Wanna hear something funny?

My 'UN'-anniversary with the HPD is on Halloween lol. Can you believe it? How ironic that we share this day with all the vampires, witches, and other assorted zombies...

Come to think of it...our relationship was Halloween everyday

Anyways, this is a poem about rising above an abusive relationship with a Histrionic Persoanlity Disorder

Lightning through the summer rays,
Clean sparks shower down
Cool in my water haze,
where the baptized drown

I stand naked in the warm sun
and I am breathing life like fire
I thought I was the only one,
but that was just a lie

I heard it in the wind.
and I saw it in the sky,
Then I accepted the end
more of a welcomed goodbye

Now I shot the flare light
internal rescue mends my days
No longer do I have to wonder
and drive in the haze

Opportunities are abound
and with it returns that sparkle
Could it be that it was always there?
I just had to be brave enough to follow

I feel ya bro...... I just sent a email to my ex letting her know that I am paying the money for the divorce and starting it today. Its funny to think about the word......


Hallow (een), what a good day to file for divorce from a hallow, hallow, hallow person!!!!!!

I feel ya about the halloween everyday. Its funny to think about the ugly ass bitch behind the mask!!!!

OMG mywave are you serious? Meeting the HPD on Halloween is so very fitting lol

I like your poem...Keep strong my man!

Thanks you guys...I know you both understand

Well I survived it and this is the last of those 'special' days with her. I have gotten through them all and each one feels less painful and more about something that happened awhile ago.

I thought about her today and just how different I see her now...so much more I fully get about her. Funny cause I could have helped her had she let me, but that is a rare thing allowed in the HPD world...

As each day passes I can now take full steps in moving ahead. Amazing what a healer that TIME is...I've gotten my life set up pretty good now and I wanna finish a couple more things before I add another to my life. However, now I can honestly say that will be a nice goal for 2009 and this time I won't settle and I certainly will give my intuition the full attention that it deserves...

Thanks to all of you who post here. You kept the hope alive when I struggled and you will always shine in my heart

be well

MyWave wrote:

As each day passes I can now take full steps in moving ahead. Amazing what a healer that TIME is...I've gotten my life set up pretty good now and I wanna finish a couple more things before I add another to my life. However, now I can honestly say that will be a nice goal for 2009 and this time I won't settle and I certainly will give my intuition the full attention that it deserves...

I found in my own experience that it's a case of always doing the same, over and over - meeting each day and moving forward. Sometimes the movement is smaller, sometimes larger. Once in a while it's a fight, but dealing with those days becomes easier too.

Glad to hear you're getting on. Time's probably also doing a lot of healing you're not aware of yet. But it everything falls into place.

All the best.

! I understand what you guys mean. My X little devil disguises herself as a wholesome young woman, but the little devil is always there whatever the date. Halloween year round!

MyWave wrote:Funny cause I could have helped her had she let me, but that is a rare thing allowed in the HPD world...
Amazing what a healer that TIME is...

be well

I was the same way, but think about this. If they heal and give you a tiny room to breathe in, you will grow and start to heal yourself then. I have a feeling that all the overlooked abuse that we never had time to address would start lighting up inside us and would grow as they healed until it rendered them untrustworthy. Then they would sense that and reboot the blue screen of death, or it would lead to guilt from realizing how much one pissed in the wind.

I'm sure there is some selfless wonder out there that could be healthy in the attachment even when totally aware, but not me. I bet it would continue to chew on me.

Hey Chaosanity,

While I understand your reasoning, and agree that is is most likely true, I still believe that a healing process can be mutually stimulating and benificial, and not necessarily the dead end that you describe.

Growth can be a beautiful thing if the environment supports it,and an untrustworthy partner can regain the lost faith if he or she wants to, in some cases. Unfortunately the HPD I knew (and most described here) would not go through the major effort involved with rebuilding lost trust.

Agreed, growth would be beautiful indeed. I wanted nothing more than that to take place. You say if the environment was supportive to that, and that sounds very nice. Unfortunately my HPD partner got pregnant and we got married. No matter how nice and supportive and understanding I was, the environment was impossible to make conducive. She had a brand new home and access to credit cards and bank accounts. I was extremely easy going and flexible about almost everything.

Ideals are fantastic and they do happen. I just really think that it is a special guy that can be continually abused, stick around and help heal the HPD some, keep getting abused, and all the while continue to grow himself, and establish complete awareness and mental health for himself. I was trying this for our relationship. Trying very hard indeed. However, I was not aware of what had been going on and still am not sure of what dirty secrets the past holds. I also was not aware of the emotional and mental health of my own mind. Once these things came into light, I do not how I could hold all of the issues together, growth for both, healing for both, forgiveness by both, trust for both, respect for both, hold them together in the same picture.

In most cases, somethings got to give.

I'm not pessimistic. More of the opposite actually. It was holding on to an ideal that prolonged my own healing. It was loving an ideal that is hard to get over. This is why I continue to use the word, 'aware'. Being aware of all aspects, motives, and truths, of the HPD's acts and behaviors, and of one's own motives, needs, and issues. In my case I think it was the slow dawning of awareness that caused my wife to leave. I was slowly removing myself as a pawn on her chessboard and she wasn't going to be able to deal with me if I could see beyond the veil.

If someone stays in this kind of relationship and works it out and finds the path to a trusting beautiful and healthy relationship, then by all means I am truly happy for them and think that is great. I wish I could have found the key to unlock that path.

Chaosanity wrote:Agreed, growth would be beautiful indeed. I wanted nothing more than that to take place. You say if the environment was supportive to that, and that sounds very nice. Unfortunately my HPD partner got pregnant and we got married. No matter how nice and supportive and understanding I was, the environment was impossible to make conducive. She had a brand new home and access to credit cards and bank accounts. I was extremely easy going and flexible about almost everything.

Ideals are fantastic and they do happen. I just really think that it is a special guy that can be continually abused, stick around and help heal the HPD some, keep getting abused, and all the while continue to grow himself, and establish complete awareness and mental health for himself. I was trying this for our relationship. Trying very hard indeed. However, I was not aware of what had been going on and still am not sure of what dirty secrets the past holds. I also was not aware of the emotional and mental health of my own mind. Once these things came into light, I do not how I could hold all of the issues together, growth for both, healing for both, forgiveness by both, trust for both, respect for both, hold them together in the same picture.

In most cases, somethings got to give.

I'm not pessimistic. More of the opposite actually. It was holding on to an ideal that prolonged my own healing. It was loving an ideal that is hard to get over. This is why I continue to use the word, 'aware'. Being aware of all aspects, motives, and truths, of the HPD's acts and behaviors, and of one's own motives, needs, and issues. In my case I think it was the slow dawning of awareness that caused my wife to leave. I was slowly removing myself as a pawn on her chessboard and she wasn't going to be able to deal with me if I could see beyond the veil.

If someone stays in this kind of relationship and works it out and finds the path to a trusting beautiful and healthy relationship, then by all means I am truly happy for them and think that is great. I wish I could have found the key to unlock that path.

A very insightful post. It speaks volumes.

In such a relationship, once the 'spell' is broken (for either partner) I think it's difficult to continue. But as you say, if some find a way to make the relationship work in an acceptable and healthy fashion - good.