OK I have more information, what is your diagnosis?

A few months ago I posted a series of threads because of some problems I was having with my gf.

Well, new information has come to light that changes the dynamics a lot IMO. Most here thought she was innocent and just childish and too nice. Some felt she was HPD.

I have some new information which makes me think this was all just a misunderstanding.

Here is the story: about 6-7 months before she met me (when she was single), this guy on myspace had been after her persistently for several months yet could not get a date with her. He ended up offering to buy some of her art as a way of meeting her and winning her. She agreed to sell him the art but still refused to go out with him. Again, keep in mind she was single during this time.

Fast forward to the day she met me. We date a couple months and become a couple. All this time this guy is still chasing after her (even though her myspace says she is in a relationship, he apparently did not realize it).

Whenever he asks her out, she just tells him she is busy even though she is not. (I feel she should have told him she is taken). Well, he keeps trying and she keeps blowing him off by saying she is busy (even though she is not)

One day I had a talk with her about telling other guys she is taken because of something similar happening with one of her long time male friends. After this talk, when the myspace guy asks her out again, she tells him she has a bf. He offers to leave her alone and she tells him he can still be her friend because they are both christian and christians need to stick together. NOTE: this happened long before I ever got her password from her so she could have just ignored what I told her and I would not have known until several months later.

Well they keep talking over the next couple months. He tells her he likes their biblical conversations and they make his heart glad. She tells him the same. One day he tells her he is mad she never gave him a chance and chose me and says he is ready to hang out when she is. She replies back that she did not even want a bf when she met me and that it took a long time for me to get a date with her and she never wanted to see me again after our first date becaue she could not stand me at first. That she is a no sex before marriage girl and that guys always think they can pressure her into sex but she ends up leaving them because she can only take so much and that she is not sure how much longer this relationship will last. She is waiting for an answer from God.

OK, at this point I got suspicious and found out about all this by asking her for her email password. The reason I got suspicious was because she was telling me about this guy and how he tried to get a date with her when she was single by buying her art and how pathetic she thought it was and how he was always tallking biblically now to try to swoon her. I felt she was doing something to lead him on in some way.

In any case. We broke up for a while and then got back together. She ended communication with him. That is until we broke up for a couple months just recently. I ended up finding out that he had sent her an email on myspace and she told him about what had happened and how stupid she felt for venting to him about our relationship to him and how bad it looks, how much she loves me and how she never viewed him as anything other than a christian friend to talk about God with online.

So to review: she blew the guy off for months when she was single, then blew him off when we were together (albeit not in the best way). When I told her to tell guys she is taken she did even though I wouldn't have known otherwise. Then I found out after we broke up for some time that he contacted her again and she told him about her deep regrett of opening her mouth and how she was just venting and just viewed him as a friend to talk about God with.

I think this was innocent. Do you agree?

Hey,

Yeh, it sounds innocent enough. Sometimes, a person in a relationship likes to keep 'potential' partners in the sidelines in case their current relationship doesn't work out. That is maybe why she originally never told the other guy that she had a boyfriend (i.e. you). However, when you raised the issue, she realised that she was being wrong in leading the other guy along - She genuinely felt that she wasn't being fair to you. I think that is a great positive for you to take.

I don't recall your other post months ago, by the way. So, I'm just basing everything on what I'm reading now. From everything you have described here, she certainly doesn't sound like she has HPD. In fact, the picture that you have painted of her is one of a sensible girl who genuinely likes you.

Kevin

She likes being pursued by this other guy. It makes her feel special. I mean, she could find someone else to speak with aabout religious stuff, why this guy? Don't say, "because he is so knowledgable." She should talk to seminary guys who are married then, or, better yet, women who know as much as she does, or more. My thoughts.

If you have no trust in her, you have no relationship. Relationship without trust doesn't happen. If you don't trust her (with or without good cause), you are spinning your wheels, and hers.

Move on. For your sake. Perhaps for her sake.

Sounds like typical HPD behaviour in that they like to be pursued and chased. They like drama and supply and while she may not have given into him make no mistakes she likes the fact that she can control and manipulate. They have a supply whether its physical or not!