Jessica Rabbit....HPD Queen

by **Calavera** » Mon Nov 24, 2008 11:42 am

crazysexycool wrote:My mantra is 'rather the perpertrator than the victim' owing to this I ensure I am in control of my relationships and if i lose control of the relationship, I lose control of myself.

Baby, what are you talking about? You lose control of yourself with me every minute ... and you love it.

donlimpio wrote:
I once had a girlfriend who also "saw the good in all people". Every rotten thing someone did, she explained 'away', saying "well, he does these things because he feels bad himself, because of his own traumas and issues". She was right about the origin of these people's behaviour. But she was wrong about her determination to see the good in everyone, even in the "bad" persons.

When you treat abusers with the same respect and warmth you do the victims, you are doing the victims a grave injustice.

oooh, I could hug you....

"Sitting on the fence" is not always good. "All it takes for evil to triumph is that good men do nothing". Edmund Burke. Which is the same as treating abusers and victims the same.

yep, could still give you a great big hug...... :lol:

by **donlimpio** » Tue Nov 25, 2008 5:16 pm

Heheh. Duely noted, Shivers. One day I'm coming over to faraway Australia to collect that hug!

Well, having been cheated on twice in a longterm relationship, I'm said to say that I ditched the mutual friends who responded with the stock "I'm not taking sides, that's between the two of you": Bye! Life's too short and dangerous to surround yourself with people who need a lot of prodding to take a stand for the good.

p.s. I'm aware that sometimes breakups occur, and cheating is sometimes a part of that, and this shouldn't necessarily demonise the cheater. The truth is often much more complex than the simple picture. But in my case (cases, actually) the cheating was really heartless, cold and treacherous, without a spatter of guilt. When it's this clear I think people should be able to conscientiously choose sides.

by **shivers** » Wed Nov 26, 2008 1:50 am

Hey Don, as I'm hardly likely to ever visit Belgium (although I did drive through some of it many years ago) you are more than welcome to 'catch up' should you ever decide to see the southern parts of Australia.

What really pissed me off, no end, about my ex's family was his sister's and Mum's insistence that they 'sit on the fence and not take sides'. It achieved NOTHING. In fact, they make a choice to become a part of the problem, not a part of the solution.

One of the defining moments for abusive people can be their own family telling them they are behaving badly, that they are in the wrong, that they are abusing their partners and kids, particularly if they have a respectful relationship with those people.

But, I have learned that 2 members in his family that did allude to telling him they thought he was dickhead, he just doesn't speak with them very much. I figured one of his sisters and his Mum are actually NS for him, as they're scared to confront him with the truth.

by **Chucky** » Wed Nov 26, 2008 9:41 pm

Holy $#%^, I just realised that you're from Belgium. I was there many years ago in Brugges, Ghent, and Brussels. Ghent is an amazing city, and I saw one of the mpst beautiful girls in the world there. She was sculpting an ice-statue.

Anyway, I see that you are talking about break-ups to some extent now. I'm just wondering though: Don't you believe that there are people out there who HPDers can get along and be happy with?; and thus have a long-term and successful relationship with? I'm just still a bit frustrated that all we ever hear about here is the negative aspect of HPD, but I understand why this is the case too.

Kevin

by **Sir*Lingam** » Wed Nov 26, 2008 9:57 pm

Chucky wrote:Anyway, I see that you are talking about break-ups to some extent now. I'm just wondering though: Don't you believe that there are people out there who HPDers can get along and be happy with?; and thus have a long-term and successful relationship with? I'm just still a bit frustrated that all we ever hear about here is the negative aspect of HPD, but I understand why this is the case too.

Kevin

Short answer, no.

Longer answer: HPDs are hardwired in a sense to fail. Even if they get a man that they adore, the ability to make a deep emotional connection with him past the initial infatuation stage is impossible due to their lack of empathy. The relationship might drag on for awhile (2 years or so) then it all falls apart and the cycle starts all over again. As I told my HPD, Love is a heavy emotion to hang on nothing.

The best "match" for an HPD is an AntiSocial PD. HPDs will chase ASPD for a long time, because ASPD's simply wont give in because they don't care. As soon as an HPD thinks you are "theirs" they look for the next new thing, a BBD (bigger better deal). The bottom line is these people are never able to maintain a relationship because relationships require deep feelings and empathy for another persons pain. Neither of which they have.\

Regards,

Sir*Lingam

by **Chucky** » Wed Nov 26, 2008 11:41 pm

Hmm, I disagree with you, but I'm not overly sure of my own opinion due to lack of evidence. I mean, I've dated girls with HPD before and they each just seemed to drift from one boyfriend to the next, but one of them is currently happily married. So, I do believe that a person with hPD can be happy with a relatively 'normal' person, and vice-versa.

Kevster

by **Sir*Lingam** » Thu Nov 27, 2008 5:27 am

Chucky wrote:Hmm, I disagree with you, but I'm not overly sure of my own opinion due to lack of evidence. I mean, I've dated girls with HPD before and they each just seemed to drift from one boyfriend to the next, but one of them is currently happily married. So, I do believe that a person with hPD can be happy with a relatively 'normal' person, and vice-versa.

Kevster

Kevin,

It sounds as if you dated a person with Histrionic Personality Style, not the Disorder. Besides to be in a relationship and happily married both people have to be happy. And we tend to hide our disatisfaction well except to our very close friends. The HPD is normally happy, as long as the supply is there and keeping the supply flowing. After about 2 years the supply gets tired of always putting out the effort to maintain the relationship and then the problems begin even if you as an outsider don't see it.

So I think your opinion is lacking in factual information. If you read more of the stories here I think you will see that your gf's probably didn't act like the HPDs here. You might want to read posts by MyLife and some of the other diagnosed HPD's here and see how their mind works and what it really means to be disordered not simply a shallow outgoing style.

Regards,

Sir*Lingam

by **donlimpio** » Thu Nov 27, 2008 11:48 am

1) First of all, as you know I also suspect that the girl(s) you knew had histrionic personality style or traits, and not the disorder.

2) Don't be fooled by "happy" marriages. My ex was SOOOO sensitive about how people perceived her that we had to be the shining, perfect, jawdroppingly blissfully happy couple for everyone. Besides that, she isolated me from my friends and manipulated me regarding her 'issues'. To the outside world I never once complained about her (quite the opposite actually), and professed how happy we were. Had I not caught her in five years we would probably be a "happy" family, although it would all be based on lies and I'd on the brink of depression on a daily basis, but too lost to show or share it with my friends or loved ones.

Jessica Rabbit....HPD Queen

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