ok, so answer this for me.

Why does an HPD stay with someone,what are they attracted to?

My x has been with the same guy for 4 yrs off and on. We have had 2 three month spurts in the last 2 yrs. and both times she went back to this guy. She had approached me a couple times years before we actually got together, but she was married to an aquaintance of mine, so I turned her down. I will be with her again if she decides to leave the present boyfriend again, unless at that present time I am emotionally with someone else. I love being with her,she is just alot of fun. We both make each other laugh uncontrolably, but I know that I could never have a long term relationship with her(it scares the crap out of me!) We actually talk alot about her past and what her past has to do with the way she is today. She understands she has issues,but it always seems like such a journey to repair what is damaged that she just gets frustrated. I think she trusts me and knows I really do care and want to help her. I need to prove to her that the man she keeps going back to is not healthy for her(trust me it's not cause I want her back,she's not healthy for me). He is consistantly rubbing her mental issues in her face,telling her to up her meds and all kinds of nasty things(the guy is just a scumbag). SO PLEASE TELL ME WHAT IT IS HPD's ARE ATTRACTED TO,THAT KEEPS HER GOING BACK TO THIS SCUM OF THE EARTH! It would give me great pleasure too know I helped her in any way to move forward in her life and let go of some of the difficult things that happened to her in her childhood and this so called man that keeps her from bettering herself.

Just so everyone is clear about my feelings for her. I am surely in love with her but I am also very aware that a commited life with her is not in the picture. I am very sexually attracted to her(the sex is unbelievable and I do miss it) but I am looking at the bigger picture and that is she is a very miserable person inside. I know some of you don't believe there is hope for a woman with HPD,but I do and helping her is what I want to do if I can. If I can't,I will walk away happy that I made an honest effort.

I will say it one more time "PLEASE TELL ME WHAT IT IS HPD's ARE ATTRACTED TO,THAT KEEPS HER GOING BACK TO THIS SCUM OF THE EARTH!"

Nate

The question...

wise25663 wrote:Why does "my" HPD stay with someone,what "is she" attracted to?

The answer...

wise25663 wrote: "SCUM OF THE EARTH!"

You asked and answered your own question...you already knew the answer...so...

wise25663 wrote:I will walk away happy that I made an honest effort.

Start walkin', dude.

I recall a thread on here a few months back ( I can`t remember the title ) in which a poster ( I can`t remember who), said that they`d played the role of knight in shining armour wanting to save their HPD from the bad fuddermuckers. It was only later that they dawned on the fact that they could`nt save her. She was one of the bad fuddermuckers. It sounds like you`re playing out that same role.

If we could stick to the one question that I did ask, it would be well appreciated. I'm a stubborn **ick and the only way I will turn around now is if I end up with my face in the dirt. No offense to anyone, but if I wanted to know if I should run or not, I would have asked that question. Nobody here can tell me in the history of life it's never been accomplished. Unless you can, please stick to the question.

Thank you,
Nate

perhaps the answer you`re looking for lays in the stickies where it talks about playing the game. You`re in love with her and perhaps therefore devalued as a result and relegated to the back burner. She knows she can make you dance to her tune as and when she wishes. The more effort you make for her the less effort she`ll make in return.

Scumbag however remains unconquered and therefore demands more effort on her part to get the validation she`s looking for. She wants him to care about her but he does`nt so she keeps trying to please him. If ever she does get him to fall in love with her then he too will be devalued and relegated to being a secondary source of attention and she`ll move on to the next conquest.

Perhaps the guy is NPD. Apparently NPDs drive HPDs crazy because they cannot be won over.

Whatever the correct answer is, I hope you find it for your own mental health and well being.

Nate,

You've made a couple of wrong assumptions on your part. You say she's a miserable person inside. You can't come to that conclusion, you aren't inside of her and there's no way you can emphatically say you are correct in your observations. The thing is, she's NOT miserable inside. She's just fine and dandy (from her perspective).

Secondly, although you can see from YOUR perspective what you think is a better life for her, you are incorrect in forcing YOUR image of HER life onto her. It's her choice to live the life she wishes to lead.

There is no REAL answer to your question. Why some people stay with some people is their own individual choices. Even parents fail at getting their children to stop seeing the friends (girl or boy or otherwise) they think are unsuitable. The answer to your question is as diverse as people are individual.

You could *suppose* that if your X is HPD, they are hard-wired for failure in the relationship department, so even if you can persuade her to cut this guy loose, what is there to guarantee she'll team up with a good one for the long haul. Odds are is that she won't.

Your time is best spent analysing why you feel such a need to interfere with her life and why you need to feel like the knight to save her from her own destiny.

Good luck.

shivers wrote:Nate,

You've made a couple of wrong assumptions on your part.

It is possible he also made an incorrect assumption in his belief of his ex as pathologically histrionic.

You say she's a miserable person inside. You can't come to that conclusion, you aren't inside of her and there's no way you can emphatically say you are correct in your observations. The thing is, she's NOT miserable inside. She's just fine and dandy (from her perspective).

People can come to a wide variety of conclusions and rarely are they as absolute as they appear. Psychological states of convincement span across a wide spectrum of severity.

As for your latter conclusion, I think we both know emotional unsatisfaction is independent of one's self-perspective here.

Secondly, although you can see from YOUR perspective what you think is a better life for her, you are incorrect in forcing YOUR image of HER life onto her. It's her choice to live the life she wishes to lead.

There is no REAL answer to your question. Why some people stay with some people is their own individual choices. Even parents fail at getting their children to stop seeing the friends (girl or boy or otherwise) they think are unsuitable. The answer to your question is as diverse as people are individual.

Amusingly accurate.

You could *suppose* that if your X is HPD, they are hard-wired for failure in the relationship department, so even if you can persuade her to cut this guy loose, what is there to guarantee she'll team up with a good one for the long haul. Odds are is that she won't.

If anything, there is not only a definite lack of guarantee but an existence of one. If you postulate she is hardwired for failure then surely one can predict in this context what she will do - act in conciliation with her emotional repetoire and repeat these self-defeating actions forever or until she is forced into the Hell of introspection.

Your time is best spent analysing why you feel such a need to interfere with her life and why you need to feel like the knight to save her from her own destiny.

Good luck.

Perfect advice. (Excluding the luck and including the pedantry.)

Glad you were amused Kane, on some level. From my understanding this is rare for you.

I'm glad you know what love is from a couple of sentences! I didn't ask you if I loved her or not, I know what love is and I know I love her. Why don't you give me your brilliant observation of the feelings I hold for her.

wise25663 wrote:

Why does an HPD stay with someone,what are they attracted to?

Just be the dickhead you have been to this forum. She will chose you over the other guy. (trust me )