This is me!

by **findingmyway** » Tue Jan 22, 2008 7:53 pm

There are so many disorders that I read and notice I have most of the syptoms....maybe because lots of personality disorders have many of the same symptoms. However, this discribs me perfectly and I am embarrsed to admit it. through reading the defination of this disorder I have become able to understand more about my behaviour--a lot og which I am constantly trying to fight because it is not who I want to be.
I take full blame for many of my actions that have caused much distress in my life but am unable to take full responsibility to correct my past mistakes as I feel it will have to much of drastic and tramatic uproar in my families life Fiannce and children) as well as my own. I live with so much guilt for the things I have done but have never understood why I do them--just that something is wrong with me.
How do you gain more control over who you want to be and stop self centered behaviour including self destructive behaviour and what do you do with the guilt, anxiety, and depression that you are left with following repeatly hurting yourself and others?

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Education is an invaluable tool. Above all don't be in a big hurry to label yourself!

You will learn that most everyone has a little bit of everything in them.

Much like the tidal motion of the oceans the human psyche is fluid and dynamic. It's never static. It has it's ups and downs, flow and ebb. Somedays you're happy, somedays you're sad... somedays are in between and a little of both.

"Findingmyway" is an appropriate handle given the last question of your post.

The answer is as simple as setting a goal for yourself. Or a series of goals. Not earth shattering find the cure for cancer goals but simple baby step goals... Like, smile more today. Hold the door for others today. Say "please" and "thank you" to people today.

You will be surprised at the very positive results you will experience with simple goals. In time they will come more naturally to you and you can set larger goals...

by **findingmyway** » Mon Jan 28, 2008 7:20 pm

Thanks for the post CC.
I have always known that there was something wrong with my behaviour and Do feel remorse over many of my actions. To the point the guilt feels as though it is eating me alive at times. Not just my guilt towards what I have done to myself but to others and I really do feel terrible. The sick part is many times though I feel this way I have repeated "bad behaviour" because of depressive states even though I know how it will make others feel or how I will feel towards my actions later.
Setting small goals sounds like a great way to start though. Since I can preceive it as plausable.
I feel now though as though even talking about my many "textbook symptoms and behaviours" as just more HPD behaviour. I don't want to be me.

This is me!

This is me!

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