HPD's and falling in love

Hello y'all ... I just wanted to have your thoughts on this:

Can HPD's fall in love ? I know they are self centered as fawk and don't seem to have the capacity to be attached to someone but I (still) think there is a little bit of humanity in them ...

I realize that even if they may fall in love with someone they'll still think only about their well-being but I just wanted to know if u think those cookiemonsters are capable of having deep feelings for someone ...

I think they're like 10 year olds. They go crazy over a guy then they get bored and go crazy over the next guy..........

BUT....if the first guy seems truly valuable to them they may hang on to him .........but they will play around with new guys that
they encounter. And if they think one is better they will trade up in a second......

I think they love us when we're the new golden boy, the new thrill,
but it never lasts........

They love us like a NEW CAR !.........then after a few months we're just a car.

Hi,

I wrote this quoted text on another post. I think it sort of answers your question.

It all depends on what you think love is...

If you think the hormonal rush one gets when we initially start a relationship can be considered as "love" then you can consider that the HPD's are capable of falling in love.

If you consider "love" to be the more deep feeling one gets after sharing more profound experiences with one another, then I can assure you that they can't fall in love.

lones wrote:
In normal relationships there are at least two stages:

1- The "sugar" period. Where you feel all those hormones jumping on your head: Testosterone, oxitocine, etc., etc. This is the "easiest part". Everything looks perfect. We are in the middle of absolute infatuation!!!

2- The "emotional connection part". After the hormones start to come down it is the moment when you really know if you like that person. It is the moment when you start to take deeper feelings about that person. Feelings that have to do with "real" care and love, and not so much with the hormones in your head anymore. It's the part where we start to establish deeper emotional feelings.
This emotional commitment makes it a lot more difficult to disconnect from someone. Even when we think that the "love" as ended. Because of the deep feelings we now have for each other...

Common, "normal" people are capable of going to both of this stages.

HPD's try to! But they cannot. They are emotional impaired to complete stage 2.

So, imagine being "stucked" in a relationship when you no longer have the stage 1"hormone cocktail" in your head but, at the same time, you are not capable of establishing any deeper connection with your partner! That's the HPD's life curse!!!

And because they do not know any better. Because they do not learn with past experiences nor do they recognize their mistakes, they just keep confusing the "stage 2 love" with the "stage 1 hormone cocktail" ("intensity" vs "emotional deepness")...

So, accordingly, they are always searching for other sources of "stage 1" feelings, because that is the only time in their lives that they are capable of feeling something more close to what "human beings" call love. They are addicted to stage 1, because they are not capable o going into stage 2.

That's why they leave us so easy. Because in their heads we never did go past that stage 1 shallowness. And worse than that. The hormone cocktail is long gone!!!

lones wrote:Hi,

I wrote this quoted text on another post. I think it sort of answers your question.

It all depends on what you think love is...

If you think the hormonal rush one gets when we initially start a relationship can be considered as "love" then you can consider that the HPD's are capable of falling in love.

If you consider "love" to be the more deep feeling one gets after sharing more profound experiences with one another, then I can assure you that they can't fall in love.

lones wrote:
In normal relationships there are at least two stages:

1- The "sugar" period. Where you feel all those hormones jumping on your head: Testosterone, oxitocine, etc., etc. This is the "easiest part". Everything looks perfect. We are in the middle of absolute infatuation!!!

2- The "emotional connection part". After the hormones start to come down it is the moment when you really know if you like that person. It is the moment when you start to take deeper feelings about that person. Feelings that have to do with "real" care and love, and not so much with the hormones in your head anymore. It's the part where we start to establish deeper emotional feelings.
This emotional commitment makes it a lot more difficult to disconnect from someone. Even when we think that the "love" as ended. Because of the deep feelings we now have for each other...

Common, "normal" people are capable of going to both of this stages.

HPD's try to! But they cannot. They are emotional impaired to complete stage 2.

So, imagine being "stucked" in a relationship when you no longer have the stage 1"hormone cocktail" in your head but, at the same time, you are not capable of establishing any deeper connection with your partner! That's the HPD's life curse!!!

And because they do not know any better. Because they do not learn with past experiences nor do they recognize their mistakes, they just keep confusing the "stage 2 love" with the "stage 1 hormone cocktail" ("intensity" vs "emotional deepness")...

So, accordingly, they are always searching for other sources of "stage 1" feelings, because that is the only time in their lives that they are capable of feeling something more close to what "human beings" call love. They are addicted to stage 1, because they are not capable o going into stage 2.

