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HPD Stare?

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Re: HPD Stare?

Postby nom0re » Thu Jul 25, 2013 10:31 am

orion8591 wrote:nomOre

"Histrionic Personalities often suffer from Disassociative Episodes and these episodes almost always show up in a pivotal scene. A disassociative episode occurs when stress becomes too high to manage with more adaptive defenses. In a disassociative moment, they separate thoughts, feelings, and actions. They react in an unconscious manner. They may reflexively act provocatively, but are unaware of any sexual thought or feeling"


That's a great passage. Where did that come from?

Maybe some pwHPD out there can comment on this topic, and dissociation, to give us an intimate thought portrait of what's going on during these moments...?


It's actually from yYyYy's blog:
Edited by mod
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Re: HPD Stare?

Postby Ashlar » Thu Jul 25, 2013 2:50 pm

This is really interesting. I know I've seen the diss-associative stare before... but I'm having trouble remembering the specifics. I know I've brought it out of people (HPD or not) in times of conflict. I think I've also tried to bring them back from the brink, literally saying, "come back to earth" at one point with a guy that was trying to pick a fight with me over something... and then he realized I was right about the thing we were fighting about.
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Re: HPD Stare?

Postby costadelmar » Mon Jul 29, 2013 2:33 pm

Everyone has summarized this up so very well. They are just empty shells walking around. It’s funny some people I just meet will ask if I was the one dating my ex, subconsciously I just blurt out that she doesn’t exist. That usually stops the conversation about her which is fine with me because I don’t have anything to say about her to anyone at all. I don’t expect anyone to understand unless they are aware of HPD but I have no desire in talking about her to anyone. Truly she does not exist though, there really isn’t a normal functioning person in her, it’s like a mirage. Recently I saw some pictures of her on FB that a mutual friend had posted. I can’t even remember now why I found her so attractive I looked through the pictures and realized that she has the same expression in every single photo. There were very few pictures of us where she had a different expression (when we were goofing around) but 99.9% of all of her pictures are the EXACT SAME EXPRESSION. And yes, I remember her zoning out and having the stare. God I do not miss the hell I went through with her, I’m so thankful for everyday without her now.
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Re: HPD Stare?

Postby nom0re » Mon Jul 29, 2013 11:31 pm

costadelmar wrote:There were very few pictures of us where she had a different expression (when we were goofing around) but 99.9% of all of her pictures are the EXACT SAME EXPRESSION. And yes, I remember her zoning out and having the stare. God I do not miss the hell I went through with her, I’m so thankful for everyday without her now.


I noticed this as well. except when i saw pics of my ex with her last 5y boyfriend, she did in fact looked like a totally different person, much sweeter (which, if i look at those old pictures i'm not attracted to) Like another person. Also her eyes were more symmetrically then, now one eye is a bit 'skewed', like an evil eye. Hard to explain.

I do feel a bit sorry for her though, something in the last year or so must've happened that totally triggered her HPD. I'm just very unfortunate to have meet her in this dark period of hers (lot of drugs didn't help probably as well). Actually one of the first things i said to her that she was conflicted between a nice sweet girl and a little devil. I feel SOO dumb for saying that because although i was in the ballpark, i had nooo clue whatsoever about the magnitude of this skism in her mind.
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Re: HPD Stare?

Postby 411needed » Tue Aug 06, 2013 2:49 pm

Wow, a blast from the past....after living through this disorder and making it out stronger then before, all of the people involved (HPD and NONS) will learn at the end of this journey that everyone and I mean EVERYONE on both sides is running from themselves in one shape or form.......or something is not right! That is the only way that this "house of confusion" can exist and continue to exist......in anyone's life.

I have found that I had some deep seeded issues with myself and working on them instead of running with hpd's and other disordered women ignoring my own psychological health.......

Note to the nons:

Don't get so caught up in running from yourself, let the hpd person worry abot their stare because its not your fault, your problem or YOUR solution to why you chose to live in a "house of confussion". I'm soooooo glad I am here instead of on this sight wondering what happened.....

Good Luck to all involved!

Bob Marley, Running Away
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_rVnfH_dbJs
Why did I never walk away
Why I played myself this way
Now I see
Testing me, pushes me away
Linkin Park "Pushing Me Away"
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Re: HPD Stare?

