a profile. hpd?tell me what you think.

background
said that she belived her mother had BPD
said that as a child she was treated like a thing
that boundaries were inconsistent. that when she performed she was praised, but even this was inconsistent
she was nicknamed 'show' short for show girl by her mother
self admitted 'flirt'

presentation
despite being in her mid forties she dressed much younger. often wearing fishnets for example.
flirtateous, sexually provocative in public. would dance in areas where no on else was dancing in bar
would perch ehrself in a way taht everyone could see her

relationship history

romantic
2 failed marriages. the first of which she had an affair with someone at work. never admitted it to him.
spent two years in an abusive relationship. was beaten. had with her kids from first marriage.
often selected men muhc younger than herself
was a groupie for a musician and wa unduly sentimental with the realtionship. despite the fact the person treated her
in a very demeaning way.
other relationships were characterized by shallow short lived relationships. commented that she had dated soeone for a year
but the breakups meant that they had actually only been together for about a month.
exes often remained as freinds, or somewhere in the background

frienships
very few if any. claimed women dislike her. felt most of her past female friends ahd been '###$ up', but was
mostly short on details about them or what had happened to end the realtionships. had guy friends- most of whom were exes-
and were exceedingly shallow.

behaviour
as mentioned before flirtateous. very foccussed upon appearance, and sexuality. charming, funny, entertaining.
bored easily. discussion topics were exceedingly shallow. self absorbed. in my time with her she often forgot
significant aspects of my life. asking ' why ahve you enver told me abotu this ebfore' when i had spent much time talkign about
the subjects.showed very little empathy or understanding of others, including her own children. one of whom i think likely
has HPD as well.

whatever conflict might arise, was pervasively incapable of considering toher perspectives. alomst always managed to
plead taht somehow she was the victim of any conflict and she had absolutely no responsibility in the matter.

had emotinal outburts, of which anger was expresssed in shocking ways. had tantrums. cried on cue. but the emotions came
and went quickly.

her expression emotions often seemed insincere and staged.

had a babyish voice that was used in a manipulative way.

commented that her children had taken care fo ehr from a young age.

in conflicts vacilated between acting the victim, claiming no responsibiity, mkaing threats, and attacking me personally.

hostroy of alcoholism.

often had a huge smile at innapropriate times. ie breakups

work
marketer.

i had dated her on and off for about 8 months. i recently sent her packing and started looking up personality disorders. once
i ahd taken erh to ahealth store to get herbal medication for sleeplessness and pain. i joked with a clerk that
we needed a herabl rememdy for a presonality disorder and she looked like she had been punched in the gut. that stuck in my mind.

Joelmac, welcome to the forum. All this sounds very familiar and histrionic to me. No need to go over the points in specific because I just read your whole post thinking "Check. Check. Yeah. Oh yeah. Check. Been there. Check" and so on... Brrrrr.. Gives me shivers just thinking about it.

I'd say "congratulations, you got out alive" and advise you to never look back (if only I was as good at following my own advice).

Oh yeah, and also: either you got tired or agitated as you typed more, because your spelling got progressively worse the further into your post! I just mention this because I recognise this: my spelling and grammar are typically close to impeccable, but when I write about my ex I sometimes seem close to dyslexic !

I wish I'd gotten out in 8 months ...

don
thanks for your response. thats funny i felt the same way when checkign through other peoples posts (ye. check. seen it. wow.)

ive had my bakc and forths with my little hpder.

yea shes very attractive, but it ends there. in retrospect how easy we are to be manipulated. they stroke our ego and excite us sexually. and i dont know abotu you, but i knew she was never sincere, and i knew i didnt love her. how could anyone?They are emotionally vacant, moral defects with the emotional maturity of a child!

they deserve nothign more than our laughter.

last time i told her she had near pathological inability to accept responsibility, that she had no clue what love is. that shes incapable of conducting ehrself wiht even a modicum of maturity. that will give me a week or so maybe a month.

Next time, I'm telling her shes a bad mother( which is very true) and that she likely has a personality disorder and that i have no respect for her whatsoever.

Hey Joel,

Yep.sounds like HPD.................

joelmac wrote: in retrospect how easy we are to be manipulated. they stroke our ego and excite us sexually. and i dont know abotu you, but i knew she was never sincere, and i knew i didnt love her. how could anyone?They are emotionally vacant, moral defects with the emotional maturity of a child!

Yeah... In all honesty I spent quite some time with her where I didn't really feel as if I liked her. I had started to find her shallow, hard to live with, irresponsible, childish and overly dramatic. But she was very beautiful and sexy, and this kept me hooked. Unfortunately, it was the promise of sex that kept me hooked, actually, because she proclaimed that she had a lot of trouble being intimate with me, due to her being raped on several occasions. Looking back these remarks make you wonder, of course... She did not have any problem sleeping with other men .

But I digress: at times I'm a bit disappointed in myself really, that I would stay with someone for these reasons (looks and sex). I sure did pay the price for not staying for mature and healthy reasons..

don
well i guess we dont always like what is good for us.

anyways all this time ive been assuming that hpd's werent taught love from their parents and are like lost children in the woods, with no compass or map for emotional life.

but there is also the 'nature' argument. that hpd is genetic. that scares me. reminds me of thomas moores 'bad seed' theory- that some people are just born bad.

makes me think teh cluster b's might actually be what religious people call evil. and i wonder- if evil and good are attracted to one another.

i for example had wonderful parents, very kind people. but me and my siblings have had a hard time getting entangled with borderline sociopaths. guess we were kinda taught to be rescuers.