My Story. The Awakening

Well, my ex is "playing " a couple of guys at the same time, and her excuse for one guy, while partying out with another is invariably that she's been sick and bedridden "the whole week". HPDs have a very strong tendency to somatisation as well, so possibly she believes all her illnesses herself.

By the way, I have a very strong hunch that the somatisation is something that sticks in their infantile personality from the days back in time when being ill implied that you were automatically "removed" from daily responsibilites for the time being, and being taken care of. After all, when you were sick as a kid the whole world stopped turning just for you, right? Your mom stays home JUST for you, to take care of you, and you don't have to do chores or go to school or anything. Sweet oblivion kicks in, you do nothing and it's okay. You even get pity for it.

I've noticed this reflex in my ex on several occasions. She tended to view "being sick" as the be all end all solution to situations that were too challenging.

And me being the "grownup", we collided. Her thinking was "I just can't do this reaaally important exam because I am sick. Case closed", where my thinking was "well, you just CAN'T be sick right now because this exam is waaay to important".

Don't get me wrong, I'm not the drill-sergeant type by a long shot. In fact I enabled her for two years. But after that I started to see through the lies and had enough of her irresponsible ways. I used to hate this polarisation: her being the eternal child forced me to be much more adult, stern and boring than I wanted to be.

Oknow wrote:.... She also just dropped into the mail that she was attending lots of hostpital appointments which was annoying her boss. No other explanation as to what was wrong etc. So I tried to be polite and replied saying, hope all will be well. Good Luck. Then she replied with 'I'll mail you all the gory details tomorrow'... Then I realised I was being sucked in again. So I have not made any further contact. Question:

1 Is this medical thing anything to do with what I've read that HPD's will feel ill if things are not going right with them. Is this familiar.
2 Do you think this was an atempt to start the chat back up?

First off congrats on seeing this manipulation and putting a STOP to it

My answer to your first question is a resounding yes. With my HPD, she would use the medical thing constantly as a way to get supply. She would do this mainly when she when she overcome with depression and/or anxiety. She would also do this when she feared I was about ready to end things. They are terrified of that if they don'y have another source ready to go. She would up the ante on this at times and say she thinks she has cancer, they have to run tests, or maybe I am just pregnant??? Anything that would buy her TIME to the point where she thought we were secure again...

My answer to your second question is without a doubt yes. She still has an agenda with you and is using her so called medical condition' as her way back into your life. She is baiting you and will judge whether to pursue solely based on your immediacy/answer
My ex used to do this all the time...my guess is her new source isn't what she had hoped and wants to renew your source...that is until she finds another or you both get too close...they just really can't do true intimacy. Instead, they will divert and have you rescue and validate them...it is a unfillable black hole

Be wise and better yet be good to yourself and disappear

donlimpio wrote:her excuse for one guy, while partying out with another is invariably that she's been sick and bedridden "the whole week". HPDs have a very strong tendency to somatisation as well, so possibly she believes all her illnesses herself.

By the way, I have a very strong hunch that the somatisation is something that sticks in their infantile personality from the days back in time when being ill implied that you were automatically "removed" from daily responsibilites for the time being, and being taken care of.

Mine was/is a major somatizer. Here mystery illness, or 'problem' as she prefers, is central to her identity. Every day is worse than the day before and she will at times just cry and cry about not knowing what to do next, running out of options, or if she can ever have hope of getting better. She wants her man of the hour to take responsibility for finding the solution by endlessly researching, calling, arranging for her to see alternative practicianers who have unique insight and ability to fix her. Of course none of them are ever satisfactory and she demands that he be constantly researching the next possibility. She uses it to justify anything and everything in terms of avoidance of responsibility and infantile behavior and to manipulate every situation and keep the focus of attention on her special needs and incapacities at all times. And yes, she does believe it and is pretty good evidence that she actually believes the various illusions she creates even though she has to deliberately lie all the time to keep them in play. It's quite interesting how the reality and fantasy are blurred and just become one reality to her.