Very Unhappy

I didn't get your last message, I had to shut my server down, you can use The_stormyheart@yahoo.com I'll find the message and resend. It was a long one, even by my standards.

I'm glad things have improved with your dad. Nothing is more important than family. Trust me, well God bt other than that, nothing else is. He was with your mother fora long long time and was quite dependant on her for many things. I've watched Nacy Regan over the last few days, how wonderful it would be to be loved like she loved her husband. Anyway, I'm glad things are better.

Oh my life is pure hell right now. The only reason I've not had a nervous breakdown and have to be hospitalized is my treatmnet. Without the xanax and the knowledge that my fears are really just my own creation, I'd be in really bad shape right now.

Instead though, I think I may be experiencing sadness for the first time in my life. As opposed to depresson. It doesnt feel to wonderful either but it's not like depression.

Oh I think you probably have a personality disorder and I think you MIGHT even be right about which one, if not, you're close. You need some help but I'm not going to badger you right now. LOL

I think you are creating some of your own fears just as I do. Then obsess on them until you are depressed and thinking of suicide. You want someone to fix it. BTW, that' probably what your dad wanted. Someone to make your mom alive. Impossible but the need s so great. Please someone make me feel better. He finally made himself feel better and you will have to do the same. I think you may need some guidance on how to get there and maybe something to help with obsessing on your problems, as I have a feeling you do. That can cause some real problems.

It's almost like if we worry about them enough we can fix them, but I think part of it is we hope someone will notice and help us. They wont. Most that notice will just avoid you I'm afraid.

I hope your feeling better soon. And I always blame everything on myself. Heck I probably caused Hitler and I wasn't even born yet. LOL

Babbling, sweet candi? Girlfriend, I call it rambling. It is what I do best. Rambling makes it sound like intelligent run on sentences. We should get on the phone and wheeeew, can you hear the gossip flying? We'd be talking about You, lonely stranger. he hee. I'm broke right now though. It will get better. You just have to keep on reminding yourself. Have a peaceful weekend, JG

Hmmm, I think I might enjoy that, well until I get paranoid about it. LOL

Hi sweet candi. Thought I'd butt my big nose in here for a sec. I've discovered so many people are really searching.. but then, they put on a front. There is emotional pain that is so overwhelming, you actually CAN feel it physically. There is emptiness that can make you feel so isolated... (ironically, even moreso when you are AROUND others) Unfortunately, I do not have answers. Just so, so, so many questions. Lately, I've tried to force myself to be around others-especially women. Use to I would have given a truckload of men the finger if they whistled.. Now, its more like, curtsy"Huh, you MEAN it?" Well, in a culture where we are bombarded with sex, attractiveness is implied as our very worth... what do people expect? We can't feel guilty for that. You could find a cure for cancer, people would forget your name... But if you can keep your body fat content to an obscene low, keep your breasts robust.. all while maintaining the waist line of a Barbie doll... well, you become the American icon. .You are loved. .You are worthy. All too often, I fall into that. If you are sad, searching, depressed... please don't feel alone. Don't second guess yourself. Stay strong. JG

Hi!

I know a girl that has this HPD!

Could you please tell me about "thinkig of sleeping with my friends"?

HOw is this? Do u have this "desire"with ALL. is it physical or just imagination?

what was your relationship with your parents?

Please, Im fascinated by this HPD issue. In fact, as I said I know a girl that have it, and by your reponse it could help me to understand this fenomenon better!

THanks

JG wrote:Hi sweet candi. Thought I'd butt my big nose in here for a sec. I've discovered so many people are really searching.. but then, they put on a front. There is emotional pain that is so overwhelming, you actually CAN feel it physically. There is emptiness that can make you feel so isolated... (ironically, even moreso when you are AROUND others) Unfortunately, I do not have answers. Just so, so, so many questions. Lately, I've tried to force myself to be around others-especially women. Use to I would have given a truckload of men the finger if they whistled.. Now, its more like, curtsy"Huh, you MEAN it?" Well, in a culture where we are bombarded with sex, attractiveness is implied as our very worth... what do people expect? We can't feel guilty for that. You could find a cure for cancer, people would forget your name... But if you can keep your body fat content to an obscene low, keep your breasts robust.. all while maintaining the waist line of a Barbie doll... well, you become the American icon. .You are loved. .You are worthy. All too often, I fall into that. If you are sad, searching, depressed... please don't feel alone. Don't second guess yourself. Stay strong. JG

Hi JG. Im sorry I took so long to get back here. I appreciate your honesty and input. Yes, thats exactly how I feel. Over the past 4 years, I have slowly lost 40 lbs and am now just about at the weight and shape I was 20 years ago when I got married (before my 3 kids) and yet at times I feel like I have done this for nothing. My husband doesnt notice me anymore than he did before when I was "chunky" and we dont go out anymore (cant afford it and our schedules are crazy right now). When I am not around people who make me feel attractive, then I DONT feel attractive and I start to get depressed.

