Does it sound like my son has HPD or something else?

For the past few years, I've struggled to understand what type of mental disorder my 34 year-old son has. I thought he had BPD, but now I'm wondering if he has NPD or HPD. He seems to have facets of more than one. Please tell me what you think. It may give me greater insight into his psyche. I'm at a loss about how to deal with him or help him.

1. He's in and out of love. He gets overly serious right away--kind of stalkerish--and this scares his dates off. Then, he's left in a horrible depressive state for months--not caring about anyone or anything else.

2. He's self-absorbed. Everything is always about him. When he was living at home, he wouldn't pay rent and so his father and I kicked him out.

3. He's financially irresponsible. He has been on his own for three years, and, though he has a well-paying job, he wracked up a $100,000 CC debt. He told me last night that he has no choice but to file for bankruptcy.

4. He's verbally abusive. He seems competitive and says cruel things sometimes--he used to do this with his father, but switched his focus to me a few years ago. For example: recently, he told me how unattractive I am, which was very hurtful.

5. He can't take criticism. And he won't listen to any advice during those critical times when his world is upside down. When I try to help him, he becomes vicious.

6. He has a lack of empathy. He told me last night that had he been raised differently, he would likely have become a criminal. He said that he could easily have become part of a gang and gone out and killed people as he has no empathy. An hour later, he told me how much he loves people and would do anything for anyone--and, indeed, I've seen him give his last buck to someone in need. It's like his brain function goes to opposite poles in a flash and is capable of both empathy and a lack of it.

7. His behavior is often risky. He'll have unprotected sex with numerous partners. He's always on some starvation diet and never gets enough sleep.

8. Sometimes he has a poor concept of right and wrong as if that switch in his brain won't snap into place. For instance: he had sex with his best friend's wife and had no remorse. He didn't care that he'd destroyed his friend's world. He never really did understand the gravity of what he'd done.

On the plus side, he has no criminal history, and, to my knowledge, has never physically hurt anyone or anything.

Thanks.

Hi bettybb,

Sorry, but we aren't professionals, and aren't qualified to diagnose here; best you'll get is some guesses.

So just a personal guess:

What you wrote didn't really strike me as meeting the HPD criteria, but again you'd need to seek a professional for a diagnosis. HPD is a coping mechanism, much of which revolves around seeking attention to feel better about self, and related behaviors/beliefs to achieve that goal.

What did stand out for me in your post was -

Impulsive behavior
Lack of empathy
Self-centered thinking
Inability/Unwilling to integrate criticism; maybe overly sensitive to criticism

These traits might be cluster B personality disorder related, including another possibility, he might meet the criteria for anti-social personality disorder (not all people diagnosed with AsPD commit 'crimes', but they may skirt the common social norms/rules up to that point). Some people think of NPD and AsPD as related, where AsPD is a more extreme version of NPD.

All that written, the diagnosis only matters so much. Definitely sounds like he could use some help. Any chance he'd be willing to at least speak with a professional?

Xdude,

Thanks for your comment. I appreciate it. I know people here can't diagnose, but it's hard for me to be objective on this matter and so it helps to see what others who are familiar with mental illnesses think.

I forgot to mention that he's also very controlling and sometimes manipulative. He seems to have a lack of understanding about the issues that other face.

I agree that he needs help. A couple of years ago, he claimed that he saw a professional, but, unfortunately, he wouldn't tell me much about it. So I don't know what the diagnosis was. He was on medication for awhile but I believe he quit taking it. I'm very worried about his future. Since, he's an adult, there's not much I can do.

Thanks again!