HPDs and paranoia

Do your all's HPDs get paranoid about the strangest things? For instance, mine thinks I just fake not being able to hear him when he uses his speaker phone because I just don't like his speaker phone. He'll get really angry that I say I can't hear him, and won't believe me that something's going on with the equipment!

Seems like an absurd thing to get so paranoid about. I don't get it.

Anyone else experienced stuff like this?

may not be paranoia, maybe having to hear complaints every time guy uses spkr........i'd get annoyed too, maybe if u let him actually have a complaint free call to u would be a nice break....even if u can't really hear 'im, little things can make a diff. when dealing with people with other issues at hand. 'core (just a thought)

Gotta disagree with you H'core...

If the phone doesn't work it doesn't work.

If she tries to fake it she will likely get busted during the call if she misunderstands something he says and replies inappropriately.

Masking the issue or faking it will only reinforce the HPD's belief that she's just messing with him. It doesn't matter whether she really is or not...it's what he believes that is at issue.

She's told him the speaker phone doesn't work well, and he knows it.

It's his turn to step up but he won't, he's HPD and incapable.

So many of us have already tried masking symptoms and issues in a good faith effort to improve our relationships. This tactic fails miserably!

Acquiescence always fails with the HPD. This is exactly what they expect. This is what they are conditioned to receive. Only by changing that, throwing them a curve so to speak can one turn the tables and manipulate the HPD. Make no mistake, reasoning with the HPD is impossible. If you want something from the HPD you must manipulate the HPD into giving it to you. This will work but you will feel terrible for doing it.

The only tactic that will bring results with this HPD is to belittle him for using the speaker phone.

Sad but true. If you don't believe it just try it one time and see.

Thanks for the replies, guys.

And yes, I would get caught if I tried to fake being able to hear him during these phone calls. Usually when he uses the speaker phone, it's while he's changing clothes after running, and we're trying to decide where to eat or something. I could say I heard him, but then I wouldn't show up at the right restaurant.

We do have many complaint-free calls when there isn't an equipment problem. I just don't get why he would pick that particular thing to have an issue about. I've told him that I don't care if he's using a shoe phone, I just want to be able to hear what he's saying.

???

Oh, you know what, I think I just thought of the answer to my own question.

The reason it's such an issue that I can't hear him well on the speaker phone is that to NOT use the speaker phone would mean that he can't do two things at once - that is, change clothes and talk to me at the same time. And, having to spend time, even 2 minutes, JUST talking on the phone requires an ounce of patience that he doesn't have.

Goes back to the low tolerance for frustration and delay. I should have thought of that before.

But, it's still weird that rather than just saying he's frustrated and impatient, he believes I'm lying about not being able to hear him. But then, again, an HPD recognizing and admitting to feelings? (Not.)

Mine was paranoid I was still in love with an ex and that I was going to leave her. She accussed me of hiding my cell phone. In all actuality it was plugged into the charger in the kitchen EVERY nite. Even after we got married she was paranoid I was in love with my ex.

Hi mark (and welcome if you are new here),

My ex BPD/HPD gf was also paranoid about this issue. She exhibited complete distrust and had jealousy issues to boot. She also became quite judgemental and I could not convince her of my feelings for her. Did your wife start to devalue after you got married? Did you feel uncomfortable and destabilized? I'm guessing that she distanced you and then took off, blaming you for everything...

blueguitar wrote:Hi mark (and welcome if you are new here),

My ex BPD/HPD gf was also paranoid about this issue. She exhibited complete distrust and had jealousy issues to boot. She also became quite judgemental and I could not convince her of my feelings for her. Did your wife start to devalue after you got married? Did you feel uncomfortable and destabilized? I'm guessing that she distanced you and then took off, blaming you for everything...

For some reason I kept having a feeling of "waiting for the other shoe to fall" after we got married. Yes, everything is MY fault 100% to blame for everything. She did distance herself from me in public activities like motorcycle rides, going to the car races etc. She "didn't feel good", but I could go by myself without her. Wanna go uptown and have a drink honey? No,my stomach hurts tonite,you go ahead. That type of thing.

Mine would practically beg me to go to an activity with him, or on a trip with him, and as soon as we got started he would completely ignore me. When I pressed for some interaction with him, he would become very hostile. This happened so many times that I got so that I just wouldn't go on a trip with him. I would go out with him locally, but even then if we were meeting any of his friends I might drive separately so I could leave if I wanted.

So, he did distance himself from me, but AFTER he insisted that I go with him somewhere! Go figure.

It's my humble opinion that paranoia should be listed as one of the traits of the HPD perhaps as a comorbidity.

Paranoia seems to fit part and parcel within their personality.

It also seems to me that the HPD is so hardwired for failure that they ultimately manifest their paranoia. They actually bring about the things they fear through their own actions. All the while blaming it on others so that their victim status remains intact.