That's why they leave us so easy. Because in their heads we never did go past that stage 1 shallowness. And worse than that. The hormone cocktail is long gone!!!

Lones, I remember how great your original post was when you first made it. Now reading it again (maybe in a slightly different frame of mind?) it seems even more - to use one of your own words - profound.

Thank's Harry.

The truth is that your posts and your blog are very much responsable for helping me having these or other insights about the HPD...

Hi everyone,

I am writing both because i disagree with your opinions on histrionic and love and i would also like you to open your minds and please help me progress more.

After totally destroying my life, i had an epiphany 4 months ago by which i recognised i was histrionic. I spent 3 days in bed reanalysing my entire life and seeing all the times i had manipulated and lied and engaged in chronically attention seeking behaviour. I decided that histrionic was a choice and i chose not to behave in that way.

I set myself on a psychological and spiritual journey to take responsibility for my actions, change my ways, become honest, reliable, helpful, humble, loving and all else included on the path to enlightenment. After the epiphany i started having about 500 realisations a day. I also smoked weed at times because it made me incredibly aware of the way i was holding my body and things i was saying to people. I recognised that i not only negatively manipulated people for self gain but i also 'positively' manipulated people to better themselves which i realised wasn't a good thing either.

During my transformation, i was living with a guy who i had paid little attention to but as my values started to shift from the CHRONICALLY SUPERFICIAL (I mean superficial and EVERYTHING- knowledge included), i started to have this weird responsiveness to this guy by which i felt a deep sense of trust and safety with him. He is a very normal and good person and also very intelligent. I started sharing my realisations with him about life and took an oath of 100% honesty with him about everything from my thoughts to my heart to my past so forth. We hooked up on christmas then went on a spiritual journey throughout parts of australia together where i had to learn how to stay well, look after myself and just be myself around him. I had to address all kinds of ###$ things like sex, being in child state, over the top emotions, attention seeking, change my behaviour with other men and interactions with people. We have now entered a relationship and i dropped my ego 2 days ago which is funny because it actually feels GREAT!! I am feeling super chilled. I admitted to him that for me to progress i need to go back to high school maths, science and english because i have no knowledge even though i am intelligent and did well on uni entrance exams so got into uni but was just faking the depth of knowledge part.

He has accepted me every part along the way and we have had a great time going through all my realisations together with him giving me more advice but also him learning at the same time.
I have been journaling everything daily and here are the things i have recognised and ACTUALLY FELT AND THINK about him.

-have not and am not manipulating him to feel or act in any way other than what he chooses to
-do not look or flirt with other men or women (this actually stopped when i had the first epiphany but still)
-do not think about others sexually
-sex dreams feature him
-feel comfortable with self and body with him
-feel stable, real and healthy love (what i believe to be love)k
-feel sexy for first time and feel sexy for him (i never felt sexy before because i was in a child brain)
-want the best for him even if that overrides what i want or feel
-want and strive to be a better person to impress him and this makes me be better
-trust grows daily and am willing to risk trust on him
-accept and see the good and bad in him
-feel comfortable with open communication/time away from him/no response in text if he's busy
-happy to be myself and admit my faults
-trust, value and listen to his opinion- take his advice
-live in the moment so not worrying about what he's thinking or the future or past (THIS WAS EXTREMELY BENEFICIAL TO LEARN THIS!!!!!!)
-trust him not to be with other people
-good friendship
-healthy sex
- when dancing, i imagine myself just dancing with him so i don't have an ego blow out if in a club full of people. i do this about a lot of things with him in my head
-i also talk to him in my head
-every new step of the relationship i continue to submit to him and accept the relationship even if i feel scared of commitment
- he makes me feel physically calm, not just calm in the head
-when i meditate about him i have both tripped purple and pink colours when acknowledging how intelligent he is but then also i see the ying yang symbol and then also two heads coming together into a love heart
-he is my rock i am building upon
-i don't think of him as anything specific. he just is who he is and i accept him as that
-it is different from other 'love' (infatuation) i have experienced because it grows and is based on dylan doing things, not based on what i think about him

What do you think of this?

I have to say that these things would NOT have been possible if i hadn't smashed through all the personal growth of reducing ego and experiencing humility or finding normal self love also if i hadn't become so honest with everyone about my behaviour so forth. I also had to forgive myself and find clarity, mindfulness, roundedness so forth. All of this was EXTREMELY ######6 DIFFICULT and took real dedication to being a better person.

