does this forum have real HPD's

Does anyone think that there is true HPD's on this forum? How can that be when they don't reflect or don't even know themselves? Or have empathy.

has anyone actually been truly diagnosed on this forum?

Actually, there are HPDs who are aware there's something strange about them but they just don't want to think too much about it and/or do something about it unless they find a reason to (this reason is usually out of a very selfish motive, and even then they're very likely to change their mind as soon as the reason disappears and, thus, quit trying to seek a solution for their problem).

Hi CMJ
We must remember that HPD is a state of mind that leads to a particular way of life and relationships. Unless severe and leading to deliberately malicious treatment of others (i believe most of the malicious treatment to be unconscious, they just don't realise how much they hurt...) i don't think one can call it an illness, it has more of a chance of making us on the receiving end ill because we cannot live like they do nor understand them. I believe most HPD to be quite happy with themselves on a day to day basis, but i also believe that most deny specific issues that are too painful to address. This denial probably explains why so few use this forum. In short their denial allows them to live under the illusion that everything is just fine. There are one or two exceptions, "Trying to Change" being one recently, however from what I have seen on here their input is sketchy and their participation inconsistent ( i.e. they are highly worried about the condition one day to dismiss it, or accord it far less importance the next...). As you have probably witnessed through your relationship, this is highly typical of the condition.

Cheers Musician

Hi, cmj. I have/am HPD. My therapist has also said that I have some obsessive disorder as well as a little antisocial mixed in (the acting out). I've known about the HPD since late August this year.

What Calavera said,

Actually, there are HPDs who are aware there's something strange about them but they just don't want to think too much about it and/or do something about it unless they find a reason to (this reason is usually out of a very selfish motive, and even then they're very likely to change their mind as soon as the reason disappears and, thus, quit trying to seek a solution for their problem).

is dead-on. That's been me all my adult life... --> knowing I make bad decisions, knowing something's not right, hearing people say things about me... knowing that i could be completely different around different people -- and that if some people knew who i was with others (and likewise), they'd be totally shocked. i'd made a real mess of my life and would every now and then feel the desire to fix it --- which never went that far.

When i met and fell for 411needed, i thought i was different and had been wanting to change my life around. i was so afraid i'd hurt him somehow, even though i didn't want to. and i did - i kept hurting him, i kept dismissing him, my behaviors showed that i did not care or respect him even though in my heart, i felt love & respect? i thought i did? when you have HPD and you don't know it, yeah you are in a fantasy world that is completely veiled and you don't even know that you are wrong and in a fantasy world.

411needed compared it to the matrix. yeah, i'm like John Anderton waking up in zion... but not concrete like that would be More like, explaining the matrix to someone while they're in it and not showing them zion...

....Things aren't how i have thought them to be, ...... i was looking at 411needed on Monday night, and then... I saw him - really saw him - another real human being - a man who loves me and has given his life to me, a man with his own life and thoughts and dignity ---- it was so overwhelming that i burst into real tears of empathy and shame and feeling of awe....

When i happened to find out about this PD, as i had never heard of it before, and i have to say that i felt some relief because i now KNEW what was wrong with me - what to target and how to change etc....... like walking around a room in the dark trying to clean the messy room and then turning on the light and you can see all the mess and organize the cleaning better....

Musician924,

There are one or two exceptions, "Trying to Change" being one recently, however from what I have seen on here their input is sketchy and their participation inconsistent ( i.e. they are highly worried about the condition one day to dismiss it, or accord it far less importance the next...).

I cannot speak for anyone else, but participating in here is tricky.

1) HPD is about getting attn, so I'm careful not to talk too much as to avoid this.

2) posting in this forum as HPD is like being an arsonist posting in a forum of arsonist victims, talking about what it's like to be an arsonist and the internal struggles you face fighting those urges...

...... wouldn't feel the welcome or that your input is appropriate. And i'm being sensitive to all this... no, not for my own selfish needs, but because i recognize that ppl in this forum have been hurt by people with my condition and yeah i guess i realize being tactful (tact... something that i used to lack...)

