My 13 yo daughter just diagnosed with HPD. Help!!!!

well pointed out, Mr36D. With the comment that Concernedparent made about 'connecting with some more than others' I realised that he had changed his reasons for posting his daughters issues on here. Intially he wanted to find out more about HPD because he's convinced there's something 'wrong' with his daughter, and the child needs 'fixing.'

In the dynamics of families it is very rarely, if ever, only 1 person that needs to be looked at. It's the dynamics and involvement of every member of the family that all plays a role and part in the behaviours of 1 or more. I posted with the intention of having concernedparent look at this actions and what role they play in his daughters current behaviour and how could he change them to bring about positive change in his daughter. But he preferred not to listen to what I was suggesting.

And consequently the reasons for posting started to change as he received information from some that actually centred on the 'problems of his daughter and how to fix them', and he chose to start to ignore the possibility that the whole family dynamics (past and present) is involved in his daughters current behaviour.

It's become clear that concernedparent is here (now) to receive support for him about the years of sacrificing etc., he has done for his foster and biological children and to hear how 'great' he is and how 'bad' his daughter is behaving.

ccumm36D wrote:I don't want to get off on a rant here... but...

But you do 36D. Somewhere along the line I pushed one of your little buttons and you've been an a rant, ever since.

And now, lets take a little closer look at the buttom I seem to have pressed now?
I said:

concernedparent333 wrote:...While we are complete strangers, I can't help but feel a connection with each of the people that reach out to help. Some more than others but it is all good.

And now this HPD forum has turned into the Jerry Springer show and I can see that you are finally in your element.
I mean ...

ccumm36D wrote:Let the flaming begin.

really?

I was saying that I felt some humanity coming at me from this group.

But not 36D. He responds by flinging a chair at me and trying to turn this into a barroom brawl.

You have worn out your usefulness in my life.
I gave you way too much credit and I will leave you with 2 pieces of wisdom/advice.

1) The opposite of love is not hate. It is apathy.
2) You might want to give yourself a colonoscopy while your head is already so far up there.
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shivers wrote: With the comment that Concernedparent made about 'connecting with some more than others' I realised that he had changed his reasons for posting his daughters issues on here. Intially he wanted to find out more about HPD because he's convinced there's something 'wrong' with his daughter, and the child needs 'fixing.'

Man, you people really do have some issues, with any suggestion that someone out there may actually give a care?
I have answered each and every question that you have each asked me. I have done all I can to communicate and glean from your advice.
I made the fatal error of suggesting that somehow people, might still have feelings and might actually care about one another.
Oh my gosh! What is wrong with you people?
I will say again what I said to 36D. The opposite of love is not hate, it is apathy.
Well, I would rather live my life in pain, than to live in the state of numbness that you people apparantly live in.

shivers wrote: I posted with the intention of having concernedparent look at this actions and what role they play in his daughters current behaviour and how could he change them to bring about positive change in his daughter. But he preferred not to listen to what I was suggesting.

Sorry shivers I thought I had addressed everybody, to the best of my ability. I have give my undivided attention to each and every one of your inputs.
Please tell me what you suggested that I "preferred" not to listen to?

shivers wrote: And consequently the reasons for posting started to change as he received information from some that actually centred on the 'problems of his daughter and how to fix them', and he chose to start to ignore the possibility that the whole family dynamics (past and present) is involved in his daughters current behaviour.

Where are you getting this from shivers?
Holy mackeral. Did you all been hitting the crack pipe, since my last visit here?
Why are you all ganging up on me with all of this nonsense.
I have been completely open about all possibilities.

shivers wrote: It's become clear that concernedparent is here (now) to receive support for him about the years of sacrificing etc., he has done for his foster and biological children and to hear how 'great' he is and how 'bad' his daughter is behaving.

Did I say I was great. I know that 36dd implied it when I pushed his first button but you'll not find me saying any such thing.

I apologize for sounding a little short but since this turned into the Jerry Springer show, credit to 36DD for throwing the first chair (or is that the Geraldo Rivera show?) I realize that my time here is through.

