mywave

perfectly said mywave...you are 100% on target with this: This is what happened to me! I have been doing a lot of praying to keep my strength.

'This is a hard thing that I think most of us on this board can really relate on. Being around these people does influence us to a degree. They help mold us into being their perfect supply. Many of us here are rescuer types and when an HPD blameshifts instead of questioning them we internalize it, blame ourselves, and try harder for them. What happens when we do this is we lose a piece of ourselves and become for a lack of better word more enslaved to them...

Just remember you didn't realize you were walking into the den of a skilled predator. Your feelings were full, real, and had no hidden agendas. They get you to quickly fall for them so they can quickly get control of your good nature. She knows you will care about her and go the extra mile. She will push you there and take you beyond it, them when it inevitably destructs blame it all on you...

Forgive yourself for you are human. You made a mistake and are making amends. Forgive yourself for you were deceived, manipulated, and ultimately abused by a pathologically disordered individual. Forgive yourself and focus on your family cause it is the healthy and right thing to do. They want and need your full attention. Give yourself this permission and don't look back'

cmj85 I think this was the hardest of things for me to wrap my head around. Even though my intuition was throwing flags my way, I didn't want to have to see her in this kind of light. I wanted the fantasy that she sold me so well

I mean after all, I loved this person and I wanted to believe those sweet words and tender praise. Initially, I think I clung to her honey scented words even more so when I started to see the polar difference in her actions. I didn't want to have to admit that I walked into the web of a black widow. In fact, I tried like hell to supress those dark feelings my intuition kept sending me about her. To accept the reality of her would not only be a painful experience, but it would also mean I would have to accept the fact that in a way I betrayed myself which gave this disordered person a green light to abuse and use me

Moreover, the sad reality is I loved a very calculated presentation of images that she presented...one that is purely designed for her to objectify me and drain me of myself. When you finally confront or be confronted by the real her, it quickly and stunningly hits you that your intuition was so very right all along

Look, I still wanna see the good in people, and I REFUSE to allow my ex-hpd to take that away from me. However, this hard experience has also taught me that I need to better learn how to protect myself. That there are people out there with agendas, and that some of them are deceptively hidden from view for their own sickened gain.

I no longer give trust so freely. I no longer take a person solely on their word. What I do now mostly more than anything is quietly observe. I also make damn sure I listen fully to my intuition. To do that, I am learning to trust myself more, learning to set up some good boundaries, and be willing to stand up and stick by them when needed. It is no longer solely about what I want or desire, but rather what my gut is really telling me. I am now giving myself permission to protect my heart. Now I look more at the person's actions before I invest my heart. It is a good thing to check for authenticity...

As painful as this experience has been, it has also taught me some valuable lessons and is helping me evolve in a healthier way. Yah my innocence got taken away, but all that really means is my rose colored glasses got replaced with some glasses that provide better vision. That is the true silver lining and as my healing continues, this is what I tend to focus on more and more

Hi Mywave.
Extremely well put, I agree 100+ percent. I realised at 38 years old and with a great deal of adult relationship experience behind me that I was completely naive to the existence of such people, and that they may hurt me badly.

I temporarily lost all confidence in human beings, but am thankful to say that my confidence is back, but now with massive self-protection filters, once bitten twice shy...

Take care,
Musician.

MyWave wrote: I mean after all, I loved this person and I wanted to believe those sweet words and tender praise. Initially, I think I clung to her honey scented words even more so when I started to see the polar difference in her actions. I didn't want to have to admit that I walked into the web of a black widow. In fact, I tried like hell to supress those dark feelings my intuition kept sending me about her. To accept the reality of her would not only be a painful experience, but it would also mean I would have to accept the fact that in a way I betrayed myself which gave this disordered person a green light to abuse and use me

Moreover, the sad reality is I loved a very calculated presentation of images that she presented...one that is purely designed for her to objectify me and drain me of myself. When you finally confront or be confronted by the real her, it quickly and stunningly hits you that your intuition was so very right all along

MyWave thank you for this. You truly hit what I have been carrying around in my heart and hit it spot on!!!

Yanno I saw her in the lobby and then the parking lot of my work and it was just surreal. All of my worst fears about her came out. She was raging and just acting insane, but what really grabbed me is seeing her with no mask. There was no script, no soft words, but what I saw was pure rage. Although it was hard to watch, it was also the best thing for me to see in terms of beginning to heal. As hard as it was...I know in my core I did the right thing by severing ties...

I hear you also about the betrayl of oneself...never again my friend