Cmj,

Does anyone think that there is true HPD's on this forum? How can that be when they don't reflect or don't even know themselves? Or have empathy.

It is a good question. Because those mired in the HPD completely unawares wouldn't come on here. But just realizing & accepting your HPD does not completely negate the condition. I mean, it helps a LOT, but it's only the beginning... from what i've read in this forum, some HPD people have been introduced to the PD and say it's not them and get defensive and deny it. The only time I've ever heard about it is when I came across it and it spooked me so much b/c it described me so well.

So yes, people can be true HPDs on this forum, like me - but i'm quiet -- to be tactful and appropriate and to avoid attention-seeking activities.

Deadly seems HPD and so does TTC.

yeah, my wife is right!

You don't even want to know what we have been through to get to where we are....

It takes ALOT to make a person realize what they have been doing for years isn't right! We have had physical fights............. We have had screaming matches............ We have cried..................... We have freaked out.............. I have moved everything of hers out.................. It is very, very draining to say the least!

Usually a person with HPD will leave before you find out all the lies, hurtful things they have done and what they have been doing to you. With my wife, I found out! Things didn't add up! Too many guys in the picture! Too many stories with lack of detail! The memory was very short lived!! Something was missing!! I just felt it and didn't like the feeling I was starting to have!!

We had a fight about a guy that was emailing her and explaining in the email about how much he cared for her. I freaked the ###$ out!! This was the second time she had received the same type of email from the same guy. This was after she promised to tell me that if another guy from her past tried to contact her to let me know! She never did. Instead she stayed in touch and I just happened to be at the computer and I was watching everything and anything!! I seen the secon email and walked in to confront her which she denied. I ended up choking her as hard as I could. I felt sooo betrayed. So betrayed!!! They never really give up on the guys before you. They don't realize the pain part! I told my wife last night that the connection between real life and show was missing.

You want to know what made my wife really realize the hurt she caused me, violence. It sucks, but it was violence! I let go of all the pain, suffering and deep down betrayal...... I ended up hurting her several times after trying to talk to her and her looking at me with a blank stare! I lost control............ she started to see and feel what she was doing to me! You can't talk to them.......... It just doesn't work! It isn't right to make someone loose control like that but they will if you are trying to deal with it.

the blank stare. that is a major time that i am completely disconnected and not there. it is intensely stressful and i just "leave." what are you feeling what are you thinking? nothing - only that i'm stressed and at a total loss....and 411needed is looking at me.......i don't know what he sees or feels....

i think it's because i didn't learned to deal with reality and disassociate. i used to have 'panic attacks' but not really panic attacks. i described them to my therapist who said they're dissociative. for years doctors would just say, oh panic attack.

i don't get them anymore. at some random moments, i would feel like i'd already seen this before (kinda like dejavu?) but i would get physiological responses - dizzy - light headed, one time i puked. i couldn't respond or be apart of what was going on b/c i felt not there at all. when it was done (usually a minute or so? less?) i wouldn't know what happened - what was said, what i thought, what triggered it. even though at the times, i would be listening intently to what was going on because i felt that dejavu weird feeling.

so my husband is yelling or crying or stressed etc and i'm just --- at a loss --- i do leave. i don't know how to be there. my therapist says, what are you running from? my husband says, make the connection and pay attn to when you go unconscious.

last night, he was talking and i felt terrified. i said to myself, 'i feel terrified,' to identify my feelings. then i sat up and noticed how he was flanked by the cat and the dog and was noticing the symmetry of their heads on the pillows.....

i can -feel- better when i'm alone. but when confronted, i 'leave'. when thinking of the pain i've caused my husband, it's really hard. i think, what have you done? what were you thinking? how could you do this? look at what you have done... but i think i've disconnected myself...

my husband described our relationship as us walking along and then he notices i flicker- i am a holograph image and disappear and my real person is way over there. i feel like that image, too. i thought i was that image, too.....

WOW! 411! That blank stare is so scary! You and I have the same story...but as much as I wanted to shake the $#%^ out of her...I pushed
her. Pushed her towards the door and told her to get the ###$ out!