My every waking moment surrounds thoughts of sex.....and I put WAY too much value on how I (and others around me) look and the sexual "vibes" that they give off. I just turned 40 in April and have started to notice some subtle signs of aging and I am going crazy. The thought of getting older and getting wrinkles and become less attractive haunts me and scares the hell out of me.

God-Phoenix wrote:Hi!

I know a girl that has this HPD!

Could you please tell me about "thinkig of sleeping with my friends"?

HOw is this? Do u have this "desire"with ALL. is it physical or just imagination?

what was your relationship with your parents?

Please, Im fascinated by this HPD issue. In fact, as I said I know a girl that have it, and by your reponse it could help me to understand this fenomenon better!

THanks

Hi God-Phoenix and thanks for writing. I have slept with a couple of my friends already (always with the hubby present) and every single time I get together with them, I secretly hope that the evening will end with some hot sex with another (or several) other men and I am SO disappointed when it doesnt happen. I have had to keep it to my imagination, but I want it for real. My libido is in overdrive and it doesnt even matter all that much what the other person looks like, just the fact that they desire me is enough to keep my "hunger" satisfied.

A lot of it has to do with attention...it just comes out in a sexual way. We LOVE to get attention and will do almost anything to get it, including flirting with our dorky friends. We get bored very easily and need a lot of variety to keep our interest. I have even slept with women over the past few years, just to keep things interesting.

Youre total value is how you look and how others see you. If others "want" you, then you are wanted. When they stop looking, you are lost and alone (even in a room full of people). Its not good enough to look "good", you have to be the best! If you are NOT the best in the room, the attention will be given to someone else and you feel as though you have been thrown away...with yesterday's garbage. If I am in a room full of women my own age, I am more at ease and am quite often the most attractive in the room (and someone will tell me that), but I can NOT beat 20 yr old women. I dont like it when another woman is without view but especially when she is half my age. How the hell can I compete with that? And yes, EVERYTHING is a competition. The reason I stopped posting my pics online was that there is too much competition....little hot 20 yr olds posting things like "I know I dont look great..but hope you like them"...yikes....and they look SO good....how the hell can I compete with that?

I cant.....so every day I swim upstream trying to be the best because if Im not the best, I dont feel loved and accepted and dont have any value.

Hope this helps you with your friend. PLEASE dont envy her. I dont know what she looks like (Im assuming she is fairly attractive though) but Im betting that if you could get inside her head and her heart, you wouldnt want to trade places with her. Her life is a competition and she is constantly at risk of losing first place. There is no rest and no second chances and the thought of losing is a nightmare that CAN NOT happen. Dont envy her but help her and try to understand her. You will be doing something for her that only a true friend can. You will be loving her.

A lot of it has to do with attention...it just comes out in a sexual way. We LOVE to get attention and will do almost anything to get it, including flirting with our dorky friends. We get bored very easily and need a lot of variety to keep our interest.

Hope this helps you with your friend. PLEASE dont envy her. But Im betting that if you could get inside her head and her heart, you wouldnt want to trade places with her. Her life is a competition and she is constantly at risk of losing first place. There is no rest and no second chances and the thought of losing is a nightmare that CAN NOT happen.

Dont envy her but help her and try to understand her. You will be doing something for her that only a true friend can. You will be loving her.

......................................................................................................

Your comment is kinda strange! TO me this girl played with my feelings. THere were some kind of attraction between us, but as I knew she had a Boyfriend (2years) I kept distant.
You said HPD likes sex? how come? I called this girl asked her out and she never went out with me, how come? Later she said I was her friend!

Im really hurt! She left me crazy for her, than later dumped me, there were no kissing, no sex. I screw up my college and I still can take her out of my mind!

I was completely FOOLED. SHe filled me with hope and dumped me.

THe only thing I wanna do is to say to everyone she has HPD!!!!!
so I can SCREW HER UP, and show her to respect people. If she didnt want sex, what the hell she kept deceiving me?

God Phoenix,

Sorry its taken me so long to respond, but I really didnt know what to tell you. It doesnt sound to me like this girl has HPD at all (but Im not therapist). She could have been just using you for whatever...obviously it wasnt the sex.

Please dont confuse us with someone just being a "cold, hard bitch". I have never used anyone before in my life and dont plan on ever doing that. People's feelings are important to me, which is why I am here to begin with...to get help so that I can help my marriage.

Anybody heard from the lonely stranger lately? I havent heard from him in ages and Im starting to get worried.

Well.

I really had the impression that you had runned away!

Anyway,

She DOES have HPD. She showed all the signals that points to it. Believe me! BUT I'm really suspicious that she's also NARCISSITIC dissorder! Wich makes things much more dramatic!

In fact I'd not be bothered if she just wanted sex from me. She could very well be clear about that!

The problem is that nothing happened. No kiss, nothing. As I was just an "ego boost".

And what about that private message I sent you about that "article"? Come on. I just want to understand why she had to be so cruel. Just that!