I am pretty certain I have HPD...

Hey! I'm 21, female, and I have had thoughts that I may have HPD throughout my adult life. I don't know if I'm looking at my personality traits in completely the wrong way but I'm going to briefly run through my reasoning as to why I think I do.

When I was 13-15 I was sexually abused more than once and since then my intimate relationships have always been very strange.

I am very manipulative to get people to like me in the sense that I will pretend to be a completely different person, depending on who I am around. I feel as though when I start 'dating' anyone, I obsess over them very quickly. I find out things about the entirety of their life through stalking them pretty much so I know what to talk about. I'll make people admit their darkest sexual fantasies so I have 'evidence' to use against them almost, just in case they decide to screw me over in some way. When I date anyone I get attached really quickly and start accepting behaviour I usually wouldn't from someone. When I feel anyone slipping away I use sex and my appearance to hopefully bring them back to me, as I don't want them to let go. The worst thing in the world to me is when I am rejected, it makes me honestly so depressed I become relatively suicidal for a period of time.

On top of this I feel like I am always putting myself in a risky situation. Going to secluded places with men that are much older than me and trusting they won't do anything. I've noticed after my last serious break up that my sexual behaviour is getting more and more risky.

This is all strange because deep down inside, no matter how much I manipulate people, I want them to be so obsessed with me that they end up being controlling of me. I want someone to be dependant on.

I started seeing a psychologist not too long ago, who says I exhibit symptoms of a 'personality disorder' but he doesn't think I have one. I don't know if I should bring this up with him because either have been this way since I can remember, and I honestly do believe that it is HPD - as no matter what's happening with my life, relationships end up being the most important part of it.

Hey fushkel,

Perhaps, but for some professionals they consciously or unconsciously believe that what separates a true personality disorder from traits of is a lack of awareness, introspection. It's a bit of a strange belief though, because if someone becomes aware, that doesn't mean that their personality changes over night. Still, it sort of makes sense.

That written, at your age some professionals are understandably reluctant to jump to a conclusion of personality disorder.

fushkel wrote:I started seeing a psychologist not too long ago, who says I exhibit symptoms of a 'personality disorder' but he doesn't think I have one. I don't know if I should bring this up with him because either have been this way since I can remember, and I honestly do believe that it is HPD - as no matter what's happening with my life, relationships end up being the most important part of it.

Curious why you are reluctant to bring this up? That's what he is there for, to help you explore what is going on with you.