Can anybody add to the list? "Entrapment of abuse"

After everyone gives their own personal insight, I will make a master list and post it. It will help show the strategies used by the hpd to manipulate the relationship and serve to help future victims see the truth behind the madness of being in with a person with hpd! There is no evidence that is documented in a modern day relationship with a person that has hpd. I will post the master and then we can weed out the uncertainies in the search for the truth. Most of the research is from a clinical view that is given from the viewpoint of the hpd and not the victim of hpd! Please help, it could shine a few extra watts of light on the abuse given by the hpd!!!!



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1.) There is no closure for the victim
2.) The victim has been manipulated
3.) The victim had been seperated from his friends and family
4.) The victim had been financially drained
5.) The victim is made to think that he or she has the issue, not the person with hpd
6.) The victim hads been emotionally abused
7.) The victim has had their basic emotional needs stripped
8.) There is love involved, everyone has their own healing time
9.) The victim has no local support group to talk to about the issues and abuse that they have been through such as group support and sponsors
10.) The victims are often too proud to get help being that most of the victims are men and are looked at as SUPPOST to be strong and not cry for help

Narcissistic Personality Disorder is very much like HPD. There are a lot more books, websites, and articles written on NPD than HPD.
If you want to gain more insight into HPD, I suggest you look at NPD as well, because they are nearly identical in behavior towards other people as regards the lying, the cheating, the manipulations, the preening, etc.

The reason I know is because I at first thought that my long distance boyfriend was NPD, but there were a few things that didn't fit. He's very affectionate, very emotional, very shallow. He loves watching movies, and puts movies up on a pedestel like one would do a person. Oh, he also does that to people as well, men and women alike. I'm assuming it's people that he hasn't known for long, or people with whom he attaches more meaning to the relationship than really exists. Anyone who knows him for a long time and doesn't allude to his strange behavior and sayings must just be really polite and very accepting. I know I have tried to be this way with him, although I do get exasperated and annoyed at times.

He also is obsessed with different looks. He was really into blonds with blue eyes, which I am. Now, he's into black hair with blue eyes, because I notice he keeps mentioning actresses that have these looks...Jodi Lyn O'Keefe from Prison Break, and Megan Fox. It must have started with the girl in his letter to me that he met in Thailand last summer - Rachel.

On the other hand, he is very very charismatic, funny, and nice looking, which are some of the reasons why I am drawn to him. He has empathy when he wishes to, especially for hurt animals or most animals, especially if they are cute. I am also an animal lover, and this is something we have in common and is another thing that I found attractive about him.

He is very gullible, and believes things that I find are hard to believe. I think this is another HPD and NPD trait.

He has a child-like, sweet vulnerability that also attracts me to him, because I guess so many men do not have this...it's hard to explain. He is not humble at all; he's very vain and conceited, I guess because he was always exceptionally good looking, judging from his photos of when he was younger. But as he's getting older, and has abused his body with drugs and alcohol, he's not as handsome as he was. But he is still very good looking for 45.

He's also alcoholic, which I believe is very common in HPD and NPD. This might even have some bearing on their behavior, as alcoholism is an underlying symptom of other problems such as hypoglycemia, Candida infection, and adrenal exhaustion. I have done studies on all of these things and alcoholism is mentioned with all of them. It's quite interesting. I'm just wondering if perhaps, with nutritional therapy these disorders could possibly be controlled?

Some books of interest:

Seven Weeks to Sobriety: The Proven Program to Fight Alcoholism Through Nutrition, by Joan Mathews Larson, Ph.D. (She has a clinic in MN, and my older brother is having a lot of success with the out-patient therapy. It's working for him. It's called Bio-Recovery and there's a website).

The Amino Revolution, by Robert Eerdmann, PH.D. (chapter 25 The Alcohol-Amino Link)

The Diet Cure, by Julia Ross, M.A.

Love First: A New Approach to Intervention for Alcoholism and Drug Addiction by Jeff and Debra Jay.
There are also websites out there that have information on them as well, if you know what your looking for.

411,

when I was a fresh victim................

My self confidence was nearly destroyed.

I was heartbroken.

I felt like a complete fool.

I was consumed with rage.

I hated her.

