well as the judge when I fought the Personal Protection Order she and her husband, I'm sure an NPD, took out on me. Any potential witnesses I could call did not want to come forward, as they feared they would be the next targets of her disordered mind. I'm sure I have legal recourse to attempt to recover my costs, but at this point I really don't want anymore of her craziness in my life. This no doubt is the way she has avoided many issues, as people are just happy to get away from her.

2 PDs working together would = danger!

That was a terrible ordeal you went through Mabpac.

How good for you that it is over now and you have a better job and a new beginning. I agree with your decision not to pursue legal recourse to recover costs. I wouldn’t either, it’s only money and not important, your probably earning more now. Peace and calmness are worth much more.

You write that your colleagues did not provide statements in fear that they would be the next targets of her disordered mind. That is so unfair to you and so disappointing. What sort of a human race are we when we can’t help our brother out of victimization. I had seen this happen in families so often that it made me sick and I was disillusioned about the world and people. If I spoke about a solution or helping I was warned not to get involved or I was used or victimized myself. The dynamics seemed too strong for one while at the same time the majority become powerless.