xdude wrote:Hey Nonexistent,
I don't recall this point coming up before, or at least not written out so clearly.
It may just be that you need a different therapist. It's one of the pitfalls of therapy, finding a T that is a good match can be frustrating.
What about other topics, does your T listen to those?
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On a personal level, I know with my ex it's not that I thought she was a liar. It was that because of impressionistic (i.e., dramatic, not much detail) speaking about so many things, no matter how minor, it was hard to know what to take seriously. I do think it was all serious and of equal importance in her mind, but I admit, I also came to believe that because of a lifelong habit of over emphasizing, I felt she didn't know herself what really was of true emotional importance to her.
Actually if something really bothered her, something deeply serious (e.g., an ill family member), those were the times she tended to go quiet, under react as compared with a NON. That makes sense, since those things that really hurt dropped her out of her manic state to an honest depressive state.
Also, on a personal level I also couldn't help myself, but to try and encourage her to make the distinction. Admittedly I also started tuning her out, and changing subjects. All reasons aside that are about her, I personally just couldn't keep up with her emotional swings and train of thought (i.e., it wore me down) at the expense of drowning out my own thoughts/emotions.
Perhaps your T does hear you, but is trying to encourage an entirely new path, build new habits?
Hope that all makes sense!
Yeah, it makes sense xdude. Thanks. I only went to her 3 times. I need to work out my insurance before I can go back. But it's not even just about the therapist. I mean, I read all these posts, people asking how to avoid or get away from a histrionic. That makes me think that if anyone close to me were to ever find out what I am, they'd cut me off. That's a big fear of mine. Which is why, as much as I want a relationship, at the age of 21 I still haven't been in one. I'm overthinking/overreacting, probably. Or maybe I'm not. I don't know.
Also, not having resources to help HPD individuals help themselves is frustrating. It seems like BPD is taken more seriously. And it feels like the consensus is that no histrionic individual would ever realize what they are and try to change, try to fix themselves.
I don't know, I'm so tired of being like this and feeling like it's out of my control. I'm jealous of normal people. All I want is to just wake up one day and be magically fixed. I just keep picturing a future where I'm even more alone than I feel now. Where I still haven't been in a relationship. Where I don't have kids. I'm all alone. It's like there's no escape from that future. No matter what I do, that will be it for me. And I think about how horrible it felt when I isolated myself thinking that was the only way, that's what was best for everyone. I was so f***ing alone. I thought of suicide every day. Never did anything because I'm too much of a f***ing coward.
I hate the way I am but I also feel it can't be helped. I'm trying to get out and do more things, keep busy. But the more people I'm around, the more I notice my abnormalities. I hate it. I feel trapped.