walking_on_the_glass wrote:Once in a while she said I'm not good in long distance relationship and I am not sure if I can be in any serious relationship but I want to try hard, I have to help people, they need me, I was brought up to be nice to everybody, and I want everybody to like me and love me. It's like listening to15 y.o. teenager how she wants to live the life. Talking to her recently on the phone she finally admitted only she has boundary issues. I guess she somehow sensed there is something not right with her but she hardly openly admitted that she is doing anything wrong, that she is hurting people the way she is acting and treating them. She could not understand that she cannot show same feelings for the stranger that she does for me, she could not understand that by doing that she was hurting my feelings, but her response was ..”but the guy will be hurt if…” .
When you are in love, you are blind and live in denial; you see wrongdoing of your partner but you do not want to admit that she/he means it that way she/he does it. You rather create illusions and hang up on them than admitting she/he is not right for me. You try to change you partner no matter what and at the end you find yourself trapped in “Catch22”, beaten up, disappointed and devastated.
PS Not edited for spelling
Thank you for the post. No one on here seems to think she is HPD, but I do believe something is wrong with her even if not HPD, which I may have to agree it does not sound like she is. Some suggested NPD but I don't know, I can't seem to find a PD that matches her all that well...Kane said she is just a dysfuncitonal person.
I must say though, reading your story and those of SOME others here, (not most, because most of theirs are very bad, immoral and violent) there are a lot of similaritities to mine. She always said that she didn't want to hurt their feelings by telling them she has a bf. Saying yes were dating hes my friend instead of hes my bf when they ask about us. These where the ugliest of guys, even one of them had been her friend for 5 years and I know she would never go for him but still I think she liked the attention because she would do the same even with complete strangers. I think she is deluding herself if she really believes that. It is about attention IMO because she is insecure, she was fat in HS and did a lot to make herself slim and pretty as an adult. That and the fact that she doesn't want to have sex until married makes a lot of guys run from her, so she feels as though she is worthless and has nothing else to offer but her body.
She also told me I don't want her on our first date. She kept telling me that. Now I know why. She also told me she is not good at relationships and that she has trouble keeping them beause she doesn't have her life together and she likes to be single and free. Strange thing is she ends the relationships with other guys, except for me, I always dump her and she refuses to let go.
She told me she has had these problems in past relationships although none of her bf's ever knew about them or said anything to her.
She may not have ever cheated on anyone physically, but emotionaly she did. And she was never in a real rel until me. All her other ones where 1-2 months long before she would dump them. We been together for a year.
It is weird because no one here thinks she is HPD, even tests we took online together show her as 58% likelyhood of being HPD. There are a lot of similarities though when I read peoples stories.
She is almost childlike, rapidly changing moods, very fickle, forgetful, has a bad memory, talks constantly and is inconsiderate, leads guys on thinking she is just being friendly and not hurting their feelings. She does have morals obviously, but something aint right about her I just don't know what it is.
She has an eating disorder and issues with her sexuality. Having been date raped when 19 which I think was a result of her leading the guy on, the story sounds sketchy to me and seeing how she was with me on our first date and how she leads guys on, I wouldn't doubt it. Something ain't right I just know it...
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