No Drama Qeens Allowed

I am feeling pretty sad today, and in recent weeks, and particularly as I have started to engage on these forums it has become quite evident that no one has an appreciation for the dramatic persona. That part of myself I see as part of my HPD traits... attention seeking and flamboyant, artsy and creative. I like that part of me even as there are other parts that I don't. But clearly others don't. There is a pervasive attitude that being a drama queen is bad, that we are immature and worthy of scorn. I have always loved my theatrical and emotional persona. But then I live in and associate with other dramatic persona's like myself. Consequently, my circle of friends are actors, dancers, singers, artists.... and in that world I don't stand out as different. I will admit however that I am infinitely more sexual or give off a sexual aura more than most. But I have to ask the question, so what? I realize that where I live is white and uptight to a certain degree, and that open and blatant sexuality is very uncomfortable for people, so my giving it off triggers them. Well it seems like I trigger lots of people, in the real world and here. I am NOT immature, I am theatrical, I am NOT a slut, I am comfortable and open about my sexuality. I am NOT a drama queen, I am an artist who is emotional and expresses herself and is not afraid to do so. My vulnerability is NOT a weakness, it is a strength. It takes courage to face the world so open and raw and authentic... Anyways, I just wanted to share that here as it has been weighing on my mind, that my dramatic persona is bad and it is ok to ridicule me because of it. It isn't bad and it is NOT ok.... and I like that part of me, always will.

Has anyone else had similar experience? How do you handle it? Do you try to change? Just curious.

Hey Biggirlscry,

First, not everyone is going to like us, and that's okay.

I think there are a few factors as to why you're going to experience some negativity including (no particular order) -

Many people enjoy a dramatic personality, but the degree and length of time they enjoy it varies. I think that's valid, because everyone has their own thoughts, lives, issues, etc., and so at some point it's reasonable they want to turn their attention inward vs outward.

When it comes to sexual expression, that definitely can trigger some deeply primal responses. Sometimes positive, but understandably negative for some too. By the way, not just males, but females too. There was quite an interesting show on the OWN network (darn I can't recall the name off hand - wait I can, see p.s. below) that focused on 40+ females. Their key point was that many of them felt their mindset had changed over time. Key reason, as they grew older (aging ya know), the attention they received for their appearance and sexuality in their youth became slowly upstaged by younger women. What was once a boon increasingly became a ?threat?, or at least not the ego booster it once was.

More generally, people mostly react to perceived ego boosts and perceived ego threats. We can take sexuality out of the picture and use a different example. So there is this guy on youtube whose videos are about showing off his very exotic (and very expensive) cars. Plenty of likes, and subscribers, but of course, there is plenty of 'douche' comments too. The more general analogy is if someone is very wealthy (or just generally has more of anything), and expressive about what they have in abundance that others do not, some will enjoy, but some will perceive this as an ego threat.

Anyway I think it's fine that you enjoy who you are, but of course the more you put yourself out there, the more you are open to criticism as well. It's only problematic if you are more troubled by those who are critical, than the enjoyment you get out of those who enjoy in you as-is. It gets into PD territory when the goal is to control to what everyone else thinks/feels; when instead of seeking out good matches for your personality, if you are seeking out mismatches. What do I mean by that?

I think it's also PD territory if you enjoy your personality, but around others with the same personality, you feel uncomfortable (e.g., feel they are an ego threat competing to be seen/heard behaving in the same way) so seek out partners who are reserved, the opposite, etc.

--

p.s. The name of the documentary - http://www.oprah.com/pressroom/own-acqu ... -film-club

Quite interesting to hear what successful women had to say about sexual expression from the point of view of now being older.

@OP I enjoy your dramatic style personally. It adds some color and levity to what can otherwise be a very serious and grey forum. You also show intelligence and substance as well.

Not everyone likes everyone and there is no need to be liked by everyone. HPD is characterized by a strong need for approval though.

There is a myriad of reasons someone may choose not to like another. When I am feeling rejected I try to rationalize what happened rather and that helps.

Some examples:
They felt rejected by you first.
You remind them of someone who hurt them.
They are in competition with you.
You are a rival.
They disagree with you.
Etc.

Its more often about them and not about you.

@ElephantEyes thank you for the kind and supportive words. You are very right about the strong desire to be liked, that seems to have always been a part of my insecurities. I am getting better though and part of that is happening as I embrace who I am in all my drama and flaws.... it is not easy but getting better.....

I think I also need to ask those questions... and yes realize that it just may be there issues not mine, thanks for pointing that out.

Its my pleasure Biggirlscry and I apologize for the upcoming poetic imagery in case it offends anyone.

But imagine a rose garden of beloved well tended roses. The HPD rose is kept in an enclosed walled garden where it is watered fertilized and lovingly cared for. It is so beautiful it attracts admirerers that want to care for it and spoil it so it is the most beautiful and biggest rose in its own walled garden protected from bugs drought and elements.

The antisocial rose is growing wild in a field somewhere without enough water and no protection from elements. All it has is its thorns and pricks anyone that tries to touch it. So it grows scrawny malnourished and not 10% as beautiful as the walled rose. It will never ever admit its envious of the lush well fed and cared for walled rose because the prickliness of the AsPD rose guarantees it always aims to offend rather than please.