Are Most HPD's victims of Childhood Sexual Abuse?

My long distance HPD, who lived with me for 5 months, but who I have known for two years said one time that he was molested by an aunt. Later, he said he was just making it up.

He also had some strange sexual fantasies. One of them was of his Mom and him.

I was abused once sexually when I was child by an older brother, who had been abused when he was a child by our uncle. So I know something about it and how it feels. I think that I am pretty healthy now, although I did have trouble with it when I was growing up. I'm 38.

I don't know what to believe about my HPD though.

They said it could be genetics also.

Im not to proud of this but when I was searching for answers to my ex-hpds behavior I looked in her journal. she always kept it next to the night stand...she never put it away...so one day out of desperation I looked.

This should answer your question: one of her journal logs said this!

That was the longest stint ever...what is wrong with me am I bi-polar
or sociopath? No the correct diagnoses is Histrionic Personalty Disorder with Manic. It looks like I have more in common with my mother than just her eyes!


Her and her mom acted the same...always humming to music in there heads and very controlling. They both have rapid speech and
always challenged each other with new vocabulary words (grandiose words)

also from what I witnessed. They were always jocking for the dads attention. He is a medical doctor but very authoritarian. I called her family to find out what was going on when she left weeks before our marrage but she already smeared me to them. She told them I was a
drug dealer...yet I have NEVER done drugs in my life! Her family turned there back on me and made me out to be this drug dealer.

during the month I found out my ex-hpd was poping vicodin(pan killers) I confronted her on it...and asked her to stop. That she could not bring that into a marriage. She told her parents that I was supplyng her the stuff. I wasnt!!! She was buyng them behind my back and using them at work.

That was her way of justifying why she left....after her parents already paid 3k in wedding deposits.

I got taken for the ride of my life from my ex-hpd and her family.
I thought her family respected me but I guess not. I think they are sick as she is.

Well, he was adopted though. So it makes the case even more tricky.

When I would ask him questions about his childhood, sometimes he was okay with it and other times he would snap at me, "It's in the Carina book...look it up!"

As if all the answers to his life were in this book!

I was so surprised at his strange outburst that I didn't think to note what question it was that I asked that triggered it.

Anyway, he is a photo-journalist and writer, and wrote an autobiography.

Oh, I am quite sure that genetics play a part in this. But all of these things cluster around similiar circumstances, and NPD, HPD, other PD's are often accompanied by sexual deviancy, addictions of all kinds, especially sex, alcohol, and drugs.

Gosh, when you say that she hummed, that brings back some funny memories of little song and dance things that he would do...making up his own lyrics. It was cute.

And the controlling - oh my goodness, was he ever! He would not allow me in the kitchen while he was cooking! He had boundless energy and would hop in there before I had a chance to go and prepare anything. And then he complained that I would never make him anything!

He loved to talk - it would drive me nuts. I'm an introvert, so I'm pretty quiet and appreciate the companionable silences in a relationship...not him! He thought that there should be a continuous, running monologue of talk. And then he would say, okay, now it's your turn (to talk). How crazy is that?

But now I miss all of that! They say the little idiosyncrasies that drive you crazy are the things that you miss the most and later find endearing when a relationship ends or someone dies. How odd, but true.

cmj85 wrote:They said it could be genetics also.

Im not to proud of this but when I was searching for answers to my ex-hpds behavior I looked in her journal. she always kept it next to the night stand...she never put it away...so one day out of desperation I looked.

This should answer your question: one of her journal logs said this!

That was the longest stint ever...what is wrong with me am I bi-polar
or sociopath? No the correct diagnoses is Histrionic Personalty Disorder with Manic. It looks like I have more in common with my mother than just her eyes!


Her and her mom acted the same...always humming to music in there heads and very controlling. They both have rapid speech and
always challenged each other with new vocabulary words (grandiose words)

the HPD I ran into is very much the same. Journal, mother traits to model off of, etc.

gwen...its the excitement and enthusiasm that gets you sucked in by the HPD. But thats what takes away your self-esteem. everone seems blah...once you are in there web. Feud talks about that...even good therapist have to be on gaurd because they can get you sucked in and the devalue you just as quick. They are so charming and beautful. Hey get to believng you are the luckest person on earth...finding a partner like that.

However, I didnt find her she found me. I was her boss. That explains it all.

Im 33 years old and I was the head General Manager at a six million dollar resturant(revenues) its one of the trendiest resturants in KC. I had tons off friends and everyone loved working for me.

I had staff always tryng to find me the right girl because I was single.

