by MrFreeze » Wed Jun 13, 2018 12:47 pm
Exactly so. After reading up on it, a lot of memories went from question marks to exclamation marks. For example;
- Her best friends' father died, and her best friend didn't understand what she wasn't there in support. The friend sent her a letter, pouring her feelings out. My ex sent a letter back, as if responding to a complaint, with complaints of her own.
- Her son was unbelievably entitled. Even whilst visiting a friends' house, he would raid their cupboards, help himself to the DVD player, and order the hosts to bring him food/drink. She was no different on that front either.
- She herself was incredibly entitled. Should her friends choose to hang out with other friends, she would treat them with distain, proclaiming that her friends should know how she feels about that.
- She never really closed doors on her former ex's, which I found confusing. She would often tell me about the messages she was still getting from them, and never gave me a definitive answer as to why she hadn't blocked them, if they were a bother.
- Following on from the above, she's found someone new on Tinder, and hasn't completely cut me off either, but is purposely cold.
- She would be fiercly jealous if her son wanted to spend time with me, and would wedge herself between us so he would be giving her the attention instead. Note this wasn't a trait of a mother protecting her son from a stranger, it literally was "I feel like my boy likes him more than me. I can't have that."
- You are right about zero loyalty. I picked up early on how she is highly critical of all those who obviously cared for her.
- She adamantly and consistently fought any indication of fault on her part with baseless deflection and blame.
- It was interesting you used the word "skewed" as her closest friends' described her with the same word.
- Finally, and perhaps most crucially, her historical recollections with men often were inconsistent. During the relationship I thought I had no reason to distrust her, but on reflection now, I actually think I've been played for the fool.
So yes in reality, I probably have dodged a bullet, as she had been putting heavy pressure on me to leave my children and emigrate to her country and be with her. My gut suspected that it was only a matter of time before I was discarded, and it kept me at arms length before I eventually backed away altogether. However, as I'm sure you understand, knowing the facts doesn't lessen the impact of the trauma-bond I believe I've been going through, and I'm awaiting counselling later today. I also know that she isn't the first Narcissist I'd dated, she would be number 4, which questions my belief in me trusting my own judgement.