Do you think i love him. I think i do and i can feel it at different times throughout the day but i can't feel it in its full force all the time. This doesn't mean to say that my actions, feelings or behaviours change towards him. is this normal? I don't know because i've obviously never experienced this before.

You guys need to stop being so hardcore harsh on histrionics thinking that they can't change. I'm lucky i had some big shot psych tell me i could change otherwise i would have never been on this amazing journey which has dramatically changed mine, my friends/families and communities life. I'm going to cure myself soon as now i've dropped the ego i know what i'm working with .

Looking forward to your response, have a nice day!

welcome histrionicsgetlit,

this is a really old thread, and the majority of members posting back in 2009 won't be around any more.. so please do consider joining in on some newer ones, or starting your own if you have any questions or anything you'd like members to help with

Hello Histrionicsgetlit!

Congrats on your amazing breakthrough! I feel it is possible for people to change (HPD or not), and while I am not HPD, my fiancée is (along with other personality disorders.)

He had his own "epiphany" over a year ago, and ever since, he has become the most loving and introspective man. He still has some issues with impulsive spending, but he's working on that too.

The trick is to stay that way, even in times of "boredom" etc. Is this lasting change? I hope so. But since no one can tell the future, I would say that about anyone who overcame negativity in their life. So, there's always hope. I feel it can be managed and for some, maybe overcome.

He engaged in all kinds of crazy behaviors for decades; had crippling addictions to porn and did anything he could for attention.

But after his breakthrough, and with the help of a good therapist and my support, he has created real change in himself. It wasn't as hard to do once he hit rock bottom and realized he had a major problem.

So I am happy to hear positive and encouraging stories from those who have suffered with HPD.

I wish you the best! Keep up the amazing work!

Ahh monstergirl that is so great to hear!!!

Isn't it crazy how there is all this $#%^ online that says we can't change but that's totally rubbish. I'm reading a how to book on neuroplasticity at the moment (i taught myself how to read again after getting off the meth) and have been smashing through the personal growth information.

Can you ask your fiancé what he thinks about this. The other day I realised that i am acting out myself. Like i am not acting a person who i am not. I have found an INCREDIBLY loving group of friends and my family have forgiven me and boyfriend is just a shining star so i have opened up so much but there is just this tiny bit where i am filtering what is coming out of me. This is not obviously all the time and i haven't been able to work out exactly what times are and aren't other than the obvious guess work that if i felt threatened. but then there are other times as well. I want to make this go away. I think it is about 'being' but i can't work out how to do it?

Also, can you ask your fiancé if he has ever had anything ######6 nuts happen like spoken to god?
This is just my experience so i will use the words i want but i was laying in bed meditating and i was loving my body because i have hated the sexual part of me for my entire life. Then this image appeared in my meditation and i felt THE MOST AMAZING FEELING I HAVE EVER FELT IN MY LIFE and i started crying and in my head i thought it was god so i said 'why me?' and the image replied 'why not you' then i felt worthy that i had changed myself so much and i cried more. Since then i have been LOVING LIFE and LOVING MYSELF in a non ego way. Boyfriend says i seem a little bit more nuts but it's just because i don't give a ###$ about what people think about me anymore i am i feeling so much more myself.
But this was this full hectic spiritual/religious experience. I am never going back to my past behaviour because of this. 'Why not you" What a sentence.

Hey how did you help your finance with conversations? Sometimes boyfriend tells me things and i don't think that i should respond other than ok cool. Mostly because it is about computer stuff that i don't know what it really means. Sometimes i change the topic. He doesn't like this. What did your fiancé do when he didn't know what to say during a conversation? How did he stop changing the conversation?

"Hey how did you help your finance with conversations? Sometimes boyfriend tells me things and i don't think that i should respond other than ok cool. Mostly because it is about computer stuff that i don't know what it really means. Sometimes i change the topic. He doesn't like this. What did your fiancé do when he didn't know what to say during a conversation? How did he stop changing the conversation?"

Can you explain in more detail about the "computer stuff?' Give me an example if you can.

He never really changed conversations. In conversations he was very uncomfortable with (his past, his porn addiction) he would just lie. Sometimes, when he wasn't lying, I could see a physical shut down. His body language would change. He would cross his arms in front of him almost defensive, and look away; down, eyes darting back and forth or he would just stare forward and nod.

As far as the self pleasuring, no- he had never spoken to God. That may be something entirely different you have experienced. Mine had a "bonding" with evil. Anything Satanic interested him because he felt he was a sinner, or a bad person. He hung around with people who made this their mantra, and he latched on. All of that belief has since changed.