recently diagnosed HPD

This text is about BPD but can be applied to everyone.

Dealing with Mutual Friends

In the Context of a Separation If you are separated from someone with traits of BPD, you will undoubtedly have to deal with the distortion campaign that your BPSO will attempt through your mutual friends. At the end of the divorce, it is unlikely that many mutual friends will remain friends with both of you. Most people want to stay out of the dynamic, and will pick a side and stick with that side. Sometimes friends that you had prior to the separation will end up being friends of your significant other, and vice versa. This is all natural in the ebb and flow of friendships through your lifetime.

Separating from a BP is not a contest to prove who is right by who can maintain the majority of your mutual friends.

As you deal with the distortions of your BPSO through your friends, it is REALLY tempting to want to ’prove’ to the other that what is being said is untrue. This is an ineffective strategy. People will pull back, will be confused and may end up believing some of what is being said against you. By stating your reality, then a boundary, you can move on and discuss things that will ultimately be more beneficial to you. It will also allow you to maintain relationships based in YOUR reality, not connected to the person with the situation.

By simply stating it, and then not discussing it further, you give credence to your own stability. Just like the person who is always saying ’trust me, I’m honest’ when they’re picking your pocket, the more you discuss the details the more you may come off sounding like you are the ’crazy one’.

Simply stating your reality and moving on will help you learn to set healthy boundaries, keep your own reality and stay firmly in Kansas with no side trips to Oz.

If someone comes along and says: "Your spouse told me x,y,z," it is best to respond by stating the above.."that mentally ill people have a hard time perceiving things as they really are" and that you choose not to discuss it any further. Or you can state: "we each have our own perceptions of what’s happening. I’d rather not discuss it. Thanks for understanding."

That´s very interesting.

Mike The Man................

On page 2 of this thread you gave the best explanation of Cluster B's I've ever heard...............


Thank You !


WN