Any success stories?

by **soultrader** » Sun Jun 03, 2007 1:55 am

Alright folks, I am a newbie to the forum and my wife of 1 yr is HPD. I am currently flooding her with information on the disorder and she is receptive and at the same time scared shitless. I want to believe in her and I want to believe that we can make it through this. I have been reading posts in this forum and they seem mostly negative. I understand this but I was wondering if anyone on here can share a positive story or offer some hope for a couple who is really trying to make it. I have the hardest time with everyone saying that a HPD doesn't know the definition of "love." The only thing that gives me strength through all of this is that I feel like she really loves me and wants to try. Anyone?

I just think she wants to be normal and is both excited and aprehensive at the same time that there is a reason for her problems. She was recently diagnosed bipolar and was becoming increasingly frustrated that the meds weren't "curing" her of her horrible lapses in judgement and nasty/violent tantrums. I can handle most of her problems because in my line of work(showclub mgt.)I have dealt with unstable women for years. The only thing I can not deal with is her infidelity. The last time she cheated on me, I told her I would only stay with her if she told all our friends what she had done so they would understand why I was becoming a posessive a**hole. Never thought she would humilliate herself like that but she did. She is a very caring and giving person most of the time. He has a huge "need to be needed" complex which seems to run counter to most of the HPDs on this board. I want to thank all respondants in advance for their input and advice.

by **mark_8621** » Sun Jun 03, 2007 3:12 am

Well.....I dunno, at least she admits when she does something wrong. Everything in our relationship is "my fault".

by PQ » Sun Jun 03, 2007 3:54 am

Soultrader, is she dependent? That seems highly deviant behavior for an HPD. I believe it, however.

by **soultrader** » Sun Jun 03, 2007 4:06 am

I believe we are pretty damn close to co-dependant. I cant go more than 2hrs without talking to her and it is mutual. That is what is really confusing me about the situation. All the HPDs I am reading about in this forum seem to be so self absorbed and hot/cold. She really isn't and is the first to help someone and always "tries" to make me happy. She just has HORRIBLE lapses in judgement(infidelity/tantrums)and always runs hot to me. We have started therapy and she is seeing a Psychiatrist who is treating her bipolar disorder. I want to help her change and she wants to change for me and tears herself up constantly over her stupid moves that hurt me. Is this a disease and if it is a desease do you really leave someone you love when they are sick? How much do they have control over if they have just recently been diagnosed and how much control shoud you expect them to EVER have?

by **Sledge** » Sun Jun 03, 2007 4:31 am

Try to find the book called CO-Dependant No More by Melody Beatie I believe. It is a great book and I know from my happenings that my co dependancy has contributed to me staying with my HPD and putting up with alot. Let me just tell you this from what has happened to me. Your heart can only take so much and whether you stay or whether you go only you will know for sure when that time is. HPD will put a very large amount of strain on a relationship. You will never feel right. Maybe you should go to a counselor that specializes in HPD. Hope this helped and good luck.

by **walking** » Sun Jun 03, 2007 9:27 pm

We all know that trust is a corner stone of any relationship, how do want to build a relationship with HPD and live as a couple without trusting your partner?, do you want to chease her all the time? do you want to check on her what she is doing every time she is not with you, because when she is not with you somehow she keeps forgeting that you are the one she lives with, you are the one she should be commited to?, but as per their (HPDs) "social behavior" it looks to me "they want to be commited to every body they met" ; for you it will be time consumig a killing your feelings slowly over the time..........the choice is yours.......it's not about leaving a sick person, this completely different scenario.....as I mentioned in one of my previos posts somewhere on this board, I don not hate them, I just stopped feel sorry for them as I found out they do not feel sorry for us (my experience)........good luck to you brave man!

by **Roni** » Sun Jun 03, 2007 9:48 pm

Soultrader, I too can only say good luck.

It's definitely a good sign if she really is interested in what's going on with her and wants to make changes. Forgive me if I'm skeptical, though - many of us here have heard our HPDs admit they have problems, and they seemed sincere at the time...

Also, are you sure she's really bipolar? HPD also involves a lot of mood instability. I don't know how much mood stabilizing meds would help with HPD (if it's just HPD)?

Anyway, at least for the time being she is willing to work on things, which I would have given anything if my HPD would do.

Again, best of luck to you. I hope you can bring a success story back to us.

by **SIAFC** » Sun Jun 03, 2007 11:56 pm

I don't mean to sound skeptical either, but I'll just tell you my experience. My ex-HPD may or may not have known what her disorder was, but she started therapy, used the right lingo, wrote "I have issues" emails, told me that she wasn't mentally healthy and she was trying to fix herself, etc. All the while, she was cheating and bragging and boasting to people about the way she was lying to and manipulating me. From my point of view, I've heard this kind of talk and know they can talk out of both sides of their mouth like a pro. Be very careful.

Any success stories?

Any success stories?

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