Ex HPD came to me and is taking responsibility 4 everything?

I agree, TatteredKnight. I have been told by others that my ex is evil, but I don't believe in evil, so I can't accept that. I do believe that she is broken and that her moral compass is all messed up. It simply doesn't work the way mine or yours does. It's simply going 'round and 'round, out of control.

Now, if I or you had done some of the things our HPDs have done, well, that would be evil because we know better. I think that's the difference. We understand what is wrong and what is right, and how to treat people. We understand that it isn't right to hurt someone, and when we realize we have, we understand that we need to apologize, and we do.

One question I have: I guess (from reading here) that HPDs are hurting inside, badly. Do they have any idea how badly they have hurt us? I always felt like my HPD thought I was so strong, so smart, etc. that I really couldn't be hurt, at least in any deep, meaningful way. LIttle does she know, she almost destroyed me. Do they know this? Have any guilt about it? It's so hard to understand.

My HPD disappeared for a few months but just yesterday started her stalking of me again. As usual I can't tell if it's a game or if she really misses me, or what. I do know that I have to stay away, because she is poison to me, even though I love her. It's so hard.

Rescued wrote:INow, if I or you had done some of the things our HPDs have done, well, that would be evil because we know better. I think that's the difference. We understand what is wrong and what is right, and how to treat people. We understand that it isn't right to hurt someone, and when we realize we have, we understand that we need to apologize, and we do.

This is absolute baloney. Just because someone has HPD does not excuse them or make them any less accountable for their actions. While they don't have full range of emotions and have no empathy, they know damn well what they are doing is hurtful to others. In the end they will do it anyway cause it is all about them. In the end they don't really care about you. They just used you, abused your love/goodness, and then unpon leaving make sure it is blameshifted onto you. The icing on the cake is they also try to smear your good name

Quit making excuses for them

My HPD knew well what she does. She knew she was different than most humans and she also knew she could not empathize or love deeply. However, she knew right from wrong ALWAYS.

What she didn't like to do is look in the mirror. That kind of accountability she would avoid at all costs

Thanks for that, MyWave. As part of my recovery, I think I need this kind of thing, a slap upside the head. One reason I got so sucked in is that I DIDN'T apply my usual "rules" for human behavior to my HPD. I let her treat me like dirt and didn't hold her accountable or set boundaries. She played me very, very well and I was the perfect victim for her. I was very in love with her and gave her tons of "supply."

It won't ever happen again. I am awake now. It's great to have this forum, to learn from others who have been there. Most people IRL don't understand this relationship I had. I think you pretty much have to had lived it to understand it.

Rescued wrote:One reason I got so sucked in is that I DIDN'T apply my usual "rules" for human behavior to my HPD.

This is something I've struggled with, and struggled hard. Knowing that she's genuinely sick and often doesn't understand why it's wrong to make some of the choices she does, and that she's as confused and hurt about the consequences as I am, it's easier in a way to forgive those choices. I went through a stage where I was thinking to myself, "if she does have a disorder then I can in part excuse her behaviour, but if she doesn't then she's a selfish bitch and and it's my-foot-her-ass time."

I let her treat me like dirt and didn't hold her accountable or set boundaries.

This is where I was six months ago. I grew up believing that if you love someone, and they love you too, then all you have to do is treat them with love and respect, and they will treat you the same. Now I understand that sometimes loving and respecting them is not enough, and in the end it really is OK to set boundaries and enforce them for your own health. Boundaries are things that someone who loved you wouldn't cross in the first place, and certainly not again once you'd expressed discomfort the first time. I learned that enforcing boundaries will usually be met with increasing bad behaviour and attempts to regain control at first, and then sudden, amazingly peaceful acceptance - look up 'extinction burst' and 'the power of three'.

It won't ever happen again. I am awake now. It's great to have this forum, to learn from others who have been there. Most people IRL don't understand this relationship I had. I think you pretty much have to had lived it to understand it.

I'm with you here 100%