rejection

@Castle -

The 'act' is something some NPD and HPD types engage in, so we try to become some ideal that others want. The big problem being eventually it bubbles the surface, you don't really like me, you like the act, the show. Gets back to what we struggle with. What was so wrong with me that a parent/guardian couldn't just love me, why the constant disapproval, and criticism?

I write 'some' because there is a world of difference between those motivated out of core self-esteem damage, and those who learned they are entitled. They can look the same. The entitlement minded are just not prepared to deal with threats to their over-the-top view of self, but those motivated by broken self-esteem, it's a struggle to feel good for even a few moments.

xdude wrote:@Castle -

The 'act' is something some NPD and HPD types engage in, so we try to become some ideal that others want. The big problem being eventually it bubbles the surface, you don't really like me, you like the act, the show. Gets back to what we struggle with. What was so wrong with me that a parent/guardian couldn't just love me, why the constant disapproval, and criticism?

EXACTLY! Thank you!! I couldn't have said it better myself.

Dear Vertices,
I am new and a woman to whom was diagnosed HPD with Narcicistic points of manipulatory strategies...

Reject for us is a challenge that we consider worthy to ride for depending on who makes it. This is my personal point of view from my personal life and approach of our HPD.

The two sides of our reaction are the same frightening to the other, because either we arguea bout the subject and very passionately dramatically forgetting even where we are because we are not afraid of anything finally, or we put out silence , the reverse, which is very very bitter for the one that rejected us!
So at least when we react like actors on a stage we play a form of considering the other and of respecting him/her, but if there is no reaction from us it means that he /her is in the delete trash bin.

xdude wrote:The 'act' is something some NPD and HPD types engage in, so we try to become some ideal that others want. The big problem being eventually it bubbles the surface, you don't really like me, you like the act, the show. Gets back to what we struggle with. What was so wrong with me that a parent/guardian couldn't just love me, why the constant disapproval, and criticism?

Indeed. More brownie points for you, xdude! I can't relate with the act, I feel I've always been the sum of my repressed and expressed emotions and thoughts. But, as a constant, I've asked myself the same questions.

xdude wrote:I write 'some' because there is a world of difference between those motivated out of core self-esteem damage, and those who learned they are entitled. They can look the same. The entitlement minded are just not prepared to deal with threats to their over-the-top view of self, but those motivated by broken self-esteem, it's a struggle to feel good for even a few moments.

... Indeed. Which ties back to your idea of connecting over pain. My practice of attempting to connect over pain was two-fold, a) an hope to connect with people on an intuitive level through sensing their pain b) a rekindling with old interpersonal dynamics. a) is OK if there is mutual respect of each other's pain, but b) is trouble. Very often we mistake b) for a).

And another thing I started doing sometime ago.

I used to play very admired very pleasant and making other's life perfect as they desired, and one day I thanked the opportunity of getting a great reject with a kicking off from my job that I had created in such very honorable place where I was the first light of their success, just for saying MY FIRST NO to something one day beacause really I could not extend me at such point...!

So suddenly I awake, and after being very bad treated from the staff, like an ennemy (I was working in a diplomatic representation ) so I decided to start my new life against any other's will or need to see me in that golden cage, and put a new password wherever in my devices: libération!

and from that time I say that such Reject was my key to open myself to my future.
I must tell it is very difficult to work in my conditions because it seems I can do many things and am a boss , but I am keen in giving speeches and not in details so sometimes it is very hard for my lack of strong personality to see the result even if I play very bossy!
So rejection can be very healthy for us if we take the opportunity to make our revolution from dependency / our mask !

glosc wrote:And another thing I started doing sometime ago.

I used to play very admired very pleasant and making other's life perfect as they desired, and one day I thanked the opportunity of getting a great reject with a kicking off from my job that I had created in such very honorable place where I was the first light of their success, just for saying MY FIRST NO to something one day beacause really I could not extend me at such point...!

So suddenly I awake, and after being very bad treated from the staff, like an ennemy (I was working in a diplomatic representation ) so I decided to start my new life against any other's will or need to see me in that golden cage, and put a new password wherever in my devices: libération!

and from that time I say that such Reject was my key to open myself to my future.
I must tell it is very difficult to work in my conditions because it seems I can do many things and am a boss , but I am keen in giving speeches and not in details so sometimes it is very hard for my lack of strong personality to see the result even if I play very bossy!
So rejection can be very healthy for us if we take the opportunity to make our revolution from dependency / our mask !

That is a very good point glosc and welcome to the forums. Rejection and criticism are valuable if we do not take it personally. If we can learn from rejection it can create big changes... maybe that's why it's so scary....

-- Sun Jul 30, 2017 1:32 am --

xdude wrote:vertices -

Yes, it all starts with what was so wrong with me that I couldn't be loved just cause? We end up with out that foundation of implicit self-esteem. We can do this or that to build explicit self-esteem, but it doesn't change that our implicit sense of self hurts. I don't know anyone who enjoys rejection, but it doesn't trigger the whole spiraling down into self-loathing, the big crash, because their implicit sense of self is still okay.

I do hope you are at least having some moments of peace now, times when you are feeling 'okay this is who I am', and that is okay! And a sincere compliment - Wow, look at you. You have grown so strong.

awww, thank you