Is this a common experience for those with hpd?

I've been questioning hpd for a while and plan on bringing it up shortly with my psych

I want to do this soon because whatever I'm experiencing is really starting to make it hard for my to function in my relationship

Ive been seeking out sexual attention an overt amount ever since I was about 17. I recently (2.5 weeks ago) got into a relationship and it started off great, but he's currently in a depressive episode and is isolating himself which has been limiting my amount of sexual attention and attention in general, so I've started finding sexual attention from other people (borderline cheating, or just straight out cheating I guess depending on your definition. tho will probably become straight out cheating soon so anyway). I know what I'm doing is "wrong" but I also don't care that it is? I feel an overwhelming need to do it even tho I know I shouldn't be doing it.

Anyway, I just wanted to know if this is an experience which could be associated with hpd?

irlart wrote:I've been questioning hpd for a while and plan on bringing it up shortly with my psych

I want to do this soon because whatever I'm experiencing is really starting to make it hard for my to function in my relationship

Ive been seeking out sexual attention an overt amount ever since I was about 17. I recently (2.5 weeks ago) got into a relationship and it started off great, but he's currently in a depressive episode and is isolating himself which has been limiting my amount of sexual attention and attention in general, so I've started finding sexual attention from other people (borderline cheating, or just straight out cheating I guess depending on your definition. tho will probably become straight out cheating soon so anyway). I know what I'm doing is "wrong" but I also don't care that it is? I feel an overwhelming need to do it even tho I know I shouldn't be doing it.

Anyway, I just wanted to know if this is an experience which could be associated with hpd?

Definitely yes. Even more, the fact that you don't care (i.e., lack of empathy) points more towards HPD than BPD.

Hey irlart,

Based on what I've read here, I suspect it's the common experience; the wants/needs of the moment outweigh the longer term want/need for a safe/stable relationship.

For whatever it's worth, some descriptions of HPD mention "Low tolerance for frustration or delayed gratification" as a common factor.

irlart wrote:I recently (2.5 weeks ago) got into a relationship ......
....tho will probably become straight out cheating soon...
....I know what I'm doing is "wrong" but I also don't care that it is

Have the 2 of you ever had a discussion and agreement about being exclusive? I'm in a similar situation where my needs aren't being met frequently enough and due to problems we've had in the past I've resorted to looking for and finding other people. I'm of the opinion now if the topic of seeing other people and expectations about that aren't clearly communicated, either party is free to see other people. I suppose some people would call that lying by omission though.....

Hi, I'm new to this forum and just realising that I probably have HPD. What you are describing is me to a T in all of my past relationships and current relationship. If I don't get supply from them to make me feel good or sexy or attractive or that they want to spend time with me, i'm so very quick to jump into looking for it elsewhere and I have many options, sadly enough.
I have always put it down to they can't give me what I need so I am looking elsewhere, making it out to be their problem or shortcoming or failure in the relationship but the truth i'm realising is deep inside me!

ridingthewtfbus wrote:

irlart wrote:I recently (2.5 weeks ago) got into a relationship ......
....tho will probably become straight out cheating soon...
....I know what I'm doing is "wrong" but I also don't care that it is

Have the 2 of you ever had a discussion and agreement about being exclusive? I'm in a similar situation where my needs aren't being met frequently enough and due to problems we've had in the past I've resorted to looking for and finding other people. I'm of the opinion now if the topic of seeing other people and expectations about that aren't clearly communicated, either party is free to see other people. I suppose some people would call that lying by omission though.....

In a love relationship there is the assumption / expectation of loyalty, so it's not lying by omission. If you want to do differently than what is assumed to be due, you (the party that diverges away from the general assumption) have to explicitly opt out of it and get the other party's agreement, or explicitly end the relationship.

As an analogy, suppose you are getting surgery for appendicitis. There is the general assumption that the doctor will only work on that right? Now you wouldn't be too happy if he removed a kidney from you at the same time as he fixed your appendicitis. If he wanted to do so (diverge away from the general assumption / expectation) he would have to express his opting-out of it before the act, and get your agreement. You wouldn't want to become a kidney donor just because you didn't clearly communicate the fact that you didn't want the surgeon to remove one of your kidneys as he was fixing your appendicitis. So don't steal a person's kidney without informing them and getting their prior agreement: If you want an open relationship, there needs to be agreement from both parties involved.

Some people would happily give away a kidney rather than being cheated on by the love of their life (in case you think the kidney analogy was extreme).

Hey CONFUSEDMA,

This is an old thread, so feel free to start a new one if you like.

CONFUSEDMA wrote:Hi, I'm new to this forum and just realising that I probably have HPD. What you are describing is me to a T in all of my past relationships and current relationship. If I don't get supply from them to make me feel good or sexy or attractive or that they want to spend time with me, i'm so very quick to jump into looking for it elsewhere and I have many options, sadly enough.
I have always put it down to they can't give me what I need so I am looking elsewhere, making it out to be their problem or shortcoming or failure in the relationship but the truth i'm realising is deep inside me!

We aren't able to diagnose here, so you'd have to speak with a professional if you really thinks so, and wish to work on it.

Everyone needs some attention, so that isn't HPD. It's really about a matter of degree. For those with HPD the need for attention goes to such a degree that it negatively affects them, and others. But, there is more to HPD than just the want/need for attention. A professional would look at those other criteria as well.

That written, kudos to you for realizing your need for validation is deep within you. A reason to talk with a pro then is for your own sake, so you can be happy in your own skin, without the need for near constant reassurance. It's worth it