What Do I Say to my Friends?!

Hi all. I've been reading for a while, but this is my first post because it's the first time I can't get anyone I know to help me solve the problem. My HPD comes and goes in waves: sometimes I don't notice anything for a month or so, and sometimes I need attention so much that it doesn't matter from whom and I'm willing to do anything I can to get it; yea, familiar story. I usually have no trouble dealing with those times because I have a few close male friends who understand the disorder and are willing to spend time with me and give me the attention I need until it goes away (which is usually quick if it's caught in time), to whom I'm extremely grateful! I have no clue how I would be able to survive without them and what kind of trouble I'd get myself in.

Recently, it's been coming up with many of them that they don't want to continue being this close to me because they feel that I'm using them for this attention, while they get absolutely nothing out of it. I'm worried because there are a few independent cases of this (between people who don't know each other). On one hand, I'm enraged: aren't they my friends?! I'm an interesting person to be around most of the time, and it's only rarely that I need to ask for something from them in return. On the other hand, I can understand where they're coming from...

How should I react? What can I tell them? If everyone abandons me at once, I'm afraid of what I'm capable of doing to myself to get the attention back. But if I make them hang around, I'll feel terrible for hurting them and forcing them into something against their will.

Any ideas anyone?

Aislynn,

Friends are not permanent and if things occur that make relationships with friends sour, then it is best to just move on. Instead of thinking that you will end-up losing everyone, try to concentrate of finding people that are like-minded and will accept you as you are.

Let me explain: I was in your situation 5 years ago. My 'friends' were helpful about my problems at first but they soon turned against me. I ended-up a right mess because I didn't understand why they were making-fun of me and ignoring my cries for help.

In any case, I learned that it is best to sever contact with people that only hurt you. These people are currently hurting you. So, don't be putting all your efforts into being their friend, if they are not reciprocating.

Kevin.

OK, I'll bite.

First, what is it that you ask of your friends "in return" for your mere presence? Are you giving as much as you are receiving? That is, when one of your friends needs something from you, even if you're not in the mood or it's not convenient for you, are you there for them?

Second, why are these friends you mention all male?

Here's a tidbit that might help you, now and in the future:

To have a friend you have to BE a friend.

Good luck.

Roni,

I knew someone would ask.

I'm not self-centered or insensitive (at least as I understand it), in fact I'm more insecure than anything else. I am there to help my friends when they need me, and very often I do. In fact, I will go out on a limb and say that besides that one little detail, I have absolutely normal friendships. Again, at least as I understand it.

That's why I'm confused why this issue is coming up in the first place.

Aislynn,

Are you giving a bunch of guys sex, to be your friends?

If so, you really do have a problem.

Wisernow wrote:Aislynn,

Are you giving a bunch of guys sex, to be your friends?

If so, you really do have a problem.

That's a bit rude Wisernow. My friends are predominantly female - Does that mean I'm having sex with all of them? No, of course not; and I have no urge to either.

Aislynn, do what you feel is best but please listen to this one line: Don't waste time with people that only hurt you.

Kevin.

Wisernow: I don't have sex with my friends, and I'm not sure why you would assume that based on anything I've said. I have one boyfriend to whom I'm loyal.

Still, it's difficult to live with what I am. People assume that one can control personality disorders because they're just a matter of personality, but this isn't so. You can't blame a hungry person for eating in the same way that you can't blame a histrionic for needing attention: it's an internal need that controls the person, not the other way around.

I wish you would be more understanding.

Aislynn,

I'm sorry. i didn't mean to sound like a jerk, but many HPD's are "wild".......

I'm glad you're wiser than that !

My poor ex couldn't stay with one guy......she threw
herself at 21 different guys in 3 years, that's a new "soulmate" about every 8 weeks....... she"s just kinda wild..........looks like Liv Tyler.......but lives like it's spring break every weekend!

Aislynn wrote:...You can't blame a hungry person for eating in the same way that you can't blame a histrionic for needing attention: it's an internal need that controls the person, not the other way around.

I wish you would be more understanding.

This is a terrible analogy. There is absolutely no comparison between needing food and needing attention.

You won't die without attention. Hunger is a biochemical process that tells us we need food. Without food we die. A healthy person experiences hunger and eats. Only in extreme circumstances will she do something illegal or immoral to obtain food.

The N/HPD exhibits a pattern of deviant or abnormal behavior that she doesn't change even though it causes emotional upsets and trouble with other people at work and in personal relationships.

You want more understanding? Try a little harder to earn it.

ccumm36D wrote:You want more understanding? Try a little harder to earn it.

I heard HPDs tend to be pretty sensitive to criticism. For once that there seems to be an introspective HPD you should try to spare her a little bit...