Introspective HPD friend

pinkflamingo, It's OK I didn't think you were dissing my idea. It's good to get other people's take on the situation. I would not have ever thought of your point and it was a good one.

I think we are so used to being normal people and not realizing that they don't think like we do. If someone gave me a book on something that applied to my situation I would read it with an open mind. Excepting responsibilty for actions is not an HPD thing to do so excepting the info in the book would mean facing responsibilty.

I have a hard time thinking like an HPD, it's not in my nature.

swiftwin RUN like your ass is on fire! If you can transfer in your job, do so ASAP. If you can't I highly recommend looking for another position. She will not stop the torture tactics. It is no suprise she is hitting on your friend as she knows this will eat at you. She is going for the full smear campaign on you and remember she is a skilled manipulator...

The only way to break free is to literally get away from them. Once she realizes that your serious about NO CONTACT, she will find another target.

I think our biggest mistkae as kind people is we are horrid 'bad enders'....meaning we stick around in some capacity and it only serves as a bullseye for the HPD. She will escalate this while playing the victim, mark my words

Be good to yourself and get out of harms way...anything less of this and your fooling yourself

MW

[quote="pinkflamingo"]She's not introspective. The HPD behavior you have described is not that of an introspective person.

I think when she expressed that she was "crazy" and all, she was actually just saying what she thought you wanted to hear AS A MEANS TO MANIPULATE YOU. That's what I think.

Don't try to help her. You are not qualified to. If she truly wanted help, she would get it herself in a psychiatrist's office.

And personally, I don't think there's hope with HPDs. They're in such deep denial and seemingly totally unaware that their behavior even hurts people! They blame others for the messes they create.

It's like playing with fire, truly. If you like the excitement, take up bungee jumping.[/quote]

I am going to have to dissagree with you. I am a 20 year old young woman, and I have HPD. I have admitted that I need help and am currently in therapy. My boyfriend and I are very happy together, and I am trying to be better for him. You have to realize that HPD is a mental disorder. I'm not evil and I don't do these things on purpose just to hurt people. I do these destructive things because I need attention to prove to myself that I am worthy enough to live. I am aware that my behavior has hurt many people in my life. Please don't take out your frustrations by exclaiming that there is no hope for those of us with HPD.

Hey Striving,

You do sound like an HPD with a heart.

I wish mine had a heart,......but it's history now.


W.N.

Striving,

Glad to hear that you are trying to work on your issues. Just keep in mind that most HPD's usually avoid therapy and are not accountable for their all too often destructive actions

Best wishes
MW

Striving,

Sorry to put you on the defensive. That was not my intention.

You sound much healthier than any PDed person I have encountered (and many non-PDed people, for that matter). Have you been diagnosed HPD? Since you are saying that you are introspective, I would surmise that you may have the traits of HPD, but not the full-blown disorder. Is that possible?

I think that PDs are a coping mechanism to avoid looking at the self. So, if you do hurt someone with your behavior, not only do you not notice it (and don't reflect upon it), it does not even cross your mind that you may be hurting someone (!), because the defense mechanism does not allow for it.

In my opinion, if you are self-reflective, you are not PDed.


Also, please do not try to get better "for him", get better for yourself, ok? You are worth it!

Pf

striving,

Many of the HPD's talked about here don't even try to reconcile their behavior so it's no surprise that your initial posts were met with the typical "but it sounds like you know what you're doing, that's not right.." Pathological behavior doesn't mean we don't know what we're doing, it means we can't help it and the majority of us here understand that.

To pinkflamingo's comment about doing it for yourself: At the beginning of the day it's more important to have something concrete to work for, even if that means changing yourself for someone else. I know this flies in the face of "everyone's unique" and "just be yourself" but being yourself with HPD is a scary sight. I have found that one of the most rewarding things I have done is balance my HPD behavior with a little conservative idealism a la my significant other. Go for it. If you think that in the end it might benefit you to try and rein yourself in and your boyfriend is the guiding light that will take you there, so be it.

hystrio

I was offering a healthy perspective. It is better NOT to use people and NOT to change yourself for someone else.

Of course, it most likely is impossible to change that dramatically, or even have the desire to do so, in the case of HPD.

If an HPD (or anyone) needs certain crutches in order to make their way in the world, go for it. You can only take baby steps on the path to health. HOWEVER, personally, I would rather not hear that a PERSON (rather than a substance or an activity) is being used in that way. It's unethical and disturbing.

It's nonsense to say that using a person can help you to get healthy. Is THAT a means to an end? What about the other person's feelings/needs/wants/right to have a healthy person in their life? THINK of the other person. It's not his job to heal you.

It's truly a backwards way of relating and of viewing the world.

Face your fear (of being yourself), delve into it and heal yourself. No person can do this for you.

Pf

hystrio wrote:striving,

To pinkflamingo's comment about doing it for yourself: At the beginning of the day it's more important to have something concrete to work for, even if that means changing yourself for someone else. I know this flies in the face of "everyone's unique" and "just be yourself" but being yourself with HPD is a scary sight. I have found that one of the most rewarding things I have done is balance my HPD behavior with a little conservative idealism a la my significant other. Go for it. If you think that in the end it might benefit you to try and rein yourself in and your boyfriend is the guiding light that will take you there, so be it.

hystrio

pinkflamingo wrote:I was offering a healthy perspective. It is better NOT to use people and NOT to change yourself for someone else.

Very true.

Understand, though, that at times, that can really help in the case of the HPD and there are people strong enough and willing enough to influence them to change. It's not a healthy approach but it helps. I know because it's happened in front of me.

However, most of the time, people don't know how to deal with HPDs, so it's always best to avoid them (and in case it's impossible to avoid them, avoid their drama by being indifferent to their behaviours).

pink flamingo,

i am not using my boyfriend as a crutch. rather, our relationship is my motivation to keep going to therapy. i love him and don't want to lose him. he loves me and is willing to help me through therapy.

just wanted to clear that up.