Ex HPD came to me and is taking responsibility 4 everything?

Hello to all and shall I say "gee where do I start" ? I want to first start by saying that it has taken me an enormous amount of time to get up the courage to tell you all what has happened to me and what an embarassment . I'm extremely embarassed and thank god none of you know me in the real world I wouldnt be able to look you in the eye after you all had warned me, and what i'm about to tell you. Something went on with me and the HPD where as I kept getting reeled back in and kept moving back in with her. I would say I moved in and out at least 5 different times and would be gone for 2 to 5 days at a time before I went back. Why did I go back ? I have no idea except maybe some of it had to do with my good nature and co-dependancy issues. Right now I have moved everything out of the house we lived in and am staying with a friend that said she would break my legs if I even thought of going back. My attraction to this HPD is like nothing I can even explain to anyone. I have had extreme anxiety and 3 breakdowns in the last week. Yes I have hit rock bottom maybe even more so than anyone has ever posted in these forums. I come in here and read stories about what I have written and what all you have written and I just breakdown and cry. I've been keeping in touch with my family for the last week like I never have before. My mom and dad and I talk quite a bit probably more than we have even in the last three years. Through out all of this the one thing that I can say for sure, is that I can pick and HPD out from far away and I am more knowledgeable. I started going back to church as of today and tommorrow will be my first real day back to work. I'm trying to make sense of all this and I very much hope to get my life back on track. The sad thing is, is that I have waisted three years of my life and my kids life for this person, and I let her, how sad is that ? I would like to thank everyone over the last couple years that tried to talk to me but I just wouldnt listen. The one thing that gives me hope however is reading the recovery stories and the courage you all have taken to tell those stories. That gives me a great glimmer of hope that there is life after HPD involvement. Its so weird, I would think I was recovering but in all reality I really wasnt and then I would go back. Please if anyone who is involved now with and HPD take my story and consider it before you go any further. Goodluck to all and I will update in a few~

Hi Sledge! It's good to hear from you my friend. It sounds like you've been going through hell! I'm so sorry for that, but I think it's a good sign that you're back here posting. Lord knows, I've told you guys things that I never told anyone else (about how messed up I became with my HPD). Please hang in there- it WILL get better!! I'll be looking for your next update!! Sending good thoughts your way...

Hey Sledge,

Seriously bro the last thing you should do is beat yourself up over this. Being entangled, feeling weakened, and staying longer than we ever wanted are all quite common experiences. I can tell you I used to kick myself daily about not keeping my boundaries and allowing her back in time and time again...

You need to stop that line of thinking my friend. You need to stop simply cause it is a waste of your precious time. The past with her really is just that. What you have is RIGHT NOW. We all learned some pretty hard lessons in our HPD experience, and I am sure we will take those hard lessons and turn them into something of value. Try not to waste your time kicking yourself. Instead focus on what you will need to maintain no contact and things you can do to help you mend RIGHT NOW.

Just continue being good to yourself Sledge. Start and build from there

Be well

I'm now in my own place and all moved in and feeling a little better. Actually feeling great in a lot of aspects, one of which i'm not at the forefront of personal attacks and belittlements. Because we're no longer in the same house i've actually felt a little self esteem come back just in the last week. I've made a promise to myself to keep moving forward no matter the loss that i'm feeling. I do have a question for everyone though. Do you all think that the next person she's with will most inevitably be able to see thru her BS and if so will he try to contact me ? Just curious~

Hey Sledge,

I just wanted to say, don't beat yourself up. I'm pretty sure almost everyone else here has been through the same cycle. I know I haven't been on the forum as long as you have, but don't think that means I haven't gone through years of doubt, reconciliation, and recycling before I left for good. It just happened that I found out about HPD and this forum AFTER I'd gotten to that point. Doesn't mean I didn't linger with him for years trying to work something out, trying to understand where he was coming from, and repeatedly buying into the "taking responsibility for everything" line.

And BTW, I do love the title of this thread. Your original posts really resonated with me when I first started browsing the forum. I have heard that so many times. I think the sweeping generality of it must appeal to them on some level.

Congratulations on your new place, hope you're doing ok this weekend.

caro

It's amazing how they can treat you like dirt, but suddenly they LOVE you when you start to leave.........

But don't trust them..............they'll be back to their old ways soon........

Once they have you........they just have to assume that you're their good old doormat..........

