Mimicry & Distortions

Has anyone else experienced their HPD using the exact phrases/words in conversation with others? My ex played the HPD game (see FAQ) down to a tee. However, being a bit wary of the speed, I said I wanted to take things slower, maybe marriage after a year or so. Shortly before she split with me she said pretty much the same thing to a mutual friend that SHE wanted to take things slower. She also said to our mutual friend that I couldn't wait to get her up the aisle. The exact opposite of what I said to her.

I find this profoundly strange. Is it a symptom of their vacuous minds or part of their game playing?

Additionally, during the devalueing phase I also noticed that she would spit back the exact same words to me (in anger) when confronted. For example, I told her that I felt she was using me (which she was doing) and she spat this right back at me that I was using her.

As I understand it there are numerous different histrionic styles but my HPD seems to me to be almost textbook, if the stickies are anything to go by.

blueguitar,

i have experienced this, as a matter of fact i posted something to this effect last month titled "repeating your quotes & herself in extreme" this person would use my quotes as well as others in conversation that i recalled. anonther indicator in terms of false self/lack of identiy.

she would also respeat herself many times over. this i found very annoying, then i began to realized there was some kind of cognitive deficiency with this person.

i used to walk her to her car, in the winter she would say " i am not a cold weather chic" i heard this every day, 5 days a week.
once i replied & said "i know, you said that yesterday" she was quick to say "that she may say it again" i thought.... what a childlike mentality.. defence mechanisms surface quick when they are challenged!

also, she likes BMW's... every time she would see a 7000 series beemer, she would say something to the effect that one day she will have one. i used to wonder if her record skipped when i heard her repeat herself.

others mentioned to me that she repeated herself on a frequent basis too.

FYI,
we've been apart for 5 months & man i feel so much relief. last week i met her to deliver some of her blongings since i didn't want her coming to my house. she told me she missed me & asked if i missed her. my reply was short & honest, it stunned her. i replied by saying " i don't miss the drama & the strife we once shared" that was it. she looked at me with those eyes we're all so familiar with.

it's a good feeling be able to recognize this PD & beat them at their own game. i belive the NC is the secret to success with these people, this gives the non-PD time to heal, learn & face them or the next one with resistance & a arsenal of knowledge to counteract.

With so much said behind my back ( HPDs must be complete cowards) , I still don`t know all the lies she spread, but it seems she was very skilled at quoting my exact words but doing so out of context to give them a whole different meaning.

blueguitar wrote:Has anyone else experienced their HPD using the exact phrases/words in conversation with others? My ex played the HPD game (see FAQ) down to a tee..........

Blueguitar,

same here, no exception...........it's very difficult for them to analyze and assess any situation, "it's easier for them to use what was already invented and twist it the way it fits into their scenario"......just to drive you nuts

Mine didn't do this exactly, but he had a weird thing with words. He would get hung up on the exact word or phrasing used, sometimes insisting that words or phrases that were synonymous meant entirely different things.

E.g., once he really hurt my feelings by telling me that it "didn't matter" to him if I went to a dinner at his brother's with him or not. This was a 20 or 30 minute discussion, and he never waivered that it "didn't matter." The next day, he said that of course he would have liked me to go with him, but it "didn't matter." He absolutely insisted that there was no contradiction in saying these two things.

Another example: anytime anyone said something like "Are you done with that?" he would correct them and say "finished." He would do this without fail. I finally told him that if he looked up "finished" in a thesaurus, he would see that "done" was a synonym.

He would persist in doing these things even when the speaker explained that they in fact meant something different from what he thought they meant.

I think there is something different about the language centers of their brains.

Once again 80% of everything you guys say I can totally recognize and remember my HPD doing. The one thing that sticks in my mind is that they will turn things around on you and do it very cleverly. Be careful what you say because it can be used against you in a court of HPD.

Unfortunately you are right. Except she has jumped from the court of HPD to a court of law. Nothing she is asserting ever happened but the truth has been so twisted and defiled that I don't know if there"s any way to unravel "real" truth. Something stupid I said six years ago is still being used to beat me over the head with except it is now being twisted and turned and corrupted to an unbelievable extent! Sitting in a hot tub without a swimming suit has become perverse deviant behavior. Going two steps from the bathroom to the bedroom without a towel has become pedophilia! And the list goes on and on like that!!

Reflecting/projection is a common tactic in most personality disorders. When you express something about their character to them, a very predictable response would be to project that very trait back on to you - all of a sudden, you have that attribute. If you try to point out the projection they are creating - they'll most likey go off the deep end (in some sort of retaliation) and will end the relationship - to protect their illusion/facade - to make themselves look and feel OK. Plainly, it's tough!

In addition to mimicry and distortion I think we should also include exaggeration. Right now that is the biggest problem between me and my HPD. As our pastor said the problems between us are not that big or bad. The problem is the way she perceives them. What to a "normal" person is a mole hill, she has so grossly exaggerated in her mind as being Mt. Everest. It is an unconquerable obstacle that must gone around, instead of dealt with head on. By exaggerating the problem to her friends and family she gains her supply of sympathy and support, and also justifies leaving the marriage in their eyes.
Unfortunately, after his last visit with her, he told me divorce papers are likely forthcoming.

Hang in there Mark. Think of all the people who love you, and will always love you - e.g., your kids. As dark as things seem right now, they will get better. In the end, you'll be happier than you were before. Don't lose hope.