I have been lingering around the forum a bit lately and wanted to post a thread for the singular purpose of bringing together any other children of HPD individuals, to hopefully provide some answers to those who have children with other HPD or who have relatives who are HPD and have children.
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1.) It will never be easy being the child of an HPD. Living with a parent who has a disorder, no matter what that disorder may be, is going to be far more difficult than being raised by someone who truly takes care of you because they don't have their own issues to address.
2.) HPD children will likely have a lot of work ahead of them in life. My sister and I both have been through a lot of counseling, but the mark our mother left on us will never fade. She was with my mother in her younger years, when she was able to inflict her problems full-force full-time; living with the threat card being played daily. I, being 12 years her junior, was with my mom in harder times, when she became very ill (and/or exclaiming that she were very ill) and the guilt card was played more than not. We're going to be working it out for a very long time.
3.) We don't have it easy in relationships. This again rings true for children of parents with any disorder. My sister and I both, although very different, have a very hard time really connecting with people. We have little trust to give, and don't give it often. We're awkward. We get taken advantage of an incredible amount after for so many years being the rescue helicopter for the train wreck. Always being at the beck and call of an HPD and needing to drop everything and devote your attention to someone at the drop of a dime lends itself well to other greedy predators, and believe me, they notice.
4.) On a personal note, we both feel quite starved for attention ourselves, both feel like we're never good enough, both feel like we'll never be fulfilled. I think this is in part to having a parent who always, no matter what, was better than us and found it easy to be better than us; a parent who would be the star of our birthday parties and other celebratory gatherings; a parent who's world always revolved around them. We both, equally, have a hard time being authentic in front of people. On numerous occasions we've been suspected of acting "fake"; hey, what can I say, we were taught by THE BEST.
I welcome other thoughts/opinions directly from children who have made it through the other side of a PD parent- whether it is HPD or otherwise (if you've found your way to our forum). It's helpful to feel like we're not alone, especially since (especially with blame-shifting types) we always feel like we're at fault....