thanks

by **Chazz** » Fri Jan 23, 2009 8:09 pm

By the way thanks for the book referral. I will look for it.

Push/Pull

Going back and looking at emails and recalling conversations and comparing that to the timeline of her emails that I read I noticed that during the times when M was misbehaving or devaluing me the most it seems that she also told me that she wanted the relationship to improve or pushed for marriage the most. For example right around the time when she told a friend that she didn't find me attractive anymore and was seeing herself with other men she started an email war with me about whether and when we were getting married. Part of the discussion was about sex and at the conclusion she made a comment about how if I just looked into her eyes a certain way I could make her melt and the sex issues wouldn't be there.

Just after joking with her friend that I probably think she still wants to marry me and have kids she started talking to me about where we see ourselves in 3 to 5 years??

Does this make any sense at all to anyone?

by **Harry_S** » Tue Jan 27, 2009 7:21 am

Chazz wrote:
Just after joking with her friend that I probably think she still wants to marry me and have kids she started talking to me about where we see ourselves in 3 to 5 years??

Does this make any sense at all to anyone?

As MyWave has written in a previous post "They are just beyond nuts. No rhyme or reason, just insanity" - and that's where you've just got to leave it sometimes.
I know there's both a need and a value on going back and trying to understand. But this isn't like the post mortem on a normal and good relationship that's ended for some reason.

Time will pass and you'll probably find more and more absurd and lunatic examples of her behaviour - some other truths about who she really is and what really happened will also then be revealed to you. But they'll all needed to be accepted as the actions of someone who isn't the same as you, me or anyone else who's 'normal'. And so I believe that what you should be investing time in, is on yourself. Don't get caught-up in trying to make sense of them - you'll never get there. This is about you from now on.

by **lones** » Wed Jan 28, 2009 12:59 am

Chazz,

Their all behaviour is erratic. That's what a PD is al about. One cannot recognise the PD traits on their behaviour and at the same time try to make sense of those same behaviours.

If the behaviours made any kind of sense we wouldn't be talking of a PD after all.

You want answers but you allready found them. HPD! There is your answer.

Imagine If you didn't know about the disorder. On that case you really would be lost. Not now. Now you have the answer. A sad one. But neverteless an answer.

I think we all are "priveleged" in some way to, at least find the "reason" for all that we have been thru. At least that may help us find some peace and closure in our hurted minds...

I do know how hard it is! But as Harry says:

We gotta "keep moving forward"...

thanks

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