Not the end of the road - but I'm getting off here.

I've still a long, long way to go in my recovery from the HPD. But I now believe it's time to make a few further changes in my life which will see me closer to where I want to be. The first of these changes is to reduce the amount of time I spend on this forum. I've recently eased myself further back into the sort of life I had before I met the HPD, and so I'm carefully settling into the adjustments which must now be made.

In the past five or six months I've benefited from many sources of information and support. Each has had a unique role to play. Of them all, the one which has been the strongest and most valuable has come from the posters here. I know that in the future when I look back through this period it'll be with less thoughts of the HPD and more for the good people who post here. What you've contributed to this forum has made a positive impact in my life, and I'm more grateful for that than you'll ever know.

So, I'm looking back now. The lowest point? - when still in the 'relationship' it wasn't one of the many moments when her lies were revealed, or when she resorted to verbal abuse, or called my sanity into question or anything like that. Instead, it was during one heated and predictable argument, when (literally) in the face of her HPD fury I suddenly found myself realizing exactly why some people commit murder. For a moment I imagined how it would be to put my hands around her neck and squeeze the life out of her. She had reduced me to that.
The high point? - apart from physically leaving her, it was when finding within this forum so many accounts from others who suffered the same, and who had stories so very, very similar to my own. Then I knew more about what she was and what she had done. Maybe the real healing started right then, in the midst of those who were also finding their way back to normality, discovering themselves again after the anger and the pain and self-doubts.

But I've a thought and some words for the HPD scum, for all those apologists, and the random, narcissistic, ignorant clown who believes a high post count is a badge which denotes he (or is it 'she'?) has insight and merit: In your own separate, individual ways, you're all deranged lunatics. You don't fit into the real world. You offer nothing of real value either physically or emotionally. I've seen one monster post here who even exhorted (in that oh-so-careful way the HPD has of working) a poster to commit suicide. Well, it's you - you HPD-ridden psycho - who has no real place on earth. But you already know that, don't you? Yes, you do.

There's nothing in the world like actually living a real life. It's not always easy, and the experience of going through each day and dealing with what it brings is part of it. But this must always be done with both honesty and integrity, and without taking advantage of others in the process. As an HPD you can't do that - you'll never be able to. There's a part of you missing. And that same missing part is what you wanted from people like me. But I've taken it back now and it's being recognised again by others as being something special. One day I'll be glad to share it in a more intimate manner, something that you'll never experience with anyone throughout your miserable life. I don't know where I'll be six weeks, six months, or even six years from now. But wherever it is will be a better place then you'll ever be. My road is less defined than yours, and I know without any doubt your own path is leading only to further sadness, loneliness, pain and deeper insanity.

To everyone else, remember the role of time and patience, and also that the very same qualities of strength and determination which made you stick it out in a relationship with the HPD is what will eventually see you through their aftermath. And never forget that the real reason each and every one of you was singled out by the HPD for abuse, is because you're kind, decent, warm and good - something they know they won't ever be.
While I'm finished posting here I'll still be around from time to time, lurking and seeing how everyone else is moving forward in their life. And I'm sure when I read of success it'll be something of a vicarious experience - I look forward to seeing how everyone regains themselves and puts their future back on track. I know you'll do so, I've really no doubts at all.

All the best, Harry.

Harry I am sad to see you leave but I understand full well. I often see this place like a healing cocoon of sorts and one day when our time is right, we will utlize our butterfly wings and get on with our journey...

As hard as this experience has been, you now have much knowledge. You have learned that you are a true survivor, and that compassionate and kind soul of yours that is leading you to full healing...

I have enjoyed your postings and really have appreciated your insight. Your story is a powerful one, and I hope others who come here make it a point to read. You have lead your healing with grace and integrity. Your honesty has helped so many...

Although we have never met, I think of you as a friend....as a person who also helped me through one of the darker periods of my life. In looking back here, yah I still cringe a bit at the thought of the HPD and her insanity, but what is appearing larger in my mind is people like you, who offered their own insight, who reminded me of the power of time and patience. and who offered their support when I needed it most

Fly like the butterfly Harry. Greet the world with wonder, curiosity, and joy. You have earned your wings my friend. Your impact here will never be forgotten

be well

Harry Wrote:

So, I'm looking back now. The lowest point? - when still in the 'relationship' it wasn't one of the many moments when her lies were revealed, or when she resorted to verbal abuse, or called my sanity into question or anything like that. Instead, it was during one heated and predictable argument, when (literally) in the face of her HPD fury I suddenly found myself realizing exactly why some people commit murder. For a moment I imagined how it would be to put my hands around her neck and squeeze the life out of her. She had reduced me to that.

I hate to see you go because this is the part of the disorder that many don't understand when it comes to hpd. The reduction in self respect were due to your basic emotional needs and that fact that you were abused by your ex psychologically.

I think that this is what makes the hpd personality able to continue and the real abuser goes untouched to claim another victim.

Usually when a women is abused they will stay and help other women that have been abused to help shine light on the truth. The people that the hpd person pick usually have a good life, humality issues, strong sense of the inner workings of life and humanity. The victim feels strong enough to go on and live life without exposing the experiences thay have been through. Lets face it, I hate telling people how I was taken advantage of, I always get this look like; you didn't know what she was doing?

Men on the other hand will not stand the constant reliving of the abuse because it is a sign of weakness and whimpyness? A culture of male dominance will not allow the man to be the victim in a healthy way. There is always the question of, "yeah but your a man and you are stronger than her", studies have shown that men and women have equal strengths and weaknesses when it comes to the mind and emotional abuse. Who is stronger at the moment depends on couples in question.

On the ending note, thanks Harry! You have said some stuff to give me a different way of looking at things. I truelly hope that you will come back from time to time to tell your story! Because you are a victim of abuse and the experience of that abuse needs to be told so that our society doesn't look at the hpd person as a normal woman because they are not in any way normal. They abuse, wreck lives, put people in jail, use the system, lack care, use people and the list is endless of bad things that these people do. All in a endless hunt for drama and supply for them no matter the effect on the other person.

Live happy and I hope you find the happiness that you were put on this earth to find. I'll miss the calm writing style!!!!!


“We hold these truths to be self evident: that all men are created equal; that they are endowed by their Creator with certain inalienable rights; that among these are life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness”

Goodbye Harry!

You have a calm strength about you that will be missed. I view this place like a online clinic where we are basically allowed to journal with people who mostly get it. I have read and posted as a form of my own therapeutic treatment. Hearing everyone's stories really helped to kill alot of the horrid mystery that just made no logical sense.

What is scary is that there would have been a good chance I would have ended up marrying her had I not found this site!

Anyways I wish you well, and I have a feeling you will rebuild better than ever

Happy trails

Harry, congrats on closing your HPD chapter. Best of luck in your new/old life-I'm sure very good things are ahead for you. You've obviously worked hard for them and you deserve them! You're one of the good guys.