Gwenllian wrote:puts movies up on a pedestel like one would do a person.........because I notice he keeps mentioning actresses that have these looks...Jodi Lyn O'Keefe from Prison Break, and Megan Fox. It must have started with the girl in his letter to me that he met in Thailand last summer - Rachel.

This is their grandiosity coming out. As they feel they are equal to those who have achieved stardom or celebrity status. If it doesn't happen in their real lives, they'll form attachments to movie stars and the ilk. It can happen with putting them on a pedestal, or as with my exNPD he devalued them, any actor who was about his age, he'd criticise and scorn to the extent that I once mentioned that he spoke about them as if he knew them and if they'd done him a personal slight. It wasn't until I was educated about NPD that I made the connection and the reason behind his speaking of movie stars as if they were ex-buddies. I guess it may depend on which type of narc he is, I'd take a stab that the more malignant the narc the more they'd devalue the stars to make themselves feel elevated. (They do this in real life too).

Gwenllian wrote:He's also alcoholic, which I believe is very common in HPD and NPD.

I've read this several times before, but it's not my experience. If my ex had more than 2 light beers he'd fail to function. He once said that he hardly ever drank because when he did it raised his 'dark inner emptiness' to the surface.

Mine was into drug use I can tell you that. She loved alcohol but couldn't keep her symptoms in control and didn't trust herself so she tried to steer clear of it...she hated not being in control, that is unless she knew she could get away with it.

What she really was hooked on was painkillers. She had atleast 3 doctors and I believe a dentist who would prescribe. She would be high on them all of the time. She liked being in this altered state. I think it helped to keep her moods on such a low drive that she temporarily got relief

But she was addictive to many things....tobacco and caffiene (5 shot coffees at starbucks) were a constant with her...

I doubt she will live a long life...way too many bad habits and I think her body will give...in a way it is her version of a slow suicide

"This is their grandiosity coming out. As they feel they are equal to those who have achieved stardom or celebrity status. If it doesn't happen in their real lives, they'll form attachments to movie stars and the ilk."

Yeah, I can see that. Although, he did achieve quite a lot in his career, and is a talented writer and photographer. Sadly, his HPD and alcohol abuse ruined that. I compare some of his articles now to his earlier ones, and they aren't as good. He did write one recently about the Thailand elephants which was excellent, though.

Maybe he knows he's going down hill, and this is his way of trying to compensate for the negative feelings that come up with this realization. There is something wrong with him - he probably has an auto-immune disease (I'm fairly certain he has adrenal exhaustion from all the stress he puts himself through, and the alcohol abuse.) He was in denial for so long, and now that it's really hitting home physically for him, he's finally gone to the doctor and has had some tests done.

I think they think that nothing bad will ever happen to them because they have this child-like belief that they are immortal, superheros?

He has a type A personality too. Always has to be busy doing something, can never relax and enjoy life, unless there are beautiful girls about that distract him and that he can talk to.

"Mine was into drug use I can tell you that. She loved alcohol but couldn't keep her symptoms in control and didn't trust herself so she tried to steer clear of it...she hated not being in control, that is unless she knew she could get away with it."

My HPD was the opposite: he hated being in control, because I think he didn't want to face his demons. Alcohol was a great way to escape. Once he started drinking, he couldn't stop. He is a tall man, so he could drink A LOT. When we first met, he would try to get me to chug my drink, and I would just look at him like he was crazy. If I'm going to drink, it's going to be to enjoy the taste, not get so drunk I would pass out, like he did.

He's is what is called a binge drinker: he would start drinking around noon, and then by night time, he was good and drunk. (He was un-employed at this time, which I'm sure added to his angst and his self-esteem was in the dumps.) He would pass out around 9 or 10, and then wake up 3 or 4 hours later, would wake me up, wanting sex. Then he wouldn't drink for a few days, and then it was same thing all over again. [/quote]

WOW! My ex hpd always idealized movies and actors and actresses. She always compared herself to these people. She would love certain actress that looked like her. But the funny thing is she hate Paris Hilton....something about the way she got her attention from men! My ex-hpd loved alcohol as well. I tried to talk to her about how much she drank...it didnt work.
She was into pain killers as well!(heavily)

wow our hpds are all alike...it has to be some kind of hard wiring in the brain...because all hpds act the same...yet are completely different people