Postby VeritasCE » Tue May 01, 2018 11:43 pm

This is an interesting topic. However, despite a few HPDI interventions it is unfortunately dominated by NON input. The absence of NON<>HPDI dialogue focus on any topic is counterproductive to some degree.

HPDI input dominance is undesirable because despite conscious focus on sincerity there is a strong risk for a resonance of explanations to a topic at hand located on the more more "poetic" side of the reality spectrum (due to the deleterious combination, for such a task, of several HPD traits).

and

NON input dominance is undesirable because among NONs who have been emotionally harmed by HPDIs there is a high probability of consensus on explanations projecting "evil" on HPDIs (mirroring the deep intensity of the pain they experienced, which I can entirely relate to with all my being, but which is not productive if you want to see Truth, and instead of abandonning them to their destructive misery, decide fight despite the pain and attempt to repair the person you fell in love with a long time ago).

If more people with HPD traits would like to give their version of what they think is really going on for them / in their heads when others see these 3 stares in them, it probably would be very useful to many.

From my attempt to combine the different inputs herein I've come to formulate the temporary hypothesis that the stare moment is a moment of complete emotional void (like the moment of calm after a storm, or the short instant preceeding a huge battle with almost certain death), like a combination of (a) the reptilian fight-or-flight instinct in a situation when flight is impossible, together with (b) higher level cognition; the quasi inner peace / freedom to know that no more emotions are necessary because the probability that their presence will change anything for the good has fallen to 0. In its ultimate version, perhaps what a phoenix would feel if comming to the conclusion that after all the effort, the world is ending. Like you felt yourselves, maybe, at the moment you "abandonned" the idea of your HPD, ... after all the deceit, all the lies, and all the pain. But perhaps this is just a feeling entirely, just a moment. Perhaps that the "vengeance" and "punishment" and stuff aren't intrinsically linked to the moment and depend on the HPD's character and on the circumstances. Perhaps it's still possible (with some time delay) to catch your HPD at that ultimate moment before she falls into the abyss of further desolation away from this one. Perhaps this ultimate stare is just what follows a fear-of-death-without-the-fear kind of emptiness due to the HPD having no capacity to see how the world could continue: They lack some tools to understand that there is a way out, that it is possible to learn to understand, possible to fight and clear all the mess and pain they have built up (if they are anything like young children they can't really fight for their lives, they can only flee, and so if they cannot flee, well... there is this void). Maybe the HPD is like an abandonned child at that ultimate moment. The world has ended... And they are just floating eyes open in the void at the end it this world and at the start of another?

People with HPD traits are welcome to comment if any of it could be accurate?
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Re: HPD Stare?

Postby crbynum23 » Wed May 02, 2018 12:16 am

Wow,I just returned from my counseling session talking about the stare! The way I was describing it to her is she would always be lost thinking about something with this real serious look on her face. She would say things about how much she loved and couldn't live without me but her facial expressions would match the words. There was no congruence.

Or, when she would lay on me which was her favorite thing to do, she would tell me how relaxed it made her and how safe she felt but she would always have that look on her face, like an anxious, not in the moment look. I always chalked it up to anxiety but her mind was always scheming, dreaming up plans for everything.

The other blank stare I would get is when we would be in our yelling match and she would just freeze, stare forward, make no eye contact, and stop interacting altogether. Like she was frozen in time. I couldn't believe it when I first saw this, I was asking myself how much of act this was.

2 months broken up and she twisted my world up so bad that I still miss her to pieces.. I really look at these forums as a support group. She has me all messed up emotionally, suicidal at times..
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Re: HPD Stare?

Postby Jinxy9 » Tue Jun 26, 2018 12:13 pm

The first time I received the stare was during a video chat. It was the first time we'd come face to face so to speak. We met online and live in different countries. It was chilling, and made me feel really uncomfortable. It was like she'd frozen up. Completely blank and void of any emotion. She didn't flinch. It seemed to last forever. As if she wasn't even there. The lights were on but nobody was home! I believe it was her trying to study me in order to mimic.


I met my HPD ex girlfriend online. We live in different countries, so meeting wasn't easy
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