How I "act out".

Chazz asked in his earlier thread about "M" how I "act out." I figured I'd like advice on it from all angles. So here you are.

As a general rule in my relationships, they fall in love very quickly. I do attune myself to the things men like because it helps me relate to them. But it has never been "I LOVE FOOTBALL." It's more along the lines of "That's interesting, tell me what I need to know.." It usually takes me more time to fall in love with a man but I'll say it when they do anyway, so I don't hurt their feelings.

I get bored pretty easily with relationships. I'm always afraid to do the breaking up so when it happens it's usually a build up of things and it's pretty dramatic.

I've noticed in my previous two relationships (and starting in this one) that I tend to get overly flirtatious with men. Inappropriate? Yes. I enjoy hearing what they like about me. I can't deny that. What disturbs me is when I'm ignored by them I'm generally HURT.
Why? I've got no clue, you'd think the loving man I have at home would be enough for me, but it's just not sometimes.

I've never gone out of my way to cheat on him. I put myself in two very stupid risky situations. I was drunk, needed a ride home, called someone I thought I could trust. Well it ended up in a kiss each time. The first time I slapped him told him I wanted nothing more of it. I made myself very clear. This last time... I did not. He's been one that I've been pretty flirty with and well I know it was my mistake to ask him for a ride home.

That's my acting out. I'm not loud and obnoxious. I don't dress overly sexy. I have a child I don't need to go around looking like a whore. I don't drink alot. Once or twice a month and that's usually with my boyfriend **usually** I say because I've got out with other friends on occasion, but friends I've decided don't need to be in my life.

So either it's a mild form of histrionic or not at all. I guess I don't really feel like I hit the way "M" did.

Oh, I should mention after breakups I DO kind of erase myself.. Or wahtever you guys say.. But it's the things that that boyfriend enjoyed. The hobbies and the aspects of our life together that I no longer need in mine. It's not like I become a barbie doll waiting for programing from another man. I have my own opinions on things.

Hi Kas,

I would say you are histrionic.

Once you are histrionic there is no "mild form". You can be on any point along a continuum. But you really need to get some help.

Of course there are more intense forms of HPD but on of the reasons for that to happen is that, normally PD's came associated with a cocktail of other disorders.

You cannot tell that your PD will not evolve to more intense stages latter in life.

And remember. You will not always be pretty. Remember darwin's and the survival of the most apt. Someday you will try to find love only to feel that you lost your best opportunities when you had them.

Be smart. Get help now...

So wait, lones...

Are you saying I'm only going to find love while I'm in the "pretty" stages of my life?

You're waaaaay off, if you are.

Edit to Add: Even so I've got my daughter.. Hers is the only love I'll ever NEED.

No Kay...

Stay calm.

What I am saying is, that if you really have HPD (note: "If") you may find yourself compromising your love relationships (I'm talking about men, not your child) only to regret it latter in life.

Latter in life you "may" (note: "may") look back and feel you lost some good love relationships because you didn't get proper treatment when you could.

Stay cool

ps: About being "pretty"... While you are younger and prettier it is easier to get some ego boost by acting out. It will not be so easy to act out when the years start to leave their mark. Love may be eternal. Acting out is ephemeral. That is what I was saying...

I am no professional on the matter but I believe that the behavior needs to be "pervasive" to rise to the level of a "disorder". In other words hit with the same set of circumstances over and over again you will react or "act out" the same every time (or nearly every time). If it doesn't rise to the level of a disorder then you just have histrionic personality traits.

For a simple example with "M"...By the end of the relationship I would just finish the "I hate you....Don't leave me" arguments for her. I started telling her what she was going to say next just to move it to the eventual "I love you" stage. This burned her.

Also, I would cringe whenever we went to a bar and the bartender or waitress would ask "How are you tonight?" because I knew the loud, pay attention to me..."FABULOUS!" was coming...I was right 98% of the time.

You are miles ahead of having the disorder. I can tell that just by you being here and admitting to some sort of wrong doing. You have a trait, but that would be the extent of it. I have been observing a girl for the past 10 years with this problem and there is always a pattern. Boredom with a relationship is virtually normal, everyone must find ways at some point in a relationship to change the routine. Your choices may be histrionic in nature, but a true hpd doesn't even have that choice its just the way it will be, no matter what.
I am also in no way a doctor...or even close to claiming I have sufficient knowledge.

As a side note this person tried to put herself all over me while she was in a relationship, her claim was that she was not being taken care of sexually or emotionally by her boyfriend. She needed to make me feel that things were on the outs with her current situation. Her partner was not aware of any problems in the relationship. That seems to be the case with many stories I've read on here.

Kas

Here is a link to a pretty good article explaining the difference between having histrionic traits and a disorder. I hope it helps.

Chazz

http://www.ncfliving.org/bk_128_histrionic1.php