When my ex-hpd came into my work on day...I was floored by her looks and charm. I hired her as a bartender(very hard job to get at
my work because no one leaves because they make $400 a night)

Once she started working she targeted me within two days and we were seeing each other with in a week. I thought I was on top of the world. Great job and a beautiful charming girl that everyone wanted to be with. I was targeted because I was her boss! She made all the first moves...so I thought she must really like me!

I consider myself an attractive guy so I didn't think much off it...now I know better.

I was not even doing intervews that day...a host came into my offce and told me that I should do one interview because this girl was hot! I said no! But then more staff members begged me to!
Only if I never did...where would I be now! I always ask that question.

"during the month I found out my ex-hpd was poping vicodin(pan killers) I confronted her on it...and asked her to stop."

cmj85,

That's probably your answer right there, as to why she left. She probably has an addiction to vicodin and when she heard that statement from you, she started planning to leave.

I've done a lot of research on alcohol and drug addiction; whatever it is, that is the addicts first love. Have you ever seen homeless people asking for money? They don't spend it on food, clothes or shelter; they spend it on their drug of choice. It comes before anything - children, family, husbands, wives.

My dad is an alcoholic, as is a brother; another brother had an addiction to Cocaine, and two sisters have alcohol problems, but I don't think they are addicted. The only reason I don't have any substance abuse problems is because I take after my mom.

My HPD is an alcoholic and has used Cocaine.

"gwen...its the excitement and enthusiasm that gets you sucked in by the HPD. But thats what takes away your self-esteem. everone seems blah...once you are in there."

Oh yes. My HPD and I are opposites in a lot of ways, and I admire many things about him, because I wish I had those qualities. He's very outgoing, energetic, funny, handsome, decisive, gets things done. He walks up to complete strangers and gets them to talk to him, especially pretty girls.

I'm an introvert; I don't have high energy, I'm introspective and very thoughtful about the world's problems, my problems, everyone's problems! I can be enthusiastic and start projects, but don't finish them when I lose interest. I have been told that I'm attractive, and one thing I like about myself is that I have self discipline when it comes to eating and exercise. I love to read, and learn new things.

The thing about him making me feel like crap is that he writes about all of these women that he encounters, or teaches (He's a college teacher) and describes their physical features in detail, often saying that they are gorgeous. He has mentioned one girl Erin that he says is his favorite person in the whole world, 117 times in e-mails in the 2 years that I've known him, and another girl, Jenny 43 times.

Erin is the hysterical, crazy little blond with icy crystal blue eyes, and Jenny is the tall, model-like blond that looks like Claudia Schiffer. These were his students from 2 years ago! I looked them up on Myspace and found their pages, just because I was being driven crazy with jealousy and wanted to see what the hell was so great about them. They are just your typical, party girl college students...drinking, cigs, sex, you know.

I'm a Christian, and supposedly so is he. So, I set standards for myself and who I am friends with. If people want to live an immoral life - good and fine, that's their choice. But I won't hang out with them, because that is not my choice to do things that I don't like or agree with. So, it's really hypocritical to say you're a Christian and hang out with slutty girls that sleep around with just any guy that catches their fancy...but this is what he does. He tries to tell me there is no sexuality or romance involved...Right!

He has a very very active sexual fantasy life or imagination, and I've tried to gently get him to give it up with Christian reasoning, but it doesn't work. I know it's hard, but can be done - I know! Oh well.

My mom was never molested, but she believes my grandfather molested her older sister (my aunt). The same aunt had schizophrenia and beat her constantly when they were children. When she'd tell her mother about both instances, her mother told her "don't tattle." This is what I think has caused her histrionic behavior...that she didn't get any attention or validation as a child, except when she was 'putting on a show' for her mother (in drama class, putting on plays or dancing for her mother and her mom's friends).

She was never molested or raped according to her, but she tells me a story about how her brother's friend jumped on her and kissed her forcefully with her brother in the room laughing. When I was raped, she used this story as a way of saying she identified with my situation (which i didn't feel like it was even remotely similar). It was after my rape that she went into super-histrionic mode.

Don't know if that helps!

My ex-hpd claimed she was sexually abused. She said it was a neighbor. Then she said it was a couple of neighbors. Then she said she was drugged and raped at parties (claimed to be stabbed, but no mark or scar).

She would claim these things but would never be specific about any of it. She also said her family has no idea concerning any of it. She said she has kept it all a secret to 'protect' them...

Her lies were so chronic that I have no idea when she was being honest or deceiving. Lies and honesty were one and the same with her...

She also had an addiction to sex. Had to have it all the time. All of her emotions were focused on it. If she was having a bad day, she needed more. If she was having a good day, she needed more. Once again all one in the same...

Painkillers were her drug of choice. She had bottles of them and would be on them as much as possible