So you can all come and munch on the carion of my sad attempt to find help here, now that you've tried my patience out.

I really did try.
But enough is enough.

Dan wrote:CP- If my wife, mother, father, brother, sister, friends had some kind of answer for me about HPD, I would never had found this Forum. I needed insight from an impartial group of people to feel my own beliefs were correct. This is the whole point and why I feel the need to contribute to psychForums. I would like to hear more about your concerns. I would think the collective can help answer your questions. People interested in people, the reason this forum works.

Dan.

What I read here, tuffy, is that you didn't/don't trust your loved ones. Obviously they weren't giving you the supply you needed and so you turned to complete strangers to get answers that conformed to your needs. You completely de-valued those closest to you in favor of strangers on the internet. That is so sad.

concernedparent333 wrote:

ccumm36D wrote:I don't want to get off on a rant here... but...

But you do 36D. Somewhere along the line I pushed one of your little buttons and you've been an a rant, ever since.

And now, lets take a little closer look at the buttom I seem to have pressed now?
I said:

concernedparent333 wrote:...While we are complete strangers, I can't help but feel a connection with each of the people that reach out to help. Some more than others but it is all good.

And now this HPD forum has turned into the Jerry Springer show and I can see that you are finally in your element.
I mean ...

ccumm36D wrote:Let the flaming begin.

really?

I was saying that I felt some humanity coming at me from this group.

But not 36D. He responds by flinging a chair at me and trying to turn this into a barroom brawl.

You have worn out your usefulness in my life.
I gave you way too much credit and I will leave you with 2 pieces of wisdom/advice.

1) The opposite of love is not hate. It is apathy.
2) You might want to give yourself a colonoscopy while your head is already so far up there.
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Like so many others, CP333, please don't make the mistake of thinking that you can push my buttons. You haven't because you can't. Perhaps I've pushed yours... it's only because you let me.

I was being ironical, CP333, of course I was getting off on a rant... just like you did when you got here... hello?

Lynn, is spot on in her assessment of you. You came here ranting and raving. You weren't looking for answers to help your daughter. You're convinced you've done everything correctly and all you can do and you want someone... anyone... to agree with you. You want to feel better about yourself. With that in mind and with what you have posted about your failings as a parent I think you are ill suited to give advice. Perhaps you should try to learn from people who know, like Lynn, before you start giving advice.

Look, you obviously don't understand what a forum is and how it works. Where is the fun if everyone agrees with each other? That's what I mean by "flaming". My opinions are not of the popular variety. I get a lot of it because I ask people to think instead of "warm&fuzzy" reassurance. Besides, how would you know what my "element" is? Do you know me? Do you know anything about me? Anything at all? Nope, you don't.

So, if asking you to be objective is "flinging a chair" then let me offer you a little advice... DUCK!

Please don't take the provocations too personally, Concerned Parent!

I, too value the sharing of experiences among complete strangers. I believe there's a certain candor and transparency on a forum that you might not find anywhere else and have learned ahelluva lot here in a short time.

One important thing, though, is that you REALLY DON'T know who you're talking to .. Just keep an eye on the member registry! Identities come and go and merge and purge. And if total honesty isn't a strong suit of HPDs or NPDs, well, I'd keep that guard up with a virtuals even moreso!

So, yeah, this is great for batting things around, but no substitute for the real world.

And sorry, but I just can't resist this:

The opposite of love is not hate, it is apathy

Actually, some great philosophies have identified the opposite of LOVE as FEAR.
Don't be driven away, Concerned Parent... Dialogue is good!

ccumm36D wrote:What I read here, tuffy, is that you didn't/don't trust your loved ones. Obviously they weren't giving you the supply you needed and so you turned to complete strangers to get answers that conformed to your needs. You completely de-valued those closest to you in favor of strangers on the internet. That is so sad.

I can tell a bully when I see one and this is classic bullying. People come here for help and you belittle them.

ccumm36D wrote:Lynn, is spot on in her assessment of you. You came here ranting and raving. You weren't looking for answers to help your daughter. You're convinced you've done everything correctly and all you can do and you want someone... anyone... to agree with you. You want to feel better about yourself. With that in mind and with what you have posted about your failings as a parent I think you are ill suited to give advice. Perhaps you should try to learn from people who know, like Lynn, before you start giving advice.