Update~~ Today I had my first counseling appoinment and I feel so good after leaving there and talking to a professional about what has happened. I am learning as of today to let my ex HPD own her own feelings and garbage and take out her own crap on herself and whats even more important is for me to let go of it all. Not easily done but I will be working on it progressively from day to day. Anyway thats and update and I will be back in a few days. Also feeling a little better in my own place, still a little lonely but no daggers are being thrown my way anymore.

Sledge wrote:Update~~ Today I had my first counseling appoinment and I feel so good after leaving there and talking to a professional about what has happened. I am learning as of today to let my ex HPD own her own feelings and garbage and take out her own crap on herself and whats even more important is for me to let go of it all. Not easily done but I will be working on it progressively from day to day. Anyway thats and update and I will be back in a few days. Also feeling a little better in my own place, still a little lonely but no daggers are being thrown my way anymore.

Hi Sledge. Glad to hear you're moving forward. Just a quick post with my memory of moving into my own place after the HPD.

I got a little flat and was left alone with myself and what I then perceived as regrets, dealing with the loss of the 'dream' and finding it hard to see anything positive ahead. Sure, I had good friends and quality support. But ultimately there was no hiding from how and where I was. Anyhow, I had some real bleak, dark moments. All that time to think and go over things again and again. Sometimes I think there was a kind of pain in such loneliness. My life was an empty space. But with time (and patience) it changed.
Now I realize that all that time, all that space, everything that was empty, that all of it was meant for me, was designed for me, was waiting for me and my new life to expand and fill it. Everything you lost about yourself, everything you want to find again, all that you can discover and rediscover, to develop and grow, has room now to breathe and live. That loneliness needs to be there so that as your new life flows out from you there's room for everything that's full and warm and wonderful.
You're already on the road to reaching that state. And you'll find more and more that it's a great place (and the only place) for you to be.
All the best.

Harry_S wrote:Now I realize that all that time, all that space, everything that was empty, that all of it was meant for me, was designed for me, was waiting for me and my new life to expand and fill it. Everything you lost about yourself, everything you want to find again, all that you can discover and rediscover, to develop and grow, has room now to breathe and live. That loneliness needs to be there so that as your new life flows out from you there's room for everything that's full and warm and wonderful

That was beautiful. I'm not ashamed to say I teared up a little, reading it.

Wow this is crazy.

I have been on this terrible roller coaster ride with this beautiful incredible woman (girl).... I put girl in there because now her immaturity makes sense given this personality disorder that I DIDN"T EVEN KNOW EXISTED until this week.

I have been with the woman of my dreams for the last 4 years (although it was an illusion as I'm finding out now). I am disgusted and in shock at what I am finding out. ...... that the dream of being with her and sharing life with her is over. Based on everything I have read about HPD.... it looks like there is no way I can be with her. It seems like nobody can be with an HPD. I JUST married her August 6th and found out she had sex with another guy just days before our wedding!!!! Sadly this is not the first time she had cheated on me like this but I thought the whole last year she was faithful.

I didn't have quite HPD some of you guys did. My HPD was just basically everything I wanted her to be which is what is so hard to finally cut my losses here. The sex was ridiculous. The intimacy seemed real.... even emotionally it seemed real. She didn't seem to run from it. There is nobody on this earth I would rather spend my time with. She was my best friend and to be honest I really miss her..... but there is no way I can do a life of this!!

I asked her how she could say she wanted to have babies with me and how she could say we were made for each other.... and that nobody on earth is as happy as we are and sleep with another guy at the same time..... I asked her if she had no remorse.... no conscience and do you know what her answer was to me??????????????

"I'm working on gettin a conscience" WHAT !!!!!!!!!????????!??!??!???!???!??!??????!??!?!?

The hair stood up on the back of my neck!! After 4 years and she tells me this??

It all makes sense now too.... the inability to watch a movie without falling asleep..... the inability to read anything... the acting like a child at times..... the incredible sex etc etc etc..

I am SO horrified and upset right now!!!! I can't believe this!!!!!!! somebody help me wrap my head around this right now! What ends up happening to these people?? any first hand experiences? It seems so unfair! Like she is just going to walk away and keep having a good old time with many many men in the future and all that seemingly intense love between her and I just doesn't matter and won't bother her??!! I'm envious of her that it will be that easy for her but I would never want to live like that. Does it ever catch up with them??????