Can an HPD be unattractive?

From what I've been reading here so far, it seems that everyone's HPD is either sexy, gorgeous or both. I know mine is incredibly attractive. Also, can the attention they crave be qualified as an addiction? If so, shouldn't it be treated as such?

Yes an HPD can be unattractive. It's also quite possible for an HPD to not really flirt at all.

The core of an HPD is essencially somebody with the maturity of a 5-6 years old. They hook on other people so they don't have to take care of themselves or take any actual responsibility. The thing is that sex is a very quick and effective way to get attention and hook somebody. But there are plently of other ways too.

I think I heard about "somatophorm" histrionics that get attention through victimhood rather than through flirt. Those histrionics will tend to use their "victimhood" to escape from responsibility, the exact same way as the "basic" histrionic would use looks and sex to get the same thing.

Basically at the core they are the same, but they use different methods to get the same thing.

Also, histrionics do not usually like the sex in itself. For them it is just a mean to an end. A way to notice it is that histrionics will often use "sex" as a form of payment.

IE:
Partner of the HPD: "I do so many things for you... but you never reciprocate..."
HPD: "But I give you sex!"
(Sex is supposed to be a zero-sum game, the partner really is just as much giving sex to the HPD as the HPD is to the partner. Usually something like that is a sign that you have to run away, fast, and not look back.)

JJ, it's a "personality disorder" not an addiction.

While I suppose that a HPD could be less than attractive, it would not be for lack of trying.

The HPD is vain in the extreme. Obsessive about her appearance.

What's on your mind, JJ? Where are you going with this?

ccumm36D wrote:What's on your mind, JJ? Where are you going with this?

I'm not sure.

I was wondering if HPD is just a fancy term for stuck up.

I thought maybe their attractiveness is the cause of HPD.


I don't know if this has anything to do with what we're talking about, but I know a woman who I know now showed classic symptoms of HPD to the max. I hadn't seen her in about 8 years until a few months ago. She got married and went from curvy vixen to obese and angry. I wonder if something in her subconscious made her put on weight in order to protect her from her disorder.

Fancy term for stuck up, huh?

Hmmm...you're trying too hard, JJ.

You're missing the forest for the trees.

ccumm36D wrote:Fancy term for stuck up, huh?

Hmmm...you're trying too hard, JJ.

You're missing the forest for the trees.

Haha! I'm trying to hard at what?

Whatever. I think you're right.

You're trying to figure out why she is the way she is in terms that you can understand and feel comfortable with.

That's what I mean by trying too hard.

You can't understand a disordered mind. You can only try to accept that.

JohnJames,

You can understand a disordered mind, when you do, you will be set free. No one can be more manipulated than the HPD, my opinion. The more you learn, the easier it becomes.

You can't be normal and have a relationship with one, to painful. Narcs can have a ball, they don't feel empathy for them or self.

One poster last year said her HPD friend was overweight and Gothic in dress. The colored hair to bring attention to herself. She was not pretty. You don't have to score a ten on the Symptoms list.

Hello John:
I think attraction is a deeper rooted thing that you give it credit for here. There is a charisma and well being that radiates from someone attractive that goes far beyond physical appearance. It's a question of well being in the self that attracts others beyond the short term, not physical appearance

The girl i was with (whom suffers from many of the HPD characteristics talked about on this forum) is very physically attractive, but its a facade and underneath it's not very pretty. I believe this is closely related to her inability to make lasting friends, other than those from her childhood (and even some of them have bailed out...). I still come across my X and more often than not, she is alone, or with different people, usually only one at a time (she is rarely in a group, and when she is it is usually in a group of men). For sure when one meets her for the first time one is taken a back by her beauty, her apparent energy and her wonderful smile. Upon first meeting i would describe her as appearing wholesome and a picture of physical and mental health!. But after a relatively short time, she becomes imposing, ambiguous, unreliable and sly, the truth of her "self" comes out making her far less attractive (which is sad because she does have many qualities)!. I believe this to be the same in her relationship with men and or women.

In short lasting, or true attraction is a whole, deep engrained thing that goes beyond the superifical and obvious, and I think it is closely tied to a complete balanced "self". I know a few people like that, their attraction comes from within.

Cheers, Musician924