Lyrics for me?

Last night a mutual friend of the ex hpd's and I contacted me and asked me about some lyrics that my ex recently posted. Here they are...

Hurt
Artist Christina Aguilera
Album Back To Basics (2006) , Track 6 Disc 2


Seems like it was yesterday
When I saw your face
You told me how proud you were,
But I walked away
If only I knew what I know today
Ooh, ooh

I would hold you in my arms
I would take the pain away
Thank you for all you've done
Forgive all your mistakes
There's nothing I wouldn't do
To hear your voice again
Sometimes I wanna call you
But I know you won't be there

Oh, I'm sorry for blaming you
For everything I just couldn't do
And I've hurt myself by hurting you

Some days I feel broke inside
But I won't admit
Sometimes I just wanna hide
'Cause it's you I miss
And it's so hard to say goodbye
When it comes to this, ooh

Would you tell me I was wrong?
Would you help me understand?
Are you looking down upon me?
Are you proud of who I am?

There's nothing I wouldn't do
To have just one more chance
To look into your eyes
And see you looking back

Oh, I'm sorry for blaming you
For everything I just couldn't do
And I've hurt myself, oh

If I had just one more day
I would tell you how much that I've missed you
Since you've been away
Ooh, it's dangerous
It's so out of line
To try and turn back time

I'm sorry for blaming you
For everything I just couldn't do
And I've hurt myself..
By hurting you....

Mutual friend asked me if I have been in contact. I told her no, but seeing those lyrics really jolted me. It just brings back alot of painful memories and it just crushes me. I couldn't sleep most of the night cause of this.

Why the hell did she show me these lyrics??? It just sent me back to a dark place. It just makes me damn sad. I reaaly didn't need this...

Ouch, I can see how reading that would have hurt a lot! BUT, you have to make yourself remember all the bad times, especially the bad times that following you forgiving her and her hurting you all over again. The sentiment in those lyrics was probably a fleeting emotion for your ex- nothing more. Five minutes later she probably was on to something completely different. I would tell your mutual friend not to show you any more things like that, or even mention your ex to you at all again. Try to distract yourself from thoughts about her.

Hang in there- it does get better soon!!!

Roni,

Thanks for your quick reply. Reading those lyrics sent me back to 7 months ago and all the pain and heartbreak that goes with it. It feels like I was baited. Well I hope they are happy cause frankly it just hurts like hell...

I guess you are right, maybe she was low on her supply threw this out to see how I would react? Maybe this is as close to an apology as I will ever get? Is this just another manipulation designed to hurt me? Maybe it was just a fleeting moment as you say and she left it on her myspace in hopes that I would see it...

I guess I need to remember this hurt, but honestly I hate this. I feel so incredibly weak again. It feels like starting over and I hate how easily affected I am by it. It really frustrates how she can get to me still

grrrr

MyWave, I think you might be doing the same thing I and many of us here have done too many times to count: you're assuming that your HPD is thinking things through and acting according to some sort of plan, twisted or otherwise. The truth is that HPDs can't even act on a twisted plan. They can't think through an interpersonal situation, come up with an understanding, and choose their actions accordingly. That would involve way too much cognitive activity, logic, and introspection.

As hard as it is to believe, the HPD acts only on momentary feelings. There isn't anything deeper. They might be very intelligent, but they're incapable of the kind of thought process you're giving yours credit for. You other guys on here-do you agree?

Roni,

Although I hate to admit it, you've definitely got a much better idea of how we work than most people here. We do occasionally set up insidious traps that even McGuyver couldn't resist. However, more often than not we take a passing emotion waayyyy too seriously and act on it instantly.


MyWave,

I can't recommend in any way that you take what she is saying to heart. Sure, in that fleeting moment of weakness she probably did realize that she had hurt you and was deeply sorry beyond what you can imagine, but, that is not a sustained feeling. She would eventually revert back to how you remember her and it would kill you. You've got to stop checking in on her if you want this to go away and under no circumstances should you contact her directly. Trust me, it's akin to opening the hatch of a submarine 1,000 ft below sea. That's about the best advice I can give you if you want to seriously be rid of her. I'm sure it sucks but you will live on and she will continue to screw up until she starts to develop a conscience.

First off I wanna thank you both for your prompt replies. I really appreciate the insight that you both gave. I understand now and agree completely. This was just another bear trap bent on pulling me emotionally back into her web. Amazing what lengths they will go to get you back into their game. She would have no problem killing me off if it meant she could access my 'supply'. There just are no limits to their manipulations. This is what they do and are...

I have been really good about keeping no direct contact. I think this situation has taught me about making sure I also focus on all non-direct contact. I do believe this mutual friend was well intentioned. Many just don't understand HPD to the level that is understood on this site. I took the bait as far as looking at the information presented, but my ex doesn't even know that. In the future my walls will be higher and I will make it clear to our mutual friends that I prefer no information about her...

Thanks again for helping me get clarity on this

MyWave,

It sounds like you are definitely making progress in leaving her behind and moving on. I'm glad it's working out for you because I know first hand the long lasting psychological effects HPD's can have on the right people.

My one word of caution is that in building walls to keep her out, you are keeping her in mind. It might be better to just pretend she didn't exist at all. Either way, I wish you perseverance and good luck.

hystrio

Roni wrote:MyWave, I think you might be doing the same thing I and many of us here have done too many times to count: you're assuming that your HPD is thinking things through and acting according to some sort of plan, twisted or otherwise. The truth is that HPDs can't even act on a twisted plan. They can't think through an interpersonal situation, come up with an understanding, and choose their actions accordingly. That would involve way too much cognitive activity, logic, and introspection.

As hard as it is to believe, the HPD acts only on momentary feelings. There isn't anything deeper. They might be very intelligent, but they're incapable of the kind of thought process you're giving yours credit for. You other guys on here-do you agree?

I totally agree, Roni. It is a disorder, after all.

she will continue to screw up until she starts to develop a conscience

This brings up an interesting question.

Last New Year's Eve, I confronted my ex-HPD and actually asked her if she had a conscience.

So..... can they eventually develop a conscience if they get "beat up" enough??