What were your Non boyfriends/girlfriends like?

I have a question for people with HPD: what were your significant others like? Especially the non's. Did they ever yell, get frustrated? Were you ever the rational one, trying to calm them down? Did they ever hurt you, and if so, how?

My HPD ex's boy friends, by and large. had domineering fathers (including me). If that helps at all.

To be more specific, most of her ex's were controlling.

Hey krp34,

Not sure you will find a clear answer. Reason is the nature of this disorder.

If you read through the many years of posts here, a pattern emerges. People with this disorder (not all, but some or many), tend to compartmentalize themselves, and the partners they choose.

So think in terms of something like 'at the moment I am seeking someone who leaves me feeling safe and secure', and then they become what is needed to attract that type, maybe even an extreme example of that type, but then once that want is fulfilled? Some entirely different compartmentalized role bubbles up. For example, now I am attracted to someone that has NPD or AsPD traits, so I will become what is necessary to attract that type. Then that doesn't work out for long, so back to the safe/secure type, or perhaps both types can be juggled for a while.

There are lots of other ways to write this, such as I want someone who is domineering, takes control, and carries the stress of making decisions, and then... now I want someone to be a subordinate.

Again, just the nature of the disorder. People with HPD have a way of morphing themselves into what others want, for attention/approval, at the expense of not developing a good sense of an innate personality of their own.

My boyfriend doesn't have a personality disorder by he has the obsessive compulsive personality type which is acknowledged in research as a attraction between the two.

I believe he would have left me after a couple of weeks had i not been so hardcore focused on getting better.

Things he has noted that he gets annoyed about:

-changing the subject or responding with 'oh ok' (changing. very difficult when he talks about computers and programming like i am supposed to know what those things are...)

-talking at him- this comes from the preplanned conversations in the head (changed a lot but still sometimes)

-not taking criticism well (changing)

-being super messy (changed)

-wanting sex all the time (changed)

-trying to sit on him or get infront of him when he is on the computer or watching tv (still do)

In 8 months i've only lost it once. That is when he told me there was no such thing as an ego and that he wanted proof. I was still learning how to validate myself at the time and i ######6 lost it. I ran outside the house with my therapy penguin, went a bought a hip flask of vodka, threatened to kill myself, tried to fight him for a sharpner blade in the bathroom, said some $#%^ about the bottle shop guy to him and called the mental health team to tell them i was going to kill myself because my boyfriend told me there wasn't an ego. Yeah it was the usual hysterical. It lasted an hour. Boyfriend was pretty casual and chilled the whole way through. I smoked some weed then calmed down. I meditated and worked out it was because i was feeling invalidated. I apologised to boyfriend. We laughed about it and i started doing more research into how to validate myself.

When we fight we have to say to each other 'what do you mean by that' and 'what are you thinking in your head when you say that' and 'what are you feeling' because when i am stressed out but also him too, it is like we are speaking another language to each other. So now we interpret and explain.

Other than that we don't have any major problems. I am 100% open with him. I am only 100% open with him and my therapist. Otherwise i am 95% honest with most other people. It was a promise i made to him when we got together and i am going to stick to it