In my case it is clear to see how I fall for weaker needy women, because it appears to give me the most security of their love. After all, if you give a broken needy women all she needs, she'll stay with you forever, right? While an independent woman just stays with you for your character (and if your character is not what she wants, she's off).
I'm not putting enough of the right words inhere to convey exactly what I'm trying to say, but you get the gist right? I'm choosing weak women so I feel safer that I'll receive their love. My past and childhood provide a very clear reason why I feel unsure if I will still receive love "tomorrow", so I tend to overfunction all the way, to be the bestest, most lovingest caring lover in the world and make sure my lover stays with me. Yes, this makes me VERY codependent (I'm working on that). It also allows people to step all over my boundaries
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In this I do recogize the above remark that we feel very much in control. I too felt in control and that she'd never leave because, truth be told, I don't think my ex is capable of surviving on her own. As we speak she's living of her inheritance, and I think she'll last two more years. After that she's flat broke, and I'm afraid to think of what will happen then. So I thought I was "safe", that there was NO way she'd be able to live without me, and being veeeery high maintenance at that, no other guy would be able to live with her (yeah, she's gorgeous, but she is a total mess on the inside).
In short I knew I was a lot smarter than her, a lot stronger and so on... I always felt uncomfortable because I believe these are not feelings you have in an equal relationship. The only edge she had on me was her looks and charm. But like I said, I did feel safe, being so "superior".
In reality however this is very selfdefeating, because unstable women actually give you a lot LESS certainty of receiving their love, as I've had to witness twice already (both cheater - one man could not give them enough love). Add to that that you're constantly working hard to keep another person sane and happy at your own expense and the picture darkens even more.
It is my STRONG conviction that most of us start this type of relationship because we do not love ourselves enough, and thus do not feel worthy of the love of a strong and healthy person. Or in my case, I would think "why on earth would a NORMAL cool and goodlooking woman stay with ME???"
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