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by **Damon** » Sat Mar 31, 2007 11:47 am

mine was but only at a superficial level. she would eventually talk about them behind their back. she came accross as being sweet & understanding to others, but i would hear different later. this made me think that she probably talked low of me to others when things were on the down low.

there are lot of folks out there that present this behavior, PD or not. the lessons i've learned is what comes from the mouth is inbedded in the heart. so if they talk about others out of jealously, negativity or just to put them down beware the tables will eventually turn your way.

the mouth is the gateway from the heart, listen to what people say with strong discernment!

by **blueguitar** » Sat Mar 31, 2007 3:50 pm

unsc8thd,

Ditto and check. My HPD exhibited this behaviour also. In social settings she was sweetness and light but behind closed doors, I had to listen to her put downs and jealousy. Over the course of the last 6 months she has berated just about everyone I and she knows. As for the tables turning against me - check! However, I have also noticed her becoming even more unhappy and her behaviour in social settings, even more histrionic. I'm a firm believer in karmic retribution and hers is definately overdue.

by **Damon** » Sat Mar 31, 2007 4:52 pm

by **Beefheart** » Sat Mar 31, 2007 6:09 pm

It is all "Attention Seeking" and "denial" behavior

The first warning bells came early in our marriage when Istarted to get signals that my HPD wife was was sharing fictional things about me with her coworkers. They were not very complimentary.

Her master piece was the email she sent to all of "MY" family when she moved out. I was in depression and dangerous. She had to flee for her "mental health" and that of her children. It was worded so sweetly that she could honestly say that is was an act of Christian love to me and my family who she had grown to love.

When our counsilor read the email she asked what had happened recently.

I replied, "nothing."

She is now telling our Pastor how I am truly ill and trying to avoid focussing on my behavior.

Some things never change.

by **roohead** » Sat Mar 31, 2007 8:06 pm

It`s all part of the facade designed to fool people. Without that facade they would`nt get the friends and attention they crave. After my HPD experience, most of our mutual friends are sympathetic to her due to the fact that she can project her $#%^ on to me, lie with great conviction and appears to them as sweet and thoughtful. Only an HPD victim can see the toxic waste beneath the pleasant exterior.

by **blueguitar** » Sat Mar 31, 2007 9:23 pm

roohead,

In total agreement here. The big question I have with my HPD (and anyone's I guess) is do they understand that they are behaving in this way? Is it really design? From reading some of the James Masterson stuff the impression I get is that they are developmentally arrested and, as such, think that their behaviour is normal and that everyone else is like them. However, having been on the receiving end of their projections (once again tonight, perhaps the worst of all), it really hurts that no one else can really see what's going on.

by **Beefheart** » Sat Mar 31, 2007 9:36 pm

"Do the know they are be yhaving this way?"

I think you would have to get inside the head of an HPD to realy know.

I realy think it is compulsive behavior. They may that there is something else out there, but they are afraind of it. For security, that flee into the behavior the know and makes them feel good.

When gently confronted wiht a truth they cannot deny, and where anger is not appropriate (like infront of friends) my HPD get's that blank stare.

She knows that is something out there but is afraid to confront it

by **roohead** » Sat Mar 31, 2007 11:19 pm

I don`t think they have any comprehension regarding their behaviour. the mutual friends that saw what was happening and advised me on how to deal with her told me how whilst her, her husband and their 12 year old son were over visiting them one evening she spent the entire evening obsessing and coming out with alot of crude stuff about me, oblivious to the fact her family were sat there.

by **Roni** » Sun Apr 01, 2007 2:27 pm

I don't think that they really understand their own behavior either. That would imply insight and forethought, and they have neither.

One of things that drives me crazy is the extreme inconsistency in his behavior; he might be nice and thoughtful (seemingly) one hour, and completely cold and inconsiderate the next. When I've protested that such conflicting behaviors so close together don't make sense and upset me, his usual solution is to say that well, then, he just won't be nice next time!

I also have seen the "two-faced" behavior. He bad-mouths most of his friends when they aren't present. One buddy who he meets EVERY WEEK for drinks you would think he can't stand. He has conflicting needs: he wants the buddy to continue to go out with him, but the buddy is a bit of a know-it-all, and my bf perceives that as a threat to his own superiority.

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