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Is low self-esteem the cause or byproduct of all PDs?

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Is low self-esteem the cause or byproduct of all PDs?

Postby Fletch » Thu Oct 06, 2016 12:57 am

After being in a short but intense relationship with someone who displays traits of all the cluster b personalities, and then further reflecting on those traits in myself, I think I've formed the hypothesis that all these differently manifesting PDs are simply due to low self-esteem. I don't think low self-esteem is a byproduct because I don't believe someone with high/healthy self-esteem would display these traits to begin with. My conclusion is that differentiating between PDs and getting into detailed and extensive analysis may be over-complicating things- in so far as a treatment or solution is concerned. My gut is telling me that building genuine self-esteem (with any of these disorders. Not just cluster B) would be the solution. Another way of saying this is that the specific Dx, behaviors or characteristics, if addressed individually , is akin to pulling weeds out by the leaves- whereas increasing self-esteem would be akin to removing the weed by the roots.

I've started reading some material on self-esteem and would like to paste some of it here. My ex was mainly HPD, so this may pertain more to those with HPD, but it's also characteristically human. I'm going to cross post this to the different PD forums for that reason. I'm interested in any thoughts people might have:

"This list
includes some of the negative behaviors and attitudes associated with unhealthy, poor self-esteem.
You decide if these attitudes or behavior have ever crippled you in some way or if you recognize
these characteristics in yourself or other people.
Generally speaking, people with self-esteem issues may have a tendency to:
• Act immature and have poor interpersonal skills.
• Participate in self-destructive behaviors.
• Become angry and lose their tempers quickly.
• Sacrifice their identity for the sake of “fitting in.”
• Dodge reality and unpleasant situations.
• Enjoy the demise or humiliation of others.
• Criticize themselves and others frequently.
• Act superior and brag incessantly.
• Overreact when criticized in any manner.
• Engage in self-sabotage.
This list may be just the entrance to the mine. Deeper and darker characteristics appear in countless
people who leave their esteem unattended.
Looking for Love in the Wrong Faces
Another unhealthy characteristic of people with low self-esteem is looking for “love” or affection or
even sex from anyone because you do not feel you deserve real love or affection. I’ll take what I can
get, you convince yourself. He’s better than nothing, you say on those lonely nights. These feelings
come from years and years of convincing yourself that you are not really worthy of true, authentic
love because there is something wrong with you. Stop for a moment and think how totally debilitating,
thoroughly devastating, and downright tragic that thought is: “I am not worthy of love. I am not worthy
of love.”
So in that unworthy state, you search for anyone who shows you the least bit of attention. You take
“love” in any form you can get it. You give of yourself emotionally, financially, and yes, sexually just
so you can have another person hold you for a few moments. Does any of this sound familiar? If it
does, then you know how demoralizing these actions are to you and how damaging they are to your
self-esteem.
The psychologist Abraham Maslow detailed the basic need for every human being to feel love. It is
innate. It is a part of our genetic makeup. It is as necessary as air and water, and our need to feel love
can sometimes be overwhelming. The relationship of this need to your self-esteem is this — if you
feel badly about yourself and feel that you are not truly worthy of something so wonderful, you will
either deny yourself this treasure, or you will take it from the first person that offers it, even if it is
false and not genuine.
When you wake up in the morning with one more “bad love experience,” this only deepens the feeling
and belief that you are not worthy. It is only when you can begin to understand that you do deserve
honest love, and that you don’t have to take the first thing that comes along (because you believe it
may never come again), that you begin to know your worth. Unhealthy self-esteem inhibits us from
seeing that authentic, legitimate love is out there for us. It forbids us from being able to welcome,
understand, or appreciate the real thing when it comes along."
Fletch
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