new here...need some insight

hey all...i was reffered here from another website, and upon reading up on HPD, i think i am begining to understand some of my STBXW's actions we are seperated and will be divorcing as she is pregnant with someone else's child (I KNOW!!) ....she definately shows traits of HPD....here are some of them:

* she is an actress....literally.... has always been very active in theatre, and seemed to overdramatize anything that happened, even the slighteset disagreement we would have.

* always had to look good when we were going somewhere...sometimes it would take her up to two hours to get ready to go somewhere...at which point i had lost any desire to actually go, because i would have to rearrange plans with people, etc.

* very much wanted to be the supportive shoulder for other people...would always tell people they could come to her if they needed to talk.

* would go out of her way to do things for people, even if it meant sacrificing time that we had planned for something, and didn't seem to have a problem with putting me on the back burner...validated it by saying "oh, he'll understand"

* early in our relationship, she would have no problem not coming home after work, and just going out and not letting me know what she was doing...even after i saked her to at least call and let me know, she would still do it.

* left other relationships because "they had problems with accepting who i was. they didn't like me going out all the time" etc.

* seems to need to have somewhere soft to land....walked out of last relationship, and we started dating about a month afterwords ( i diidn't know it at the time how short it had been since she left) and now we are seperated, and she is back with previous boyfriend, and is pregnant.

* need for constant attention, wanting to be the life of the party....once told me that she wanted me to be able to give her attetion and affection without wanting any for myself (still not sure what she meant by that)

*last summer, found out about 3 different guys she was seeing, and kicked her out..only to have her comeback and she she was sorry, but that i needed to think about what i did (investigating rumors, and finding out about infidelity) that caused her to want to go outside the marriage.

* had a different cirlce of friends that she was running around with every couple of months...none of whom she ever introduced me to. and told me how great they were...well if they were so great, why didn't she ever introduce me to them? because they were just drinking buddies....they never actually did anything together other than hang out at the bar.

there are more, and if need be i can site other experiences....just wanted to see what other people thought....btw i am so glad i found this site.

Hi,

all of that is exactly what my ex-HPD-gf did in our relationship. imho you´re giving a very good description of the behaviours someone may expect from a HPD.
Obviously you are here to find answers for what you found strange at that woman ... read the posts here on the forum, probably it will open your eyes.

Most of us here are not professionals, so when "HPD" is said here, it´s almost always not a diagnosis made by a professional. But I believe that most of the people here were really dealing with a HPD/BPD type of person. The distress HPD/BPD causes in quality and quantity brings you sooner or later to a place where you can find answers.

well, i guess it's good to know that i wasn't crazy for thinking something was off.....and by talking to her brothers, and her mom, they have all pretty much said the same thing....that she has always been like this. i guess it just took me awhile to see it, or at least get to the point where i couldn't deal with it anymore.

she definately has a need for approval and acceptance from people...i guess the best example is that when we seperated, she went to stay with her dad, where she could pretty much come and go as she pleased. well, one day he called and asked if she was back here, and i told him no...he said she had told him that she was coming back here to try to work things out....i told him that as far as i know, she was staying with her ex....he confronted her about the lying, and said she couldn't stay there anymore....she blew up at at him, called me, and blew up at me....then apparently she got booted out of her ex's (though she told me she was open to reconciling with me and that is why she left) and was staying with a client of hers....someone she didn't really know, who i assume she could snowball. she doesn't have a very good relationship with her family right now, because she is still with ex, and they know it won't work....but now she is pregnant to him, so who knows what'll happen there? not my problem anymore.....though i do imagine it will blow up in her face.

what i'm getting at is this: i've noticed she seemed to go from place to place, finding people she can snowball, and sho will take her in...she couldn't do it with her family anymore, so she had to go elsewhere....somewhere it was all about poor her. i'm actually pretty close to her family still, so i doubt that sits too well with her, but whatever....talked to her mom about it, and she said she is never gonna change....

Hey Morphyd.........


Welcome.........................

My HPD is beautiful, life of the party, and likes to get new lovers............oh yeah. She just wanted me to be her parental figure..........and support her.........while she runs wild like a teen-ager, and occasionaly doesn't even come home.

We got "married" and she actually consumated with another guy!................it wasn't time for my once/month duty sex from her.......but it was time for her exciting new sex with a new guy............The fact that we were "newlyweds" meant nothing to her, nothing at all. I was simply her walking ATM machine..........

But she had me fooled pretty good before the wedding..........

She waited till "marriage" to take advantage of me 100% and treat me like something you try not to step in.

She will always charm new people, but the rest of us have her number so to speak........



That did it................ I left her................

Hey Morphyd,

Go to page 13 in this forum and read Chron's post
on his HPD.Fiance.............


Wisernow................