Lynn's assessment is wrong. I assume that Lynn==shivers??
I told you all everything there was to tell about my family in great detail. And then shivers accused me of not considering the whole family dynamic. That is what I was trying to do but you then accuse me of being a loser by revealing my details to complete strangers. I see this now for what it is. This is all a stupid cruel game that you ridiculous people are playing and I'm out. You people really do suck.

ccumm36D wrote:Look, you obviously don't understand what a forum is and how it works.

I understand how forums are "supposed to work" I just didn't know how "this" forum worked.
But I do now...
You take other people's problems, let them share. All the while thinking that you might be able to help, or even want to. Get plenty of ammunition and then begin to beat them over the head with your own ridiculous redneck brand of psycho-babble. It is a cruel game and you will get yours in the end. (sounds like 36D has gotten it in his end a few times, based on the buttons that set him/her/it off).

ccumm36D wrote:Where is the fun if everyone agrees with each other?

And once again, our genius friend 36D tips his hand and reveals the real reason why he/she/it lives vicariously through the lives of the hurting people of the world. It's all just one big game to him!

ccumm36D wrote:My opinions are not of the popular variety.

No, you're giving yourself too much credit here.
You're just s stupid redneck sniper and people find you annoying.

ccumm36D wrote:So, if asking you to be objective is "flinging a chair" then let me offer you a little advice... DUCK!

You don't even need anyone to fight with. You make yourself look stupid, all by yourself.

Well, I really did come to this "forum" under the pretense that I might find some help but now that I realize that it is all just a game, I will be bidding you all farewell, once and for all.
Aren't there some ants on a sidewalk you could be torturing with a magnifying glass or something.

36D - I will type this really slow and try and break it down for you, so that your little brain can understand it. If you hold a magnifying glass under the sun, it gets hot. When little boys don't have other little boys to pick on, sometimes they torture insects.
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mindful wrote:And sorry, but I just can't resist this:

The opposite of love is not hate, it is apathy

Actually, some great philosophies have identified the opposite of LOVE as FEAR.
Don't be driven away, Concerned Parent... Dialogue is good!

The apathy is born of fear.
And I don't need any great philosophers to tell me what I have figured out all by myself.

Thanks for asking me to stay and and be kicked around more but my problems are real and I don't appreciate them being other's entertainment.

Well, CP333, you've thrown your temper tantrum... do you feel better? I'm sure all that vile crap had to feel good for you. I do what I can.

As for my response to tuffy, well, you've gotten in late. Actually you and he have a lot in common!

Looking back over the thread, I still think Lynn was more insightful than you're comfortable with... might explain your defensive tone and aggressive posture. You have quite a mean streak yourself. Kinda harsh. But wait... oh that's right... you're justified! LOL

Anyways, don't sweat it. We were all there once. Believe it or not it's all part of the learning experience. Once you learn that not everyone on the planet has to agree with you to have a place here things get easier and the learning continues.

What did you honestly expect to find on the internet? A pancea? Did you think you could look up a forum or two and magically find the holy grail answer that would make it all go away so you could live happily ever after?

Doesn't exist. I would have found it by now if it did.

saddest thread ever.

It is sad that your search for support and input here hasn't yielded something more helpful. It's so complex, the family dynamic (and yours sounds like it's been more particular than many!), and perhaps even moreso the adolescent mind.

I have two teenagers myself and know very well how unpredictible their behavior can be. I also know how much you love your daughter and want to do all you can to protect her. And scrutinizing ourselves and our own family dynamics is difficult.

Your problems are serious, and you're right to take them extremely seriously. Which is why professional therapy, for the whole family, is clearly imperative.

My suggestion about LOVE being opposite of FEAR wasn't meant to contradict you. But only as a reminder that FEAR, often breeds anxiety, constriction, control. Sometimes I feel FEAR for what my children are experiencing and might become. LOVE - opening, listening, really listening, has a particular power.

Best of luck to you and your family.