Help

I hope someone has advice for me.

I met my Hpd 4 years ago we spent a few months living together.
Probably for the simple reason I had never met anyone close to this person before I put down the whole experience down to
me simply not being as open minded or perhaps strong a person
as her. It was a wild time a lot of highs and lows. I took about two years to get her out of my system after the break up. (as sad as that sounds)

We moved to different countries but stayed in contact via e-mail
for the past four years on and off (nothing to intimate at all).
I thought after to coming together again recently this was romantic maybe we were soul mates. But after coming here I know it is simply their way never to cut ties fully with exs.

Six months ago I was at a low point in my life and I asked her
how she felt about me. She told me she had still strong feelings and we began to mail each other a lot and get close. We went on holiday together and she decided she would like to move to my country 15,000 miles away!! YES I thought this is it. But probably
like many of you never felt comfortable with this girl. I put this down
to her beauty but it is not. She simply keeps me on edge 24/7 after
exchanging phone calls after the holiday and emails there would be
weeks when she would call 2 times a day then all of sudden I would get no reply for 2 weeks solid this has happened a lot over the months. Of course I would get very anxious and pushy and then she would reply saying that I am impatient. One week she would tell me she loved me and the next she was unsure about me.

A few weeks ago she said she had secured a job in my country
but get this it is 300 miles away!! I told her she is coming 15,000
miles to live 300 miles away !! I lost my temper with her and said if she worked in a different city what would be the point ? She again put this down to my selfishness and impatience. She wants to expeience travel.(why this country?) She arrives here in 4 months I have not heard from her in 2 weeks again despite e-mails and txt messages. I can not work or sleep. I know all it will take is one reply and I will be hooked again.

Her behaviour.

She is 32 divorced (married at 20)

Parents slit up living apart she left home at 14.

Is half polynesian very beautiful.

She has tried to make a move on two women in the very short time I have know her and tried to get me involved. Recently on our holiday by inviting a nice girl we met back to our hotel room.

She has told me endless stories about her ex boyfriends and showed me photos of them and told me what type of men they were how they were as lovers.

When we met on holidays (on a tropical island) which i paid for.
she seemed distant aloof and in a bad mood for most of the time apart from the sex which was excelllent. I put this down to us not being a match. But one evening out of the blue she proposed we get married. Which she repeated just six weeks ago.

One day on holiday her eye was caught by some teenage boys playing and messing in the outdoor pool. All of a sudden she wanted to go and get changed and go for a swim by the time we went to our room to get our stuff it started to REALLY pour (monsoon rain) but still insisted she wantedto go for a swim!!
of course by the time we went down there was no one there but us
: )

In the evening one day I walked into our bathroom she was naked
and showering with th window open so anyone walking past could see. I had to wrestle with her to shut the window.

I could go on. But if you met this girl you would think she is charming and perfectly normal. She holds down a very good job
which has a very high level of responsibility.

I have not heard from her for almost two weeks I am in big trouble with this girl as I do love her but know from being here that she is probably incapable of love. Is probably with someone now. Will pick
me up and play with me again if she feels like it.

I do not know who made thedescription but it is like pouring your
emotions down a drain with this girl. I she did this to me me four years ago and yet again. I feel gutted.

Maybe I am dumped

She has got me good.

Help !

lost,

the whole thing doesn´t sound good. You ARE already being hooked again, you are trying to figure her and her moves out. If she is really HPD there is nothing to understand or to figure out, it´s a kind of a cat and mouse game with you being the mouse or a one-woman-show with you loving the hollow and superficial actress.

I put down the whole experience down to me simply not being as open minded or perhaps strong a person as her.

I had the same feelings with my HPD, and in a perverted sense they reflect reality with HPDs: YOU can´t be so "open minded " and "strong", because YOU have boundaries. They have boundary issues if any boundaries at all, and that looks like them being open minded and strong. IMO their "strength" is just their lack of empathy and "capacity" for antisocial behaviour.

I thought after to coming together again recently this was romantic maybe we were soul mates.

I had the same thoughts.

But probably like many of you never felt comfortable with this girl.

Of course not, you instinctively knew something is not right.

A few weeks ago she said she had secured a job in my country but get this it is 300 miles away!! / She holds down a very good job which has a very high level of responsibility.

Do you really think she will give up her good job to be with you? I would doubt it.

Lost, so hard this is, you know the answer to your most important question already: "She is not good for me, my feelings, my life. I must and will stop contact NOW by sending a polite txt msg saying "Goodbye. I can´t see you or talk to you again." Cold turkey. Period.

ewriter wrote:

Lost, so hard this is, you know the answer to your most important question already: "She is not good for me, my feelings, my life. I must and will stop contact NOW by sending a polite txt msg saying "Goodbye. I can´t see you or talk to you again." Cold turkey. Period.

Lost,

ewriter has summed it up.

If you really want to be sure, ask her to do something that is important for YOU, at an inconvenient time. Preferably something that she does not like doing.

We all get confused by the mixed messages. She wants to marry you, but she is grumpy when you take her on a trip and pay for everything.

You are like a butler, standing by her side, awaiting her order or request. Just because she smiles at you, it does not mean that you mean anything to her except being convenient at the time.

Is she a snake by the way? (chinese horoscope) Look it up!

Thank you again for all your support this forum is very helpful.
I think many of us feel the same way after going through this.

I sent her a text message last night it showed not delivered
then sent it again - then they both went through!!

Desperation indeed.


Suprise no reply. Had a bad night. Feeling better this morning all I can do now is try and move on but it will be hard as I know all it will take is one reply and I am on the hook again .... around we go.

lost22 wrote:as I know all it will take is one reply and I am on the hook again .... around we go.

If that is the case, you should not have sent the message. Me thinks you're gonna be too tempted to NOT reply to her reply....and on the saga continues.

Busy your mind with other stuff, eventually she'll fade if you work hard at it.

[quote="lost22"]
Suprise no reply. Had a bad night. Feeling better this morning ........quote]

She'll reply, she's playing her game with you "lost"

I know how you feel, hang in there and stop responding to her calls, and messages, at least first four to five months, until you get stronger, until you will be able to see she is not what you think right now she is, she is not for you, you deserve better. Re-read Jo's post, she put it so wirght

Good luck