Are the HPD needs/dreams really impossible to fulfill?

I have like a "stupid" or maybe naive question that, even so, I wanted to share with you:

If an HPD could get into a relationship with someone powerful or popular, like a politician or an popular actor, or something like that, would she feel sufficiently filled of herself and her ego? I mean, could this type of relationship avoid her feelings of emptiness and her subsequent disloyalty and unfaithfulness?

Or would this "popular guy" end up being lied to and betrayed even with is closest friends like all of us, "average guys", did?

Are the HPD needs/dreams really impossible to fulfill, no matter who she dates with?

lones wrote:I have like a "stupid" or maybe naive question that, even so, I wanted to share with you:

If an HPD could get into a relationship with someone powerful or popular, like a politician or an popular actor, or something like that, would she feel sufficiently filled of herself and her ego? I mean, could this type of relationship avoid her feelings of emptiness and her subsequent disloyalty and unfaithfulness?

Or would this "popular guy" end up being lied to and betrayed even with is closest friends like all of us, "average guys", did?

Are the HPD needs/dreams really impossible to fulfill, no matter who she dates with?

There are no stupid questions.


I believe that no matter what the HPD was given, that the more the relationship became intimate then the more she would show her true colours.

I don't believe the HPD will ever be happy in a long-term relationship forever.

Most HPD's need many guys............

Most could never stay "happy" with one guy.........

No matter how welthy or handsome...........

They need NEW "love"............

lones wrote:I have like a "stupid" or maybe naive question that, even so, I wanted to share with you:

If an HPD could get into a relationship with someone powerful or popular, like a politician or an popular actor, or something like that, would she feel sufficiently filled of herself and her ego? I mean, could this type of relationship avoid her feelings of emptiness and her subsequent disloyalty and unfaithfulness?

Or would this "popular guy" end up being lied to and betrayed even with is closest friends like all of us, "average guys", did?

Are the HPD needs/dreams really impossible to fulfill, no matter who she dates with?

A leopard doesn't change his spots and a shark will continue to hunt if you decide to surf

Personality disorders are [permanent] Your HPD will still be HPD 20 years from now

lones, I am pretty good at what I do. I have been able to attract a good level of success and am in a position of power. It is what initially attracted the HPD and even other crazed women my way. My HPD saw me as a potential sugardaddie and a person equipped to deal with the challenges of her special needs children. I was also a guy who would could help raise her stature within our community...Landing me would benefit her in many ways

I know that sounds smug of me, but the point of my story is:

In the end none of that mattered.

The first time I caught her cheating she tried to turn it completely on me and claimed she thought I really didn't care. She had me half believing I didn't..SO i gave her another shot cause she promised this would all be different. She gave me her email info, always answered her cell phone ect...this went on for a good while, but sure as her diagnosis, she slowly began to show her old ways. I caught her with her office boy and honest to god a good part of me was RELIEVED. It meant:

*All my suspicions about her were accurate
*It meant I no longer had to be with her and look over my shoulder everythime I left
* It meant I no longer had to try and fix whatever her latest malady was about what I was doing/not doing
*It confirmed what I thought about her initially (serial cheater)

There souls are permanently wounded and being around them, if you get close enough,means they will eventually hurt you. They cannot deal with intimacy. As any relationship grows so do the challenges. HPD's don't deal with relationship challenges very well. In fact, they do the opposite. Combine this with their poor impulse control and there whole devaluing process and you got a insane person bent on a unfaithful path...

Unless you are full serving them and are willing to lose your own identity...even then they will eventually tire of it and wander...

Honestly, as painful as this was to come to grips with, when I fully accepted it, that was really the true moment when I began the journey of healing

Thank you all for the insights. Thanks MyWave for sharing such an intensive example with me.

Sometimes I question myself if an HPD found someone who would fullfill her "stardoom" dreams, with status within the cumnunity, and an ego boosting importance, if that could make them "stop".

Like they could then feel they finally had what they think they (injustifiedly) deserve...

They just don't have the ability to have a real relationship with anyone - no matter who the person is. There's a part of the HPD that's missing.