My emotions didnt matter to my ex-HPD partner...it was like I was a
object a stranger.

Just like your past...my ex-HPD partner couldnt keep track of all the lies and things werent adding up. I work inthe resturant bussiness(very popular one for the trendy crowd)...so you can imagine the stories I was hearing from people seeing my ex-HPD with guys or
someone who knew someone about her.

I dont know how times her phone would blow up with text for her to say...O its my mom or brother or a old guy friend....which I found out to be lies. Yet, she was so convincing about marrying me.

Her parents lost 3K in deposits for our weeding not to mention 2k
for the there lawyer. She has made this out to be a live soap opera.

The funny thing she posted a blog on her myspace that said this.
"Im not getting married I dont have to explain myself to anyone. Lets just say our lives will be better lived apart. Maybe I can write
a clever rant about this someday.

What is so clever about what she did!! SICK SICK!
She cant explain herself she doesn't know how!!!

I feel for you 411...and Im not sure if you are still with your "wife"
but if you are....Im afraid for you!!

Im glad she is posting here and I would to get some more insight from her.

What is it that they fantasize about?
Does HPD's like physical attraction or just attention?

don't be afraid for my husband. he can handle his own. he is my husband and I am his wife. no parentheses about it. his love for me is true and deep; he sees me changing and he has hope. i dragged him into my hell where we have fought and we're making our way out now. i'm f*cking determined because i'm finally realizing who he is and what love is. and he is a strong man who, though he hurts, will not crumble. so you can leave your "i'm afraid for you" at the door. He's the last person on earth to be afraid for.

What is it that they fantasize about?

what the world should be like; what relationships should be like; anything to avoid reality. if i made a different decision in my life what my life would be like -would it be better etc...all from a "ME" standpoint, note.

Does HPD's like physical attraction or just attention?

i used to hate negative attention. so then why would i always would do things to attract it. but i hated it ... so i guess i felt i needed attention to feel validated as a person? cause i didn't do that for myself?

gottafig: Thanks, I was say im afraid for him because he is taking this
chance. He has to look over his shoulder for the rest of his life with you. That is not a shot at you...its just the reality of being with someone is HPD. What if you split off from your-self again. He cant do a thing about it. You will be impossible to connect to. you will few yourself as a commodity...you will have no control over you.

I am thankful that you can give me some insight to why you do the things you do. But it must be hard because you know yourself so little.

gottafig: can you tell me something? Will my ex-hpd partner try
to win me back again or try to seduce me again? what kind of
games can i expect for the next 18 years since we had a child together? Will she get mad once I find someone else or will she not even care? I guess what I am asking is how I can make her regret what she did...how do I get the power over her that would drive her crazy. I never want to be with her again...I just want to finally feel like the ball is in my court. I want this power over her so that I don't fall for her tricks again. she stripped me of my power and I want it back.

I'm still with my wife. I told her " Are you willing to put up the pain involved with 2 years of lies, being mean and letting me get these feeling off my chest" and she has. I was able to get off my chest all the built up feelings that I don't believe most on here get a chance to do. "Good or bad? Most would say bad? Depends on your perception of live and memory? Can you take what you have done to me?" she would node and look scared. I told her that the feeling she feels it kinda what is going through my mind, it kinda clicked!

Its hard sometimes. All the lies, violence and thoughts of what our relationship will be? Show me a relationship that doesn't end for some reason though? Show me a couple that have been together for over 30 years that haven't went crazy at one point until both realize what they want and make it work. I'm working on a solution to fix my relationship instead of killing off my life.

My wife knows, keep up with the games and lies? Get the ###$ out of my life!! She has reached a point where she is trying to change her personality. If she stops working on herself, well she knows I have to be real with myself. She will be gone and the games stop.... I only get this one shot at life and I have extended it to her? Only time is the true test though, only time shows the truth!

I have good times with her! I have co dependency issues and I know that. I have been the strong one in my family and the one that everyone runs to with problems. I am wired a little different in my own ways because of the codependency. I leave and cut people out but it takes alot to reach that point but when I do. That is it! There is no more feeling for you, only thoughts of the memory!