I think i'm about to find out who i am ..!

Hi folks, My first post, I think I've finally figured out why I'm different.

From a young age I always knew that I was different to other kids, I didn't want to play with Dollies & prams, I was always one of the "guy's" out on go-carts, bikes, skate boards, tree climbing etc, It's funny how I can look back & at the time I could never figure out why my Mother would always shout..."why can't you be like our sister & not your brother" I always seemed to be in trouble & hot water over something I'd done. I just couldn't connect with other girls my own age, as I got older into my teens, I just didn't see the appeal of hair styles, make up, nail polish, girlie clothes, I was happy in jeans, t-shirts, sneakers or welly boots, I couldn't see it was an issue for my Mother.

We never were close, we never had a "nice" relationship like most Mum's & daughter's, apparently I was a little bugger, naughty, mischievous, devious along with all the other awful names she used to call me. It never really bothered so much until I got to around 15, I really found it impossible to connect with her about anything, I asked if I could move out of town to live with my Grandparents who I totally idolised, they were my everything . After she finished physically attacking me & made it clear the answer was no, I knew at that very point in my life things would never be the same again.

Well, here I am 35 years on & the penny finally dropped maybe why I'm different & the bond between Mum & I finally snapped. I could never place what was so different about me, After trawling the internet for about 5 years now, I've finally stumbled on HPD....there are so many elements that are me, I found the missing piece of the jigsaw & have to say...I feel great, at long last. I figured I was just odd, weird, mad etc., after reading some of the other posts the relief is amazing, it's washed over me like a giant wave, knowing that I'm not odd, weird or mad, I'm possibly HPD.

Totally after reading so many posts from other people, I feel so emotional, now is that because of the HPD or because I finally found other people who have suffered in silence for so long like me. Some parts of the description don't fit me exactly, but a lot of the others do. I'm in the UK & we don't have mental healthcare services as good as many parts of the world, in fact, I would happily say we are a fair way behind some Countries on mental health services.

I guess you could say I've tried to self diagnose, but at 50, I needed answers & so many categories I fit into. My current long term relationship of 16 years is about to come to an end because I'm bored, I dislike my job because I'm bored, their are many other issues I have & the light bulb above my head just lit up & finally I've realised, I do have issues & maybe many of them are due to HPD.

So even though the day is coming to a close here in the UK, I'm actually looking forward to finding out more about the issues that people are dealing with & how I can help myself & hopefully someone else, my bad mood has lifted, I'm looking forward to getting off work, getting home, & falling into bed, start my research & maybe begin to actually find out who I am, why I'm this way, answer my own questions maybe, maybe I wasn't "wired" so differently after all, today has turned out to be not so bad after all...Happy 50th Birthday to me Have a great day all, looking forward to being in touch & finding out more about what great people we are, even though we have a few hiccups, after all, who is perfect...? no one Jess