Hey Lones,

My ex aimed for the 'high profile - high achievement' kind of guys in every relationship she had. This led to a peculiar string of men because after every breakup she'd of course completely change her social environment and become a completely new person (with all the hobbies, values and preferences of her new man).

So she was with the cool drug dealer who supplied the whole local party scene. So she was with the rock singer who just released his first record (dumping him after the record didn't do so well). And then she was with me when my agency started to take off, and I started teaching classes.

Of course this wasn't enough for her. She cheated on me with a 'locally famous' actor, and last summer she had a fling with the world champion snowboarding (which was interesting because she'd call me from the other side of the world to tell me how much she missed me and that she was miserable every second of the day, only to put up pictures on her facebook page the next day of her partying, drinking, surfing and hanging out with three guys - in a skimpy bikini, naturally ).

I'm guessing she'd have stayed with the famous snowboarder until a famous young painter would cross her path, or what have you. I once saw a movie where a young partygirl hung around a bunch of intellectuals, and one of the writers said to her (she was played by Gwyneth Paltrow I believe) "take good care of your looks, because they're all that you've got". One shudders to think what will happen when their looks start to fade.. Oh well, promiscuity and gratuitous sex will probably get them where they want, even when they don't look so fresh anymore. Sad, sad, sad...

Thanks Harry and don. Very insightfull!

Regarding HPD evolution after they start loosing their looks and therefore a big part of their atractiveness, I have a unproved and an untested theory...

I would expect them to become more and more BPD like.

My ex's Mother is the example that inspired me on this conclusion. She is now 60 someting years old. She once was a BPD/HPD. She now is clearly on a very pronounced BPD path...

Just a hunch!

Not to sound like a HPD...but I was well connected with a lot of great friends and was mr popular because of the place I worked...I even got my ex hpd a great job because of people I knew.

None of it mattered....she is still HPD!!!! And did all the weird hpd $#%^...man I'm glad she is gone...I see how nuts she really is...man I was blind for so long...I see right through her charm now...or her false self!!

Lones:
Firstly I completely agree with Harry and MyWave.

Even if you give an HPD the world they will get bored with it. Their insatiable "I want and I deserve list" is forever changing, and their desire to push excitement boundaries ever further is too often obtained to the detriment of others, therefore through slyness, perfidy, insidious acts, and eventually destruction. If they have to violate people (therefore their close relationships) to get their fix, they shall. This fundamental attitude it seems is ever present, even if latent. Any promises of having grown up, of having changed, of having learned/realised, of being sorry for past acts, are just ways of manipulating your feelings, enough to draw you back into their web after a break up. She would basically be repairing the strings of one of her broken puppets, you, me, whomever, not more nor less. We are just there to be used as part of their "supply", pull on our puppet strings when they need us and dump us back in the closet once we are no longer part of the show. Just remember they live their lives like a cheap romantic drama with them the star of the show, the rest of us are just extras to be used and discarded as needed. You can't build a long-term meaningful relationship based off of that, you shall never be able to offer enough either in terms of content amount or content variety, you shall never be more than an extra in her show, you shall never share the star role in her show.

At some point they shall always crave what you don't have, which they shall hunt down in ways mentionned above, and get too, using their same treachery...Based upon my experience until now, in my opinion, you can only be sure of 3 things with a person suffering from HPD, firstly that that they look after number 1 (your heartache or near destruction shall leave them not more than perplexed...), secondly that they shall never truly break off previous intimate relationships (I had the latest episode of my X's madness to deal with last night 3 years after it ended for gods sake...), meaning that unless you forcefullly break all contact, you shall become one of the "X's" sniffing around for her crumbs, and thirdly, that her only long-term partner in life, as of a certain age, shall be loneliness and depression. Friends, lovers and even close family, may all get tired of their treatment to the point of definately closing the door so as to suffer no longer. Those that don't deserve either a medal for unconditional love, or are gluttons for punishment.

Like is mentionned in other posts they are most often not capable of long-term true intimacy, therefore giving and receiving true love, and all that it implies is not part of the deal. Once the novelty and excitement is over, they shall be off looking for it elsewhere. The seemingly hottest relationships shall burn down to smoke and ash with an HPD.

Cheers, Musician